My mom tried to hide stuff from me and my brother. It didn’t work.
I was bored. I was nosey. If the only thing on TV were reruns, I’d sometimes go rummaging through the house.
I found all the adult stuff my parents tucked out of sight. There were erotic novels. There was the edible chocolate body paint. I once found a penis-shaped squirt gun that was good for a smirk but not much else.
And of course, I discovered all the porn that beamed in through the satellite dish.
But there was one thing I never found: a Hitachi Magic Wand.
I thought it was only a matter of time before I found one hidden in my mother’s bedroom. I figured every woman of my mom’s generation had one tucked away somewhere. So, either my mother was the exception to that rule or I seriously underestimated how adventurous the local moms were.
I was surprised my mother didn’t own a Magic Wand because I wanted to try one since I started humping my pillows.
But even when I started experimenting with sex toys, there was one thing that kept me from buying a Magic Wand: the size.
Discreet, Tamagotchi-sized bullet vibrators were easy to conceal in my underwear drawer. But where the hell could I hide a vibrator the size of a miniature baseball bat?
After experimenting with some sex toys, I got a sense of what I liked. I equipped myself with a variety of vibrators and even branched out to try things like Ben Wa balls.
But I still never tried the Magic Wand. It seemed so retro compared to the sleek silicone toys that populate the drawer that’s too high for even my older kid to reach.
Lately, it was on my mind again. I’m not humping pillows and digging through my mom’s stuff anymore, but I’m still horny and curious. So, I decided to order one and find out once and for all why so many women swore by these massagers.
Not Gonna Lie, This Thing Scared Me
I was really excited when the Wand came in the mail. But my excitement turned to worry almost as soon as I plugged it in.
I knew the Wand had a reputation for being powerful. I heard it was strong enough to give women who could never climax their first orgasm.
What I didn’t know is that it vibrated so hard my hand almost hurt from holding it.
The loud, intense buzzing was kind of terrifying. I’m not used to applying industrial strength machinery to my clit, but I was determined to carry out my experiment.
I was too lazy to read the return policy, anyway.
I did the only sensible thing I could do with a device so goddamn intimidating. I kept my pants on.
Stimulating myself through two layers of clothes (I’m not the type to go commando) was kind of pleasurable. But the Wand was so strong I felt like my vulva was being shaken too vigorously.
I felt less like I was using a sex toy and more like I had decided to hump a vibrating massage chair.
I’m sure I could have gotten off if I had kept it between my legs, but I decided to save that for the evening. I was going to try to experience the real deal, with some heavy skin-to-plastic contact.
What in the Hell Did I Just Go Through?
I figured the safest way to use the Magic Wand was to incorporate it into my usual sex routine.
A little rubbing and finger here, a bit (okay a lot) of clit licking and dick stroking there, and something that vibrates at a speed found nowhere in nature to give myself all sorts of crazy orgasms.
Except this time, those vibrations would be less like an electric toothbrush with an over achievement complex and more like a prototype for a miniature jet engine.
After all the standard foreplay, I handed the Wand to my husband and asked him to please, please be careful.
He listened. But it didn’t matter. This thing was kind of a beast, and my clit could barely stand it.
I persevered. I wanted to see what it felt like to use this thing and I wasn’t going to let it defeat me.
I’m happy to report that I came. More than once, in fact.
Those orgasms were powerful and very enjoyable. But like all good things in life, the journey often matters more than the destination. I may have climaxed, but the road to achieve it was a very bumpy one.
Although I was applying a popular sex toy to my privates, I wouldn’t call the sensation I experienced pleasurable. The vibrations were so intense it kind of felt painful — uncomfortable for sure.
After two orgasms, I had enough. I decided to revert back to some classic, surefire hits.
I invited my husband to put his face between my legs. But I was so damn numb that his tongue didn’t feel nearly as good as it usually does.
That confirmed it. The Wand ruined me.
Using the Wand was quite an experience, but not the one I expected. It was the sex toy equivalent of being fucked so hard you can’t walk straight. It left me with the same confused “Was that enjoyable or not?” feeling, but at least I didn’t have to delete anyone’s number from my phone after it was over.
After we were done, my clit felt raw and sore. I went to bed, but my ordeal wasn’t quite over yet.
I woke up still feeling a little sensitive and sore. That physical discomfort came with some psychological effects, too. Because my crotch felt used and abused, I had lost interest in having sex after weeks of at least low-key wanting it at various points in the day.
I even took a bath (prime time for self-pleasure) and checked out some videos of a very handsome man getting himself off that my husband recommended to me (he knows my type) — and still, nothing.
I watched YouTube videos instead of porn and played with the bubbles instead of myself.
Thankfully, my sexual desires have since returned and my pussy has recovered. But I’ve learned that I am way too sensitive for anything high powered.
This might work wonders for women who have trouble achieving orgasm. It might even be an amazing experience for the average lady. But I have a very sensitive clit, so I need to play with toys that are a little more my speed.
I’ll never be the woman with a drawer full of wands. But I’m not going to throw this one out, either. I still have one use for it.
I’m not at all into period sex, and I even get a little squeamish about touching myself when my flow is at its heaviest. Having a toy that can get me off through my pants means I won’t have to go without an orgasm just because my cycle’s being a bitch.
Using the Magic Wand raw was a mostly upsetting experience. But anything that helps me get off when I’m at my grumpiest deserves a place in my life.
The Magic Wand was too much for me, but since writing this I found a toy that really gets me off. It’s the Sultry by Pillow Talk and it’s one of my favorite sex toys. That’s an affiliate link, by the way. If you click on it and purchase anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you will be supporting my work. ❤
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