19.03.2014
at home. in bed.
Today is probably the first day of the rest of my life. I was at school for my last exam yesterday (don’t wanna talk about that still) and today I’m just hanging out at home. Not much going on hear.
Still got a gypsum around my leg, thank god they are taking it of tomorrow. First day in three weeks that I am not taking my medication, since there is no thrombosis injection left.
I am so glad this is over! I really hated injecting myself. It was this same cruel procedure every single day: sitting there, looking at my stomach, at the same time seeing the needle like really close to my skin, thinking about the pain it causes every time and seeing all the little dots from the other injections. Some days it actually took me more than five minutes to force that needle through my skin. Clexane 20mg is cruel, hope I will never have to take any medication like that.
Today I discovered this page, medium.com just randomly while surfing the web. I am still trying to figure out what might be the best use for it, but as I am the kind of guy that writes his thought down and basicly doesn’t mind who sees them afterwards, maybe I’m gonna use it for just… well the things that are on my mind.
I am so glad that I won’t be using my crutches any longer from tomorrow on! It is just a pain in the ass to get around with them, go on the bus, lay the dishes, do this do that, climb stairs, make breakfast cook anything.
Walking around with these awkward crutches finally told me a lesson about how glad we all should be that we can walk! I mean, we (or most of us) are just mobile, if we decide to walk somewhere, it is not really difficult to go there, we are free!
Yesterday or the day before that, I don’t actually remember (did this never happen to you before? you are hanging out at home, don’t have many things to do and just lose your track of time, ending up questioning yourself every day what day of the week it is and what the date might be?). Probably it was Monday. I got that awesome CD shipped from the US:
I love it, it gives strength. Maybe I should better be listening to it right now.
I need strength. I feel like I’m getting ill. Thhis slight dizyness all around me, my head suddenly feeling all to heavy. The feeling of failure. The feeling of lazyness, unproductivity. I never thought one could feel so bad and useless laying in bed all day. But what else should I do? I just don’t know. To much time, to little possibilities.
I feel handicapped.
