I wrote about a short-lived, but very intense, fling I had with a man I met through my mailing list.
It was thrilling. It was fulfilling. Then it came crashing down and left me heartbroken. I’m still nursing the wounds from the whole experience.
But I’m a confessional blogger, so I keep telling myself the same thing I tell myself whenever shitty things happen to me: “at least some good blog posts came out of it.”
Something else came out of it, too. Something a lot less welcome. A lot more men started emailing me.
Don’t get me wrong. I love hearing from my fans and readers. When something I write speaks to someone, I’m more than happy for them to let me know. That’s part of the reason I do this.
And hey, I’m a bored work-at-home mom. I can use the human contact.
What I can’t use, though, are guys trying to hit me up for sex.
Thanks for Reading, But…
Emails from horny men have been making their way to my inbox pretty much since day one.
And for the most part, they’re fine. Really. I love horny men and women. I love that my writing is having such a nice positive effect on people. And when people email to thank me for it, it puts a little smile on my face.
But something changed when I started writing about my online romance with Rob.
Things got hot with Rob. Like, really hot. Pretty much as hot as things can get over email.
We talked dirty to each other.
I wrote quite a few one-handed emails.
We had a threesome with my husband (Rob was still over email — Mr. Austin was between my legs).
I took my very first naughty photos and sent them to him.
I recorded myself having an orgasm to give him something exciting to listen to.
Like I said, it was hot.
I’m still getting emails from horny men thanking me for helping them understand their sexuality. I’m still getting emails from horny men writing to share their own personal stories. I’m still getting emails from horny men just telling me that they found what I wrote hot and that my latest blog post is going right into their spank bank.
But now I’m also getting lots of emails from men hoping to be the next Rob.
Actually, no, Rob approached me in a very gentlemanly fashion, connected with me, earned my trust, and made me feel safe. That’s not what these men want.
These men are reaching hoping I’d flirt with them and show them my tits.
Those emails are super transparent. Their motive is practically in the subject line. But even if it wasn’t, it’s not lost on me that I see a spike in them right after posting about how I shared nudes, shared my orgasm, or had cybersex.
The emails are all a little different, but they all have a few things in common. They come on strong. They act entitled. They aren’t all that interested in talking to me or getting to know me. They don’t share details of their personal lives (unless telling me about their dick size and how they masturbate counts — [hint: it doesn’t]).
And when I don’t reciprocate with horny, flirty emails of my own, these guys disappear (if I’m lucky) or write angry responses (sadly often).
Instead of my inbox filling up with nice messages from sweet hipsters, I’m getting flooded by men about twice my age trying to perv on me.
They must have skipped that article I wrote about how to get in my pants because they are failing hard.
As far as I can tell, I have a wide and diverse audience. And that feels really rewarding.
But whenever I decide whether I should write about a certain topic, I always think about the people I started writing my blog posts for.
When I started out, I imagined writing for people like me. I wrote for the pervy ladies out there who feel like they can’t say what they’re really thinking when in polite company. I wrote for the horny moms who spend all day with their kids and at the end of the day they just want to have thoughts that are so adult that no kid would be allowed to hear them. I wrote for the women with complicated sex drives, the ones who sometimes feel like their brains want one thing but their body wants another.
And I wrote for the gentlemen who can appreciate these women and have the patience to try to understand them.
(Sorry fellas, I know we can be a little complicated. We appreciate your efforts, though.)
That doesn’t mean these are the only people my writing is for. These are just the people I think of when I figure out what I want to say and how I want to say it. They’re the people I’m writing to.
I write in the hopes that some of them could feel seen. I write because blog posts like the ones I write always made me feel empowered. And I write just so I can feel a connection with others.
What I don’t do is write so I can get digitally cat-called.
And guys, here’s a tip: no one does.
Things have gotten so bad I decided to make a change to my newsletter.
I used to personally send every new subscriber an exclusive erotic short story. It was a little quickie, under 1,000 words, just as a thank you to the people who signed up.
That started before I was blogging, when I was focusing on erotica. Back then, women really were my audience, and I figured it’d be a nice little something to send a fellow bored housewife so she could get a little titillation in the afternoon (God knows I can use some on most days).
But I’ve discontinued it. I’m no longer comfortable sending it to just anyone and everyone. Not when I’m getting the kinds of emails I’m getting.
One subscriber even told me that men are acting the way they do because I “deliberately arouse” them by writing the content I do.
Look, I know I have written for the purpose of arousing readers. I wrote erotica for heaven’s sake. But I wasn’t pushing it on anyone. I wrote it and put it online so people who wanted to be aroused could find it, pay for it, and read it.
I wasn’t looking to be aroused in return. Just because someone sought my material out to get aroused doesn’t mean they get to reach out to me with sexual expectations.
I don’t know if all erotica writers have to deal with this (or if it’s only bloggers who are foolish enough to write about their cyber hookup with a reader), but if they do, my heart goes out to them. They’re definitely not getting paid enough.
I Love Cocks — in the Right Context
I also wrote about my love of dicks. Specifically, I wrote about how I love to look at dicks.
But I really didn’t think I had to spell out that I only like it in the right context.
When I go looking at dicks, I’m more than happy to see some.
When I’m engaged in a long and deep exchange with someone and it comes up organically, then sure, I might enjoy a peek.
But when I’m scrolling through my emails while making school lunches for my kids, I’m not exactly in the right mood for reading someone’s detailed description of their erection. At that point, it just feels invasive.
I love cock when it feels consensual. If someone posts theirs online and I go looking for it, that’s great. They posted it when they wanted to, and I looked when I felt like it.
But when someone just out of the goddamn blue decides to give me a detailed description of how they masturbate because I wrote an article about how I enjoy looking at a penis once in a while, it doesn’t really feel like I’m taking part in an experience I signed up for.
And I still haven’t received any tit pics, but I bet even for those I’d like a little context. At least shake my hand and ask my name before revealing that much.
Keep Writing to Me But Keep It in Your Pants
Once again, I love hearing from my readers. One of the biggest rewards of doing this is knowing that others are feeling seen and empowered by what I write, or even that it made them smile.
Keep it coming, please. Even the guys — I love hearing from you, too.
And I’m not closing myself off to forming a genuine friendship with a reader. That’s happened before, and it could happen again. Some people just click, you know?
And hell, I’m not even discounting the idea of having a genuine friendship turning into a little bit more over time. It happened with Rob, so it could happen again (with a happier ending, hopefully).
But please, when you decide to private message me, DM me, or email me, just keep it in your pants. Trust me, if I ever want to see it or hear about it, you’ll know.
Let’s keep in touch! Sign up for my weekly newsletter (I won’t send you anything without your enthusiastic consent!)
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