When I was young, I saw the world entirely different. I was optimistic about my life and I wanted so bad to feel love’s gentle touch and to hear all of the sweet nothings my heart could sing while in love, yet I was completely clueless as to how life and love worked in reality.
To a certain degree, I somewhat miss that innocence. I would fall so quickly back then, only to have the feelings unrequited or have them end in devastating heartbreak but I always bounced back and got back on my two feet, ready and willing to try again. Oh, to be young and foolish! I don’t miss that but i do miss not being so pessimistic and jaded about things.
Not to say I’m a broken man but at forty-two years old and having been around the block a few times, I have more realistic expectations about romance and the shelf life of relationships. I know now that sometimes people who say they love you are capable of completely ripping your heart out, chewing it up, spitting it out and vomiting it back to you without even blinking an eyelash. People you think will be in your life forever vanish in a heated moment of passion, anger, misunderstanding or some other treacherous events of emotion and all you are left with are ghosts of what was and fantasies of what could have been.
After so many failures in love, it sometimes becomes difficult to see the possibilities in others anymore and we just stop trying to, or even worse, we just stop feeling at all. It’s so much easier to focus on this work project or that social event with your friends. Love becomes a liability and a source of hurt and pain, people become more and more disposable and transient and next thing you know, we’re pushing fifty years old, have taken up animals instead of romantic partners and forgot how to even relate or empathize with others. Each failed relationship causes us to lose exactly what it is that makes us human.
So what is the endgame here? Am I so jaded by my life’s journey at forty two years old that I have already given up on all of my romantic fairy tale endings? More than likely not because I’m a pretty resilient person and an optimistic one deep down also and I think it will take a bit more than a few unsuccessful relationships for me to completely throw in the towel on love. If anything, the experiences I have had with the individuals I have been involved with have forced me to confront issues within myself that have needed to be addressed: my temper, codependency, addiction issues, learning to trust others and to compromise when needed. As painful as some of these experiences have been, they were the catalysts for much needed personal growth and thankfully I can look back on them fondly and see the purpose they served me.
It is because of those painful experiences that I am here writing the first story of my own publication on Medium called Love Detox. Here, I will share some of my experiences around topics such as love, infidelity, codependency, substance abuse, narcissism, big cocks ( because I am a size queen) and everything else in between. I will do my best to share those stories in the best light possible in hopes that I might help someone not make some of the same mistakes I made. It also gives me the opportunity to indulge in one of my favorite creative expressions as well, so I do hope that you enjoy them also.
Please feel free to comment, share your opinions, ask questions, tell me I’m crazy or to fuck off or anything else. I encourage interaction. I love to hear from you all and get your two cents so please don’t be shy!
So with that being said, I want to officially welcome you to Love Detox and I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you a little better! Thanks for stopping by. ❤️