Men Need Lube Too

Show him a really good time

Emma Austin
Aug 4 · 6 min read

There’s a big divide between men. Some of them use lube and swear by it. The rest never touch the stuff.

My husband used to be in that second group.

He would get himself off with a dry palm. With his cock covered by his foreskin, he could himself come without ever having to use lube or even saliva.

I knew he didn’t need it, but I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t use some just to make getting himself off more fun.

Eventually, I convinced him to try it. I suggested it to him and showed him how much fun I could have with it. But he really changed his mind when I started using lube to give him slick, slippery handjobs.

Now, he uses it without fail and he seems pretty damn happy he gave it a try.

There’s a misconception that lube is for women. Plenty of men think it’s just not for them. And the women who buy lube almost always get it for themselves, not to use on their male partners.

Because of that, too many cocks are going unlubed.

I’ve even had men tell me they wish the women they slept with would use some with them, but they’re too embarrassed to ask for it. From their telling, most of the women they encounter give handjobs without any kind of lubrication.

They find those to be uncomfortable, painful, overstimulating, or not as pleasurable as they could be. But they quietly go through with it because they worry that bringing it up would be tantamount to telling her that she’s bad at sex.

That’s a shame. Not just because no one should be in a situation where they’re not comfortable voicing their needs. But also because no one should have to ask when it comes to lube. It should be the default.

Lube is a basic sex accessory that can make sex better in a lot of different ways. Everyone’s aware that it can make being penetrated a lot easier, but here are some of the reasons it can be great for pleasuring cocks, too.

Avoid Overstimulation

We tend to think that dicks are tough and robust. I mean, those things can get really fucking hard and sometimes it seems like they could withstand anything.

But they can still get overstimulated.

I’ve got a very sensitive clit, so I know from personal experience what overstimulation means. It’s uncomfortable, unpleasant, and it makes it a lot harder to come.

The same thing can happen to men.

There’s a lot of friction involved when you’re stroking your hand up and down a cock. Some guys can enjoy that, but for others it’s just too much.

I’ve seen that firsthand. When the foreskin is pulled back on Mr. Austin’s cock, his exposed head is extremely sensitive. Stimulating it without any kind of lube usually makes him wince instead of moan.

I’ve even had men tell me they hate handjobs because receiving one hurts.

But all that overstimulation could be avoided with a generous amount of lube. That’s all it takes to reduce the friction, avoid discomfort, and make handjobs as pleasurable as they should be.

Enhance His Pleasure

Lube doesn’t just make handjobs more pleasurable for guys who need it, though. Even for guys who can enjoy being stroked without it, the slickness and wetness is going to make it feel better.

Lube has a way of magnifying the sexual stimulation you get. It’s like it intensifies every touch or stroke — in a very good way.

The texture is also really nice. That slipperiness makes stroking a cock even more fun than it already is.

Cure That Death Grip

Death grip is not easy to overcome, but one of your best tools for dealing with it is lube.

Guys get death grip when they’re used to masturbating in a way that can’t be replicated by their partner.

Often, that means jerking off while squeezing so firmly that he gets accustomed to the kind of pressure no pussy could ever replicate.

The cure is to change the way he gets off. Basically, to retrain his cock to get off from less intense forms of sexual stimulation.

Loosening his grip when he’s masturbating helps a lot. And lube encourages him to do that because he’ll be able to enjoy more stimulation with less friction.

Getting off with something wet is also a good way to prepare his cock to come from penetrative sex.

There Is Such a Thing as a Dry Blowjob

Yes, mouths are wet, but they’re not always wet enough.

Dry blowjobs can happen, and even though they’re not as bad as dry handjobs, they cause the same problems. They can be uncomfortable, overstimulating, and less pleasurable than they should be.

I sometimes get dry mouth, so I know from personal experience that dry blowjobs are harder to give, too. They’re less comfortable, especially if the guy is on the girthier side.

Even if you don’t have dry mouth, it can be hard to sustain the amount of saliva you need to give a really slippery blowjob. Plus, it’s always more fun to focus on the cock you’re sucking instead of making sure you’re drooling enough.

Lube solves that problem so you can concentrate on giving the best damn blowjob you can.

The Right Lubes for Pleasuring Cocks

After trying lots of different kinds of lube, I can say without a doubt that getting the right lube matters.

The kind of lube you need will depend mainly on what you’re using it for.

The nice thing about stroking a cock is that you can use any kind of lube for it.

A lot of men swear by oil-based lubes and a lot of personal lubricants designed specifically for male masturbation are oil-based. I haven’t found a commercial one I’ve fallen in love with yet, but I’ve used coconut oil and sweet almond oil with good results.

The big downside to oil-based lubes is that they’re not compatible with latex. So, avoid slathering his cock with it if you’re going to use a condom after you’re done.

Silicone-based lube is my personal favorite for just about anything. It’s really slick, slippery, and lasts a long time.

The drawback with silicone lube is that you can’t use it with silicone sex toys.

That’s normally not a problem for handjobs, but it could be if you’re planning to use a stroker or sleeve, a silicone cockring, or a couples toy.

Water-based lube is universal — you can use it for almost anything. The only major downside to it is that it washes away quickly. That’s not usually a problem (in fact, it makes cleaning up a lot easier), but it’s not a great choice if you plan on using it in the shower.

I’ve found that quality varies a lot with water-based lubes. The worst ones get tacky over the course of a handjob, need to be reapplied often, and aren’t as slippery as you’d like them to be. But great water-based lubes will stay really slick without getting gummy or unpleasant to the touch.

Water-based lube is also the best option for blowjobs. It doesn’t have to be flavored, but it’s a lot more fun if it is.

You might have to try a few different kinds of flavored lube before you find one you like. They’re definitely not all the same. And like every other kind of water-based lube, your experience is usually less pleasant when you go for a cheaper brand.

If you’re not sure where to start, my personal favorites are the ones by Jo Systems (the cotton candy flavored one is my current go-to) but I’ve also had really good luck with Sliquid Swirl lubes.

Lube Up

You might encounter a man who doesn’t like the feeling of lube and would prefer to go dry. That’s fine. But it’s also rare.

In general, you should default to lubing up, especially since some guys aren’t entirely comfortable asking for what they need.

If you might give impromptu handjobs in the future, carry some lube in your purse (there’s nothing sexier than a woman who comes prepared).

If you want to give better head, keep flavored lube in your nightstand.

A lot of people talk about men’s bodies like they’re simple. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t show them a little extra love and care. Use lube to make your guy feel better, give him more pleasure, and treat him to some great stimulation.

Every woman knows wetter is better. Now, it’s time to apply that to him.

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page:

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page:

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store