(I originally wrote this a year ago, and decided to re-publish it)
Isn’t love funny.
I think the most interesting thing about love is how surprising it always ends up being. Of the vast and complex array of emotions it’s certainly the one that, to my mind, continually surprises me.
I’m typically not surprised when I’m happy, I’m usually expecting some sadness; I actively seek excitement and well fear.. it comes pretty much as expected. Love however, well love is a strange one. I had always considered grief to be the most complicated emotion we experience till I recently realized that love is the one that we experience them all within.
Love the the epitome of all emotions. I suppose that’s what makes it the most surprising, one of the most interesting, the one we all chase with vigor and determination.
When I was 12 — living a tiny village in Scotland I fell in love with my next door neighbor. I knew I was in love with her because every time we hung out we did something cool. We would drink chocolate milk, play hide and seek, run in the forest, talk to the old lady who lives next to the park. Every day was a new and interesting adventure, and so it was clear to me at the time that I loved her.
My first real love came as a surprise. It was very unexpected. We met on IRC and would talk on the phone, connected originally via a mutual friend. I would stay up all night chatting with her and my heart would race, I was so excited. She was so exciting, this was all so new! I was happy. I made the decision to fly out to her side of the country to spend some time with her.
I vividly recall arriving at the airport, bag in hand, smile on face, lump in throat. It was all very unexpected, I didn’t know what would come next but I accepted that whatever it was had to be right, blinded from logic.
I arrived and she picked me up from the airport, the lump in my throat grew to something that I presumed must look like a visibly massive growth inside my Adam’s apple. My palms started to sweat, heart skipped, eyes dried up and I smiled, excitement!
We spent an amazingly cool 4 days together and then she confessed. Those words like daggers. There’s someone else. Wait what?
Pain. Inexplicable amounts of pain. Betrayal. Tears. Hope. Loss of hope. Sadness. Anger. Grief.
I was 16. Yet that story has rung true for me time and time again in my adult life. It recently occurred to me that the most amazing thing about love is that it’s the most surprising of all the emotions. It pops out of nowhere and takes over, surprising. It becomes surprisingly exciting. Surprisingly interesting. Surprisingly sad.
I am continually surprised by love.