What Does It Take to Be a Daddy?

And why the daddy kink is so hot

Emma Austin
Aug 30, 2020 · 8 min read

My daddy kink used to really embarrass me.

Even when I was opening up to my husbands about the things that turn me on and the kind of porn I enjoy the most, I left that one unspoken.

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I wasn’t harboring a secret shame. But I knew that a lot of people have a strong and very negative reaction to anything daddy-related.

It’s a fetish that elicits a lot of very visceral reactions — people seem to either love daddy kink or hate it.

Even though it seems to be growing in popularity, it’s still widely misunderstood. Whenever it’s discussed online, you’ll see comments from people chiming in that they’re disgusted by it, weirded out that it’s a thing, or just plain skeeved out.

That’s not the kind of neutral, “to each their own” attitude you see when sexual submission, flogging, and other kinks are brought up.

My husband is an open-minded and understanding guy. I can confide in him about everything. But I couldn’t shake the worry that he’d have the same kind of reaction. That my daddy kink was the one that would weird him out — the one that he’d think went too far.

He knew I had a thing for daddies, but I never told him it was a full-blown fetish.

I couldn’t confess that to him until I could finally articulate why I was attracted to daddies and why the daddy dynamic turned me on so much. Once I could put it into words and explain it, I was confident that I could defend my desires. If he had a negative reaction, I could at least defend myself.

But if I’m completely honest, the thing that really pushed me was finding some really good daddy porn.

We pooled our finances so there was no way for me to pay for the porn I wanted so badly without him seeing it on the bank statement.

So, I had to bring it out in the open. I had to admit that daddies didn’t just turn me on — they turned me on so much I was willing to put down cold, hard cash to masturbate to them.

Other Types of Daddies

One thing I’ve come to realize since, though, is that not every girl means the same thing when she moans out “daddy” on her way to an orgasm.

Obviously, there are the very literal daddies involved in family roleplay scenarios and taboo porn. They’re the dirty stepdads, or mom’s boyfriend who plays fast and loose with the boundaries, or the father figure who has always been part of your life and is just starting to realize that you’ve blossomed into a very sexy woman.

I’m really into that. But that’s not the kind of daddy I think of when I’m talking about daddy kink.

To me, family roleplay fantasies aren’t hot because they involve a daddy. They’re hot because they’re scenarios saturated with forbidden love.

It’s about being irresistibly drawn to someone — so much so that you’ll fuck them even though you know you’re not supposed to.

That’s why it doesn’t always have to involve a daddy figure. Family roleplay is still really fucking hot when it’s two step siblings falling for each other, or mommy being seduced by her son’s hot friend, or a dirty aunt getting a little inappropriate.

On the other, far more innocent end of the daddy spectrum, you have the people who use it as a term of endearment.

Lots of women call their partners “daddy” the way their boyfriends might call them “baby.” It doesn’t really mean anything — it’s just a sweet little nickname like “honey” or “sugar plum.”

But it’s a lot more than that for me. “Daddy” isn’t just a pet name. It’s a type of person I’m deeply attracted to.

When I call my husband “honey,” it’s just me being sweet (and usually because I want something out of him). When I call him “daddy,” I have something a lot more specific in mind.

And even though it sounds very gendered, it isn’t really for me. The men I find the most attractive fit the bill of being a daddy. But I’m also really into femme daddies and masc women who fit the role.

I also know that my precise daddy kink won’t be quite the same as everyone else’s. My idea of a daddy is influenced by the fact that I’m more of a middle than a little, more of a bratty submissive than a docile one, and not the kind of brat who wants to be tamed. I don’t take kindly to having rules imposed on me, I don’t get turned on my masochism or degradation, and I’m not into any kind of punishment, really.

My version of a daddy is someone who can complement those tendencies. And that means having five very important character traits.

Daddies Are Dominant (Without Being Domineering)

A daddy wouldn’t be a daddy if they weren’t sexually dominant. That’s a big part of the appeal.

But they’re dominant in a very specific way. They don’t dominate by commanding and demanding. Instead, they’re the type of person who can take charge and who is comfortable taking the lead.

When you’re with a daddy, you don’t feel like you’re being told what to do — you feel like you’re with someone who just knows exactly what to do.

That’s really important to me because I can’t be told what to do. I just can’t. The domineering types of doms — the dommy doms and the master doms — they turn me off.

But I also don’t want to have to be the one deciding what happens next or to ask for everything. In part it’s because I’m a people pleaser. I feel bad imposing my preferences and needs on someone else. So the only way I can be sure I have them met is by being with someone who will offer them to me.

It also takes a lot of mental energy that I simply don’t have. I tried taking charge during sex once and I just found it confusing. I was drawing a blank and had trouble deciding what to do next or even what to ask for.

And I want my partner to take what they want because that’s incredibly arousing for me (people pleasers want to please). Daddies are the ones who can do that without making you feel like they’ll push past boundaries or making the play feel like it’s all about them.

Daddies Are Playful

There’s a sweetness and a lightness to a daddy. They’re more loving than stern. They know how to be stern without being overly serious.

They have a good sense of humor and can take your teasing without seeing it as a challenge. They can appreciate a little defiance instead of feeling the need to break it out of you.

The playfulness is there even when things get a little more hardcore. For a long time, I avoided exploring BDSM because it just seemed so damn dark. I found some of the activities appealing but not the kind of attitude that came with them.

Bondage, spanking, and paddling with a daddy never feels that way. Even when my husband calls me a slut or a whore when we fuck, there’s almost a brightness to it. It’s him teasing me for my horniness, for how dirty I’m being, or how much I’m losing control. It’s never punishing me or demeaning me over it.

And really, nothing feels that way. Part of the playfulness a daddy brings to sex is being able to make me feel submissive without actually giving any punishment. Everything they do is about pleasure. Even when Mr. Austin spanks and chokes me, it’s because he knows I love them and they make me feel good.

Daddies Are Giving

You haven’t truly felt like a princess until you’ve been fucked by a daddy.

Daddies aren’t transactional types, at all. They have a very giving attitude and never do it just to get something in return.

That’s important to me because I’m prone to feel guilty about being on the receiving end of pleasure. I’m always keeping a mental tally of everything to make sure I’m not taking more than I’m giving.

With daddies, though, it’s not an issue. They’re natural givers. They give with so much enthusiasm that it never feels like you’re the only one getting something out of it.

Daddies Are Nurturing

Daddies are thoughtful and have a very kind vibe.

They’re emotionally available, good at listening, and highly supportive. And they have a talent for making you feel safe and comfortable.

That takes place outside of the bedroom, but it carries over to the way you have sex with them too. Because they make you feel so secure and reassured, you get to be as exposed, vulnerable, and dirty as you want to be when you’re fucking and submitting.

I also have a praise kink, and daddies are the kind of people who really satisfy that side of me. I need to be pumped up and encouraged. I need positive reinforcement and I need it to feel sincere. Daddies happen to be exceptionally good at that.

Daddies Are Patient

Being bratty is how I show love, so I need to be with someone who can appreciate that.

I often see doms leave exasperated comments in online forums because they found themselves with a brat and they have no idea how to handle it. They can’t stand that they just won’t do what they’re told. The resistance they get frustrates them. They’re looking for ways to make them more docile.

I don’t want to be docile. I want someone who can handle the bratty dynamic without feeling the urge to punish me for it.

That’s why my version of a daddy is someone who is patient. It’s someone who can take the teasing without taking it personally.

Daddies genuinely enjoy the banter and the back-and-forth. They’re not exhausted by being challenged because they know how to appreciate a smartass.

They’re into someone being submissive, but they’re also really into them showing autonomy and a bit of defiance. They find it amusing, endearing, and attractive. They love you for it, not despite it.

Daddies Aren’t for Everyone

Not everyone is cut out to be a daddy. It takes a particular kind of personality, the right sexual and emotional skill sets, and the precise turn-ons that make the whole thing authentic.

You can’t fake being a daddy. You might be able to roleplay for a night, but giving someone that ongoing dynamic takes a lot.

And that’s okay, because daddies definitely aren’t for everyone.

Most of the women who like to call their partners “daddy” might not actually have the right kinks to be turned on by a daddy dom.

And a lot of submissives probably wouldn’t get what they need from a daddy and would be more suited for other types of dominants.

But for some of us, they’re just fucking perfect. We get starry eyed over daddies because we know they would be the perfect complement to our personalities, kinks, and desires.

When a little, a middle, a princess, or a straight up praise whore gets a hold of a daddy, they’ll cling tight and have a hard time letting go. Because there’s nothing sexier to us than someone who is deeply sweet, relentlessly nurturing, and fucks you like he loves you.

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page: https://linktr.ee/EmmaAustin

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

Emma Austin

Written by

I write about sex, love and everything else that matters to me. Links to my podcast, social media, blog, and Patreon page: https://linktr.ee/EmmaAustin

Love, Emma

Articles about sex, love, and relationships by Emma Austin

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