A few months into my relationship with Mr. Austin, I decided to surprise him by doing something bold (well, bold for me anyway). I was going to wear something sexy for him.
He had told me his favorite color was purple, so I went shopping for lingerie and got my hands on some lacy purple and black underwear.
Actually, I shoplifted them, but that’s a completely different story.
I felt a little nervous wearing them. It was supposed to make me feel sexy, but I didn’t think of myself as a sexy person so wearing racy underwear was a little weird for me.
“It’s just underwear,” I told myself when I slipped them on before he got home from work.
I was nervous for nothing. He seemed really turned on by my little surprise. His reaction and the way he fucked me after he slipped them off me made it all worth it.
That should’ve been the start of a new habit, but it wasn’t. Once the heat died down, I went back to feeling like I wasn’t the kind of girl who could pull off something like that.
Months later, I decided he was due for another surprise. This time, it wouldn’t just be underwear — it would be full lingerie.
I found something I thought would be sexy and brought it to the dressing room — to try it on this time, not to stuff it under my clothes and walk out without paying.
I took one look at myself in the floor-length mirror and was so embarrassed I could practically feel my cheeks turning red. I looked stupid, not attractive.
I put it back on the rack and made up my mind. Lingerie is not for me.
That really sucked because I loved lingerie. At least, I loved it on other women.
I admired women who wore it with confidence. I gawked at cute girls in frilly bottoms, see-through outfits, and underwear that barely covered anything.
I hated it, too, because I’m a sexually submissive woman who gets off on being pleasing to her partner. That should include getting dressed up and putting myself on display for him. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, no matter how hard I tried.
I told myself I didn’t have the body for it or the kind of mature look I’d need to pull it off. I wouldn’t look hot in lingerie — I’d look like a kid playing dress-up.
I made the decision to never to try lingerie again about fourteen years ago. Now, I have a few sexy outfits in my closet that I wear when I want to treat my husband.
Getting at least sort of comfortable wearing lingerie took time and was a very gradual process.
It started with realizing that I had made myself the exception. I’d see girls who looked like me all dolled up and dressed like vixens — girls my size, with my shape, with the same kinds of features I have — and they looked fucking amazing.
If they could pull it off, why couldn’t I do the same thing?
So, I started taking baby steps. Here are the ones that really helped me fall in love with lingerie after thinking I gave it up for good. Hopefully, they can help you embrace it too.
Start with Cute Sleepwear
My biggest mistake was thinking I had to jump into the deep end. If I was going to wear lingerie, I thought I’d have to start with lace teddies and crotchless panties.
That intimidated the hell out of me and still kind of does. What I should’ve done instead is start by making sure I wore nice, sexy, matching underwear and sleepwear that’s more revealing than frumpy pajamas.
When I finally took this step, it was completely by accident. I started wearing nightgowns to bed because I wanted to be more comfortable when I slept. Turns out they also made me more comfortable about showing off my body.
I’d hang out in bed and not worry that my thighs were exposed. When I cuddled my husband and he ran his hand up my leg, I didn’t worry about the fact that it raised the gown up to my hips and showed a peek of my underwear.
And then there were the nights when I shifted so much in my sleep that I’d wake up with the nightgown bunched up past my waist and my ass on full display.
If that couldn’t make me more comfortable showing my body, nothing could.
That was my first accidental step to wearing something sexier to bed. My first intentional one was getting a subscription to MeUndies. If I was going to keep waking up with my nightgown lifted up, I should at least be wearing something cute under it.
It wasn’t the kind of thing most people think when they think of lingerie, but the colorful prints were playful and made me feel more attractive when I wore them, which was an important step for me.
It Doesn’t Have to Be Skimpy
There’s something about skimpy lingerie that makes you feel more naked than actually being naked. Most of the time, I’d be more comfortable being completely naked than wearing something really revealing.
And that’s fine because there are plenty of great options that cover up more. Lingerie doesn’t have to be sheer, see-through, or barely there.
It’s about making a deliberate effort to look good for sex. It’s about enticing your partner. That can mean wearing as little as possible if that’s the kind of thing that makes you feel sexy. But it can also mean wearing something that’s more suggestive. A slip can do the trick. Babydolls are a good option, too, because they cover more of your body while still showing that you are dressed to excite your partner.
Try Sexy Costumes
If you don’t feel like you’re ready for traditional lingerie or it’s just not that appealing to you, you can wear a sexy costume instead.
It doesn’t even have to be one of those really revealing sexy costumes either. Just look at how hot cosplay girls are even when they’re almost completely covered up. Channel that style for yourself.
It’s all about wearing something hotter than what you’d normally wear out. If that’s dressing like a cute anime chick or Snow White, then go for it and rock it.
I’m really partial to costumes and I like wearing them more than traditional lingerie. My first real sexy outfit in recent years — the first one I bought specifically to fuck in — was an Alice in Wonderland costume. Now, I’m shopping for a schoolgirl uniform and I’m hoping that’s just the start.
I’m a middle, so I’m partial to costumes that are whimsical and cute. But you can go with whatever your preferred style is. Dress like a hot nurse, a sassy cheerleader, a distractingly attractive teacher — anything that helps you channel your sexual energy.
Bring a Fantasy to Life
It also helps to wear something that lets you act out a fantasy. You can either act out the fantasy or just let the outfit do all the speaking for you.
When you make it about the scenario or the mood, it doesn’t matter how much skin you’re showing. It doesn’t even have to be a traditionally sexy outfit. I recently watched a porn video with a woman wearing a graduation gown and cap and it didn’t seem out of place at all.
And I highly recommend making it your own fantasy more than your partner’s. You can get to theirs later, when you’re more comfortable wearing sexy outfits. For now, stick to the ones that turn you on and make you hot, because that’s going to be a much bigger motivation to get dressed up for sex.
It’s About the Surprise
Remember that wearing lingerie isn’t only about the outfit itself — it’s about surprising your partner. That’s usually more arousing than anything you’re actually wearing.
So when you start to feel a little self-conscious and worry that you might not look smoking hot in what you’re wearing, remind yourself that it’s the fact that you’re dressing up that counts.
You’re making an effort to make the night special by surprising your partner. And that’s something you can always pull off no matter how you feel about your appearance.
Your lingerie doesn’t have to be completely different than your normal style. It can be an extension of it, no matter what it is.
Smouldering sexiness isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine. I’m not the kind of girl who can pull off the hot, sultry diva sitting in the corner of a dark bar look. But that’s okay because I can pull off cute.
If you think of yourself as more cute than hot, work with it. Wear something bright and colorful. Put your hair up in pigtails or buns. Put on some frilly underwear. Wear Converse shoes instead of high heels.
Find the flirty version of your style instead of trying to adopt a completely different one and dressing up for sex will come a lot more naturally to you.
I am of the firm opinion that socks count as lingerie. Which is good because it’s an easy thing to put on when you don’t want to bother with a whole getup or wear something that makes you feel like you’re on display.
Cute socks that perfectly match your underwear is a simple and easy choice. Knee-high and thigh-high socks are really fucking sexy, too. Keep them on when you’re fucking — it’ll be a treat for your partner.
One of my personal favorite bedroom looks is knee-high socks, cute panties, and a tank top. As far as I’m concerned, no woman can go wrong with that.
You’ve Got a Sexy Side — Don’t Be Afraid to Show It
Making a little extra effort to feel cute and turn your partner on is worth it. It can give you a big boost in confidence and kick off some incredibly intense sex.
But I know from personal experience that it’s not always an easy thing to do. A lot of us have internalized so much shame about our bodies that anything that calls too much attention to it makes us feel bad about ourselves.
That’s why it’s important to start slow. If you don’t step too far out of your comfort zone, you can find ways to make yourself feel more attractive. Even if it’s just fucking in a cute pair of knee-high socks.
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