How I changed the habits of a life time and found real joy
Here in Southern Spain, where I am primarily basing myself for the autumn/winter, I have just finished a week of a powerful detox called Pancha Karma — it is an ancient Ayurvedic (Indian) practice designed to clear your system emotionally, mentally, spiritually and definitely physically — I won’t go into that part — let’s just say you need to have a toilet standing nearby for much of it.
It was an intense experience (especially with the accompanying storms), as it also involved letting go of all those ‘comforting’ things that we like to think help us feel better (sugar, alcohol, caffeine) — although you do get a little rice, cooked veg and stewed fruit. Maybe a little ginger tea with honey for when you are really struggling.
Usually for me, a detox marks the beginning of a change, I hard knuckle myself through it all to reap the benefits later — but this was different. Although it was huge, challenging and demanding, it was part of a much greater journey that I was already on — of letting go and making big changes towards living from joy.
My letting go journey really began in Australia last autumn, where I was on my 60th three month sabbatical, which turned out to be nothing like what I had expected. I went to renew and celebrate and instead witnessed heartbreaks happening for my family, where they were struggling. I also hadn’t factored in that the last time I was there was for my younger sister’s funeral, so it was poignant to return after seven years; all in all not the cheery homecoming I had anticipated.
I imagined I would come back from my experiences rested and revived and instead I felt desolate and drained. This was followed by a period of over-doing it on work, creating burnout. Autumn brought destabilising circumstances; facing a big house move, agreed work projects falling away and a breakdown in a collaboration that broke my heart. So it wasn’t a surprise that autumn was followed by a period of Wintering in winter. I felt low, hollow and empty, couldn’t really taste joy and all my energy went inward. I felt isolated and at a loss as to what I even wanted now, let alone if or how I could have it. The experience of our ‘empty nest’, whilst creating opportunity also carried an inevitable emptiness. Although there were moments of joy, it was a bleak time.
One year later I see clearly now how these dark nights of the soul were all perfect; in fact they now occur as a true blessing and one of the necessary keys needed for creating real change in my life. The contrast of the dark night — the low of wintering showed me a clarity, like a lighthouse in the fog, of what I DO really want going forward; how I want my life to be. What needed to stop, what needed to start, what needed to change.
Without the usual energy to push through; the habit of a lifetime, I started to see clearly where my push energy was no longer serving me – and what I still had natural energy for. I wanted the freedom to flow with my own rhythm and creativity and not to the driving beat of the provider’s drum — and for that I had to learn to let go. I had to let go of patterns of behaviour that had served me so well and brought me success. I had to let go of the justifications that kept the pattern in place. I had to loosen my grip on driving and I had to trust. I had to really, deeply take my own medicine.
This required a new level of faith, a faith that the Universe would provide, that there could be another way other than it being all on me to provide all the things. This required me to stop being the driver.
But first I had to face reality. It became clear to me that I needed to get my metaphorical house in order, I had to look at all the areas of my life that needed sorting out, that I had neglected in my drive to achieve other things. Housekeeping stuff, life stuff, finance stuff, relationship stuff, health stuff — me stuff. You know what it’s like when you decide to tackle stuff you’ve been avoiding — like when you decide to clutter clear your house — you suddenly see cobwebs everywhere and it looks overwhelming — so I hired the most brilliant and game-changing ‘life clutter clear’ coach. Although I did start off complaining about always having to drive (feeling I had no choice), this led me to see that the driver inside me was also not that good at letting anyone else take the wheel, so they didn’t.
I started to see how deeply this driving habit had become engrained and it was literally what was stopping me from having what I really wanted — a flowing, creative, spontaneous, joyous life. Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of flow, creativity and joy in my life on a regular basis, especially in my work, but I knew that I truly desired to live my life from that place — in a deep, natural and consistent way, in a ‘true to my heart’ kind of way. In an everyday kind of way.
So I decided to. I didn’t know how I would do it exactly, I did wonder if I even could — after all, have you met me? I do like to make things happen. But something deep in me knew, it was time. It was time to play the game of life from a heart full of joy. It was time to live the life of my dreams. Not based on ‘shoulds’.
And just like that everything changed.
All manner of experiences appeared in my field to support me, things I have thought about doing or would get round to one day just made sense to do now — asap.
When you decide to change, you will know what you need.
For everyone this will be personal and very different. In my case, because of where I am at and my interests, it turned out to be a lot of (what might seem to some) the Woo world of Spirit, which to be honest feels more grounded than a lot of nonsense I see in the ‘real world’. I have subsequently engaged with a Plant Medicine Deep Dive, In-depth Astrology, Akashic and Human Design Readings. Sound healings. Reiki, an Art as Ritual program, and the Pancha Karma. I have found the right people to talk to, who wrest my hands off the wheel. I now have one special relationship that we call the Sisterhood of the Sofa that brings me joy, amusement and love almost every day — we could easily call it the Sisterhood of Creative Joy. And I have changed my business practices, my business team, my business focus, my primary business location and my business services (there are now a lot less).
I also did a deep dive couples retreat in July with my darling husband (who also Pancha Karma’d with me). Bless him for being the best ‘ride or die’ companion on all my adventures, he never quite knows what he is getting into — but he comes anyway.
I am still a work in progress (are we ever not?), however there are four real pieces of evidence of change that emerged from my decision to live from joy.
- I got my ‘House in Order’: tidied up affairs, streamlined my businesses — reviving one that reflected my new focus and to mark this change of season in my life. This involved a LOT of life admin.
- After an indulgent summer, I landed with a bump in September and I knew I had to stop sugar, alcohol and other unhealthy habits for a while — so far it’s been six weeks and it has been effortless. Truly. And I love the lightness of body, mind and heart this is resulting in.
- I am now writing my book, having actually completed my full outline and three chapters! My Book is called: Love belongs in business — and why it changes the Whole Game. It had been ten years in the conception phase, so I hired a book coach and it is now one of my true joys to write it — despite it having lived in a dusty drawer in my mind, vaguely admonishing me all that time. The book message has filled me with inspiration for new related creative projects; podcasts, workbooks, poetry books, Archetype quizzes, more books — at age 61, I am on fire creatively — watch this space!
- My work is now focusing solely on business leaders who want to be authentically human, heart-led and win the Whole Game of life. In particular I have been offering life-changing 1:1 three day in-person Retreats on my terrace in Sunny Southern Spain. These are a pure joy for me to deliver and to witness the transformation that is possible for people when they pause and re-member who they truly are; it is deeply life-affirming.
I see now that none of these changes happened before they were meant to happen (despite what I might have thought). But when it was THE TIME to change, change happened effortlessly. When I myself got clear it was time. When I knew it in my bones.
Although I did need a little help to get by, from my friends. I humbly bow low and with immense gratitude to all the teachers, mentors, guides and cheerleaders along the way. You know who you are.
I think this is my main point actually, when it is time to change, change will happen when you are able to listen in to and hear your own wisdom whispering; ‘It is time’. Not the driver deciding.
Come and sit with me on my terrace and re-member who you really are — before the shoulds.
If you know it’s time for a breakthrough, get in touch. My terrace in Spain awaits you.
“I have made massive progress on the vision I created on the retreat. It’s fantastic to see how much I have achieved and changed effortlessly in one year — in my health, at work, in life. I am now my authentic and best self.
My insights from the retreat have become woven into my daily life. I enjoy my life and I can honestly say I am doing what I do best in the way that I do it best. I am the happiest and most content I have ever been.”
- April Preston Group Product Director, Holland & Barrett
Create space to lead with humanity, heart and wisdom.
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