The first time I flooded myself sexually, it was by accident.
I was at a point in my life where I was really into anal sex. I was really turned on by it. It became one of my favorite porn categories and I sought it out when I wanted to get off.
But I didn’t actually enjoy anal.
I had some fun with it when I was younger, but it was always a bit of a gamble for me. Sometimes, it was a bit pleasurable. But other times, it was just okay or even a little uncomfortable. And the initial penetration never felt good, no matter how much lube or preparation was involved.
After a while, it just wasn’t worth it anymore. It became an occasional thing at first, and then I stopped doing it entirely.
When I started regularly jilling off to anal porn, I hadn’t been ass fucked in years and I was just fine keeping it that way. It could stay a fantasy and nothing more.
Then, at some point, my fantasies kind of took over. I didn’t just want to watch it happen — I had a strong urge to do it.
The next time I had sex with my husband, I whispered three words I hadn’t said to him in a very, very long time.
Fuck my ass.
He got the lube and I got into position. It went perfectly. The initial penetration was still uncomfortable, but once that was over and done with it felt really good.
I was in the perfect mindset for it. I was incredibly turned on and relaxed. I felt a craving to have him inside me.
His cock slowly fucking me felt so pleasurable — better than I ever remembered it feeling before. It made me come hard and I knew something had changed.
I had watched so much anal porn that I learned to find it pleasurable again.
I had flooded myself without meaning to and it worked.
Learning to Love Oral
Flooding is a technique used by therapists to treat phobias. The idea is simple: if something scares you, you should expose yourself to it repeatedly. By flooding yourself with the stressful or frightening stimulus you become so accustomed to it that you stop fearing it.
I figured i could use a similar technique to modify my sexual preferences.
That’s more or less what I did with anal porn. I took something I didn’t find pleasurable and exposed myself to it so much that I learned to enjoy it.
I essentially made the fantasy into a reality by changing my mindset around it. All the videos I watched helped me reframe the act as something pleasurable, not just a gamble with too little payoff.
And that’s not the only time I did it. Once I realized it worked, I wanted to test it out and see if I could flood myself again.
I tried it again when I started writing erotica. The more I wrote, the more I read, and the more research I did, the more I realized that I wasn’t giving very good blowjobs. I was doing the bare minimum — taking a dick in my mouth and bobbing on it for a bit.
It was better than nothing, I’m sure. But I wanted to get better.
I knew what was standing in my way. I wasn’t giving good blowjobs because blowjobs never turned me on. It was almost like a courtesy. I didn’t want to be a selfish lover, so I did it to please my partner. I also really enjoyed having Mr. Austin go down on me, so I thought it would only be fair to repay the favor once in a while.
I didn’t mind giving head, but there was no enthusiasm to it. If I was going to improve, I’d have to learn to enjoy it more.
So, I tried to flood myself again. This time, with blowjob porn.
That was a whole new world for me. Obviously, I’d seen blowjobs in porn before, but I used to skip them. I found the focus on blowjobs frustrating. Most of the time, the female performers didn’t receive any oral sex or only a token amount — a few licks before he sticks his dick in her.
If she wasn’t getting hers, I wasn’t all that interested in seeing him get his. So, I would click ahead until I got to the fucking.
Now, after years of skipping blowjob scenes, I made an effort to watch nothing but blowjobs. I’d look for videos that were nothing but head from start to finish.
I binged on blowjobs and watched very attentively. I paid attention to the techniques the women used. I looked at the way the men were reacting to it. I watched the way their muscles moved when they came.
And it worked. For the first time in my life, I got turned on by blowjobs. Not fascinated by them. Not into the whole naughtiness of it. Fully turned on and aroused.
When it was time to put my new skills to the test, I didn’t have to fake it. My enthusiasm was very real. I felt like I was doing it for myself, not just for my husband. I wanted it almost as much as he did.
Overcoming My Insecurities
Flooding myself with anal porn helped me physically enjoy one of my turn-ons.
Flooding myself with blowjob porn taught me to get aroused by something I was doing but didn’t really care for.
The next time I flooded myself, it was to help me with my insecurities.
By this point, I was in my 30s and I had started to do away with a lot of the shame surrounding sex.
But there were two things I couldn’t shake. I still felt embarrassed by squirting and I was very self-conscious about my body.
I knew I could squirt, but I had only ever done it alone and in the shower, never with a partner. But then my husband and I started talking about it and we thought it might be fun to try.
There were just a couple of problems. We weren’t sure how to do it and I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of squirting with someone else.
Learning how to do it would just take a bit of research. Getting comfortable would take more than that. I read about women’s experiences with squirting, but I just couldn’t feel as secure about it as they seemed to.
So, I turned to porn.
I had never sought out squirting porn before. It’s something I always found fascinating but it didn’t really turn me on.
To me, it was just a weird thing my body could do. But the more I watched, the more those feelings of weirdness were replaced by something a lot more positive.
I watched video after video of women who were clearly enjoying squirting and who were with partners who seemed to enjoy getting them there. I saw intense pleasure, giddy surprise, and elation. Seeing those depictions over and over made squirting something I could understand as fun and exciting — not just in theory, but on a gut level.
After flooding myself, I could let go and enjoy the experience, without any embarrassment.
My body image would be more of a challenge.
I made it a point to look for porn with women who are my size. I’m not thin, but every woman in mainstream porn is. So, watching porn turns me on, but it also kind of reminds me that I don’t have the kind of body people consider sexy.
Porn featuring chubby women showed me something I had been missing without realizing it. I watched women with my body type or larger being sexy and enjoying their bodies. It also showed me men enjoying those women’s bodies, too. And enjoying them a lot.
Those women were attractive. They were incredibly confident. And I admired how comfortable they looked — they were undressing and fucking without any shame whatsoever. And they could enjoy sex a lot more because of it.
That had a big effect on me. Those women fucked like the best of them and I wanted to get to a point where my body didn’t hold me back, either.
I won’t say I’m there. I haven’t completely overcome the negative feelings I have about my body. But it definitely helped.
Watching plus sized women fuck confidently helped me feel sexier. It showed me that a person like me should be able to feel as sexy as anyone else. It’s partly why I stopped fucking in total darkness. It’s why I get fully naked (down to my socks) instead of keeping my shirt on. It’s the reason I could finally start wearing sexy costumes and lingerie instead of deciding that it’s not for women like me.
Rewire Your Pleasure
Flooding myself with porn helped me do three things.
It taught me to enjoy something that only turned me on in theory.
It helped me get turned on by something I did but couldn’t get much enjoyment from.
And it helped me work through some of my sexual insecurities.
I assume it works because it helps build a strong association between certain acts and depictions of pleasure. Seeing people having fun, getting passionate and lusty, and practically begging for something to be done to them makes a great case for it.
Getting off to something also normalizes it. It can reframe something you think is a source of shame and make it sexy. That’s powerful stuff.
I’m sure there are some limits to this method. I don’t think it could ever get me into gagging. Anything violent or too painful is probably completely off limits for me, no matter how hard I would try to enjoy it. But if there’s a kind of sex you wish you could enjoy or a part of sex you wish you could be more comfortable with, I highly recommend flooding yourself with the right kind of content. So far, it’s worked for me every time I’ve done it.
And even if it doesn’t work for you, at least you’ll get to enjoy plenty of porn and self-love while trying.
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