The Conversation Around Dick Pics Shames Men’s Bodies

Unsolicited dick pics are horrible, but dicks aren’t

Emma Austin
Jan 13, 2020 · 7 min read

The first time I received a dick pic, I asked for it.

I don’t mean that I was harassed but deserved it (that’s not a thing, by the way). I meant that I literally asked to get one.

Back in March of 2019, one of my readers, who I’ll call Dr. Scott, read my article about how I’d never received a dick pic. After years on the internet and a full month of blogging about sex, I had braced myself for a dickstorm, but I didn’t even get a trickle. It struck me as odd.

He offered to fix the drought and be my first.

There was something about his approach that worked. He wrote to me in a way that was both courteous and charming. And I had already had a few pleasant interactions with him before, so he had been vetted long before he offered to drop his trousers for me.

After talking it over with my husband (I always turn to him when I have a tough decision), I agreed to it. I told Dr. Scott that I would be happy to have a peek at what he kept tucked away in his junk drawer.

I hesitated for a few moments before hitting Send because I honestly had no idea what to expect when you agree to a dick pic from a guy who is basically a stranger.

But then I hit the button, and ten minutes later I got another kind email from him with a few photos attached.

There it was. My first set of dick pics.

And I loved them.

Truly, I did. They exceeded my expectations. I’ve seen a lot of dicks in my life, but I had never seen any framed quite so nicely. Dr. Scott had a nice cock, sure, but what really dazzled me was the lighting, the composition of the shots, and the inventive angles.

They were black and white, too. Extra classy.

I had no idea dick pics could look this good. Dr. Scott’s photography skills set my bar for dick pics and it was set high.

That was my first real experience with dick pics.

Months later, I received another dick pic. This time, I didn’t ask for it. It wasn’t even offered to me. It was just there, sitting in my messages, with no fanfare.

After the pic came through, I got a line of text. The owner of the dick had read one of my articles and thought I would appreciate seeing what he was packing.

If he had read more of my articles, he would’ve known I’m not into getting unsolicited dongs in my DMs.

I ignored the dick and the message because what else are you supposed to do with this kind of nonsense? The next day, he messaged again, this time asking about my writing. I ignored that message, too (when you start with your dick instead of “hello,” you don’t really get to come back from that).

He persevered. The day after, he messaged me again. This time to inform me that he makes molded replicas of his cock and I could have one if I wanted. Which is quite bold — if I didn’t respond to his dick why would I mail order a copy of it?

I decided not to find out what else he was going to offer the next day. I blocked him and moved on.

So, not a great experience overall. Not because there was anything wrong with this guy’s dick (though it would be way too big for my small mouth) or anything wrong with the photo per se (though laying his dick across a keyboard for scale is a questionable choice). It’s because I didn’t want it and I didn’t ask for it. I might be a sex blogger, but that doesn’t mean I want to start my day with a dick in my face, especially one I don’t know.

So, my first and my last experiences with dick pics were completely different. One was fun and exciting. The other was just a pain in the ass.

Clearly, the problem is with the approach these guys took, not with the fact that I had to see a dick.

And yet, I keep coming across people who imply it is.

Dick Pics Are Great

There’s been a long, ongoing discussion about unsolicited dick pics, and I’m glad we’re having it. Unsolicited dick pics are some bullshit and I’m glad a lot of us are addressing it.

But in a lot of arguments against unsolicited dick pics, there’s something that rubs me the wrong way.

Sometimes, it’s in an article. Sometimes, it’s in the comments. But sooner or later, someone will usually chime in and say that no one wants to see a photo of a dick anyway.

In fact, just the other day, I heard a vlogger say about dick pics, “Nobody wants to see that. I mean, really, what woman has ever asked to see that?”

Well, this woman has.

I love looking at dicks (I feel the need for a disclaimer here: not just any dick, not just at any time, and not without my permission).

There was Dr. Scott and then another guy whose pics I eagerly welcomed.

I subscribe to a few subreddits specifically so I can look at hot guys’ dicks.

And I have a folder on my laptop filled with photos I took of my husband’s cock (please don’t hack me, he doesn’t need the validation).

I’ve always loved looking at dicks when they’re attached to someone I like or was attracted to. I’ve always enjoyed seeing my boyfriends’ cocks, and I don’t ever shy away from looking at Mr. Austin’s.

Then there are the other people in my life whose dicks I can’t help but wonder about, even though I’m not necessarily attracted to them. And I can think of a few writers, vloggers, and celebrities whose packages I’d love to see unwrapped.

And of course, there’s porn. Part of the reason I watch so much of it is to look at cock.

To me, it just makes sense. I love dicks. I love some of the people who have dicks. So, why wouldn’t I want to at least have a little glimpse at them?

So, it’s just not true that “no one wants to see that.” I’m only one of the 40k subscribers to r/beardsandboners and we’re all here for the boner part.

But the biggest issue isn’t that I don’t feel represented by that comment. It’s that it both misses the point and creates body shame at the same time.

The Real Problem Isn’t the Dicks

At best, unsolicited dick pics are just pointless (the internet is flush with cocks and they’re not hard to find) and a nuisance (I don’t need my DMs clogged with this nonsense).

They’re also unexpected and because you didn’t agree to it, it often hits your messages with piss poor timing. You’re just trying to eat your breakfast or you’re waiting in line at the bank and a dick pops up on your phone.

It also shows poor judgment. Whoever starts with a dick instead of a proper conversation is probably not the kind of person most of us would want to spend time talking to.

But the worst thing is that unsolicited dick pics are a form of sexual harassment. It’s digital flashing. It’s escalating things to that level without securing consent first.

Those are the things we need to talk about. When someone says that no one wants to look at a dick, they’re missing the point. They’re making the conversation about aesthetic preference, not harassment. It’s a distraction from the real issue.

Leave the Body Shame Out of It

The other problem with the “no one wants to see that” narrative is that it’s body shaming.

We should shame guys who cyberflash, not shame guys in general for their cocks.

It especially bothers me because I know what it’s like to be told that no one wants to see your body.

I’m a chubby woman and there have been multiple times in my life that I’ve heard or it was implied that no one wants to see a plus sized woman in the nude. Bodies like mine aren’t always represented as desirable. They’re criticized. They’re used as punchlines. And sometimes people act like it’s generally agreed that no one could find them attractive.

In essence, “no one wants to see that.”

That shit hurts. It’s had a big impact on my self-esteem and my body image.

I’ve had a really hard time embracing my body because I know the way some people think about it.

I’ve always wanted to show it off and be proud of it, but I can never be comfortable doing that because of the narratives around bodies like mine.

And it doesn’t matter that I know it’s not true that “no one wants to see that.” I’m married to a man who very much loves to see it (and he’s only one of the 471k subscribers to r/gonewildcurvy).

It doesn’t matter because hearing the negative shit over and over gets into your head. It’s not an isolated incident. It’s everywhere. For every Lizzo, there are a dozen anonymous assholes writing horrible tweets about women’s bodies. It becomes a narrative. It digs deep into you and you can’t help but feel insecure about your body because of it.

That’s why I hate the “no one wants to see that” comments about dick pics. A lot of guys are insecure enough about their cocks as it is, and that kind of narrative won’t help.

Instead of knowing that their bodies will be appreciated by the people who love them, they might have to feel embarrassed by it.

Having your body type shamed is not a great experience. It’s really damaging. And it needs to stop.

Let’s change the conversation. Call out the harassment and shame the people who do it — fine. But let’s do it in a way that celebrates bodies and elevates the people who have the good sense to only show their nudes to the people who want to lay their eyes on them.

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page:

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page:

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

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