How to Impress a Girl

From the first date to the start of your relationship

Emma Austin
Feb 28, 2020 · 12 min read

You couldn’t believe your luck when you met her. Everything about her seemed so perfect.

She has a cute smile that somehow gets cuter when she’s acting shy. She’s sweet as can be. She’s down to earth and fun to talk to. You even felt a little chemistry between the two of you.

When she agreed to go on a date with you, you couldn’t stop fist pumping the air. But then you started getting a little nervous.

What if you mess this up?

You want her to see that you’re a great guy and that you’re really interested in her, not just playing around. You want her to feel good when she thinks about you. You want her to like you as much as you like her.

That means you can’t just be good enough — you have to stand out from the other guys.

And you want this to go somewhere. You don’t just want to wow her up front, you want to back up that first impression and back it up consistently.

So, here are some tips for impressing her — from the first date all the way through the start of your relationship.

Don’t Brag

She might think it’s cute that you’re trying to impress her. But if you do it by bragging, it’s going to backfire.

Instead of making her feel special, bragging comes off a little too self-centered, like you care more about yourself than you care about her.

It’s true that women find confidence really attractive, but confidence is quiet. When you brag, it comes across as cocky or insecure, which isn’t nearly as sexy.

Instead of puffing yourself up with your words, let your actions speak for themselves. If you’re a decent guy, you won’t need to constantly remind her. She’ll be able to see it for herself.

As for your accomplishments, those will come up organically as you get to know each other. You don’t need to force the conversation in that direction.

Really Listen to Her

Some of the worst conversations are with people who are just itching for it to be their turn to talk again. They pay attention to what you’re saying, but only because they’re looking for an excuse to jump back in and talk about themselves some more. It makes you wonder why you even bother talking.

Don’t make her feel that way. Ask her questions about herself and give her some room to speak. And really listen to what she says. Take it all in and get to know her instead of just politely waiting for her to finish so you can have the floor again.

This should come naturally. If you like her as much as you think you do, you should be curious about her. You should want her to open up and show you every side of herself. If you don’t, you might be into the idea of her more than her as a person.

If that’s the case, do a little soul searching to figure out what you want. Why do you like her? What drew you to her? Make sure you’re in it for the right reasons.

Be Polite to the Waitstaff

This is a rule I learned a long time ago and I’ve taken it very seriously: don’t just pay attention to the way he treats you, pay attention to how he treats the waitstaff.

This one saved me a lot of trouble. Even when a guy is being perfectly nice to me, I can often spot all his red flags right from the beginning because of the way he treats others. Because if he’s a dick to the waitstaff, it won’t be long before he’s a dick to you, too.

Here’s the thing: any guy can be nice to a girl he wants to fuck. But a good guy is going to be nice to everyone.

So, treat everyone you interact with well. It shows good character — and she’s going to notice when you don’t.

Make an Effort with Your Appearance

Most women put a ton of effort into the way they look. We put a lot of thought into how we dress no matter where we’re going and we spend a ridiculous amount of time applying our makeup to get the right “no makeup” look.

We appreciate it when a guy puts in some kind of effort, too.

Plus, we have the same five senses you guys have — we like to be with someone who looks good and smells good.

So, make sure you’re clean and well groomed. Style your hair. If you have a beard, make sure it’s neatly trimmed. Don’t overdo the cologne.

Dress appropriately for the occasion. Don’t show up for a dinner date in shorts and birkenstocks, and a blazer might be a little much if you’re taking her on a date to the carnival.

Chase Her

For the most part, women want to be chased. We want to feel desired. We want to feel like we’re worth the effort and that we’re not just a convenient piece of tail.

So, make it clear that you like her and you want her. If not explicitly, at least demonstrate it with your actions.

Dating guys can be needlessly difficult sometimes because a lot of them don’t often want to put their hearts on their sleeves. Sometimes, that’s because they’re emotionally unavailable, and that’s a whole topic on its own. But often, it’s just because they don’t want to make themselves vulnerable.

I get it. It’s hard to let your feelings show because that opens you up to rejection. If you play it really casual and it turns out she just wants to be friends, you can pretend that’s all you wanted, too.

By not chasing her, you get to save face. But you might also end up without the girl.

So, be a little more open. Show your interest. Pursue her a little more actively. If you do that, you’ll stand out in her mind because you’ll be the guy who has the emotional intelligence to convey the way you feel about her. At the very least, she’ll respect you for having some confidence and not being too scared to take a chance.

Know What You Want

In addition to showing that you want her, you should also be clear about what you want in general.

A man who knows what he wants is incredibly sexy because it shows that he’s independent, self-aware, and has self-respect. It shows that he’s able to actually take part in making decisions instead of just going with whatever other people want.

Those are qualities that will make you more fun and interesting on a date, but they also show that you might be mature enough to handle a real relationship. Because a relationship works best when you have a clear idea of what you want out of it.

Sometimes, guys go hot and cold because they don’t know what they want out of a relationship — or feel like they don’t have to decide. They pretend to want a relationship when all they really want is sex. Or they pretend to want sex when they want a relationship. Sometimes, they’ll flip-flop between the two.

Knowing what you want and being upfront about your intentions will make you seem much more serious, and that makes you look like a catch instead of a frustrating mystery.

Show Her You’re Thinking of Her

If she’s always the one initiating text conversations or calling you up, she’ll get the impression that she just doesn’t matter that much to you.

So, take that initiative and show her that she’s special enough to be on your mind even when she’s not around.

Text her out of the blue. Be the one who asks if she’s free for a call. Tell her when you see something that reminds you of her. Hit her up when you just feel like talking. Come up with a date idea and reach out to see if she’s interested.

Just don’t give her radio silence until she reaches out to you. Because sooner or later, she’ll stop.

Trust Her

This one can be a bit tough if you’ve been burned, but it’s an important one.

A lot of women feel like they’re constantly judged and scrutinized (there’s a reason we do full makeup just to get the mail). The last thing we want is a relationship with someone who’s so jealous we never get to put our guard down.

Don’t get weird about her having guy friends. If one of them happens to be her ex, don’t let that intimidate you. If she goes out to the club with the girls, don’t worry about what kind of guys might hit on her.

Easier said than done, I know. If you feel uncomfortable about it, process those feelings and have a conversation with her if you need to. But don’t make a huge deal out of it.

Remind yourself that she’s dating you, not those other guys. And although it’s normal to have some insecurities, it’s not cool to take it out on her.

Apologize Properly

When you’ve made a mistake, said something kind of hurtful, or forgot something important, own up to it.

You might be tempted to pretend it didn’t happen or deny till you die, but a secure man owns up to his faults. Plus, it shows the kind of self-awareness that makes you a good partner. No one wants to be with the man-child who thinks he can do no wrong.

How you apologize matters, too. Half-assed apologies, apologies that put the blame back on someone else, and empty words are just as bad as none at all.

When you apologize, show her you mean it. Be serious. Be intentional. Understand the gravity of the words you’re saying to her. And most of all, try to do better. No matter how sorry you feel, it’s going to ring hollow if you keep doing the same shit over and over.

Let Her Be Herself

I’ve dated guys who made fun of the music I liked and tried to get me into the stuff they listened to. It felt like they wanted to mold me into someone different (a version of themselves but with tits, I guess) instead of just dating me for the person I was.

I fully admit that my taste in music ranges from basic to dorky, but that shouldn’t have been a problem. It’s called taste for a reason — everyone has their own preferences and that’s fine.

Give her enough space to be herself and don’t yuck her yums. That goes for everything from music to hobbies to sex. You don’t have to be into everything she’s into but you shouldn’t shame her because of it.

And if you can’t like her for who she is, don’t treat her like a project for you to work on. Move on and find someone you like, appreciate, and respect as is.

Learn Her Love Language

Our love languages are the things that truly make us feel loved. It can be receiving a thoughtful gift. It can be taking some responsibilities off our shoulders. For some, it can even be getting some alone time. But it’s different for everyone.

Distance doesn’t do all that much for me, but I do need to hear words of affirmation. Without compliments, sweet nothings, and reassuring words it’s hard for me to truly feel loved. For my husband, it’s physical affection that’s most meaningful.

For the longest time, there was something missing in our relationship because words of affirmation felt kind of cheesy to him and physical affection didn’t come naturally to me. We both loved each other, but we didn’t know how to communicate that in a way that would be heard loud and clear.

Don’t put yourself in that spot. Find out what her love language is and learn to speak it.

If you’re really tuned in to this stuff, you might pick up on it as you get to know her. But there’s nothing wrong with just asking. Or you can even take the quiz together — it’s a fun way to get to know each other better and it’s what got me and Mr. Austin on the same page.

Compliment Her Sincerely

Compliment her and do it regularly. Don’t make it the only subject of conversation or anything, but do it enough that she’ll know you think highly of her.

It’s fine to say nice things about her looks, but try to find other things to praise her for so she knows you don’t just like her for superficial reasons. Compliment her intelligence and creativity. Talk up how talented she is at whatever the hell she’s talented at. Show her you’re impressed with her ambition and her work ethic.

Don’t bullshit her, though. Only say something if you mean it, not because you think it will sound nice. Most people can see through it and being insincere will make your real compliments less believable.

Compromise

A lot of women have been raised to be compromisers. We’ve been taught to make ourselves small and to be deferential, especially to men. So, it can be incredibly refreshing when someone takes our needs and wants seriously.

Don’t assume you’re always going to get your way by default. Find ways to meet in the middle. And make sure you put her first sometimes.

Give a little ground when it’s called for. Don’t be too stubborn about things that don’t matter much to you. She shouldn’t always have to fight for what she wants.

Fight Fair

Fights happen. You’re two people with different personalities, different points of view, and different backgrounds — you won’t always see eye to eye.

How you handle those fights matters a lot.

It can be tempting to fight dirty in the heat of an argument. You might want to say something you know will be hurtful. You might say some passive aggressive stuff you don’t even mean just so you can win the argument. Or you might take all the little things that bother you and dump them all on her at once.

That’s never a productive way to approach things, even if it feels right in the moment.

Keep a level head when you’re in a fight. Handle the conflict with a calm voice and by sharing your feelings instead of trying to hurt hers. If you need to take a few moments to cool off by yourself before saying anything, call a time-out so you can do that.

Fighting fair shows that you respect her, that you can exercise restraint instead of flying off the handle, and that you can be a good partner when things are going bad, not just when they’re great.

Take Consent Seriously

Women spend too much of their time dealing with guys who are being creepy, sleazy, or pushy. You should be above that.

Dating her doesn’t give you permission to ignore her boundaries or try to push past her limits. Whether you’re going for that first kiss, hoping to get laid, or trying to escalate sexually, make sure she’s really into it before charging ahead.

Don’t make it hard or uncomfortable for her to say no — always give her an out and don’t be upset if she takes it. Make it clear that everything is her choice and that even though you’d love to get frisky, it’s only going to happen if she wants it as badly as you do.

Taking her consent seriously is the right thing to do. It’s basic human decency. Unfortunately, it’s not always respected. Make that respect a given with you. She’ll think more highly of you if you make her feel safe.

Give Her Pleasure

You’ve heard about the orgasm gap. Be part of the solution to it.

Women can trade story after story about the guys who barely made them moan and left them only half-fucked. You don’t have to be one of them.

Get her off every time you have sex. The good times shouldn’t end when you come — they should end when you’re both exhausted, satisfied, panting, and ready to tap out.

Great sex isn’t super complicated. Build lots of anticipation. Make time for foreplay. Use your fingers and tongue to pleasure her clit. Ask how she prefers to get off and take her feedback. And don’t stick to the same technique if it isn’t working.

The results are going to be worth it. If you both focus on giving each other pleasure, it’s going to make for some explosive sex.

Up Your Odds

I didn’t include any flashy stuff in this post. There’s nothing here about showing up to a date in an expensive car or having the body of a model.

Arguably, those are impressive, but they’re not impressive in the right way. I like toned abs and forearms as much as the next lady, but they don’t matter as much as some people think. A nice body might get a girl’s attention, but it’s the things that make her feel special and make you seem mature that show her you’re relationship material.

Being an impressive guy won’t guarantee that she falls for you or that your relationship lasts. You still need compatible personalities and some kind of spark. But it will increase your odds.

You don’t want to blow your chance with a girl you like. So, make yourself impressive, show her a good time, and get that next date.

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page: https://linktr.ee/EmmaAustin

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page: https://linktr.ee/EmmaAustin

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

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