A rolling stone…

–of sorts– gathers no moss.

AOG, Madrid

Recently, I was sort of head-hunted by an employment agency in Dubai. No job has been offered, no position has been put forward, it was just a formality I suppose. A simple ‘we want you in our books for future reference’.

Fine. No problem. I’m cool with that.

I told a few friends about this, and quickly discovered that, to some of them, the idea of moving to another country was anathema to them.

This went on for a few days and their reaction has made me stop to think and look at my life a little bit. Perhaps even analyse it, or, inasmuch as I can, try to make some sense of it.

Or just find the sign posts along the journey I’ve had, see where I’ve been, and try to continue on my journey.

I live in Madrid but I haven’t always lived there.

And no, I don’t know how long I will live here for.

My plan for 2014 is, was, is, to move to Barcelona.

Eventually.

Sooner, rather than later.

And after Barcelona?

Well, if all goes well, there won’t be an after Barcelona. Unless all goes well, in a different sense, in which case, who knows?

But before I moved to Madrid, I was living in London. And I’ve lived in many places before that.

When I was a child, my family moved around a bit. I lived in three different countries before I was 11, and in several cities.

Then I grew up a bit, and the traveling didn’t stop. Moving home. Moving towns. Moving states. Moving countries. Moving continents.

Since 1988 I’ve managed to stay in Europe. Somehow.

In 2004 I almost moved back to the US, but didn’t. Life surprised me there. And I’m glad it did.

And now, when I endeavour to move to Barcelona, this Dubai thing happened. And I was prepared for it. I didn’t freak out, didn’t dismiss it straight away, didn’t go into meltdown.

The first thought that came to my mind was “Great, I’ll be able to finally learn Arabic!”.

Before you jump the gun, I confess that although it may sound like I’ve always wanted to learn that language, the truth is that I haven’t.

The languages I’ve always wanted to learn (still do) are Russian, Swedish and German.

When I came to Europe, I got acquainted with Portuguese and, given the influx of Italians in my life these past years, Dante’s language.

A couple of years ago I started to learn Chinese. Yes, I admit it, it was a bit of a half-assed attempt at learning.

A place in Madrid known as ‘La Tabacalera’ -famous for doing social work and fighting the system- was imparting Chinese classes for free.

So I started to go there in 2011, back when I was ‘in-between’ jobs at the start of the year. When I stopped –luckily– being ‘in-between’ jobs I had to give up Chinese.

And no, my life does not really allow me a lot of time to continue learning it. But I’d like to. Just as I’d like to learn a ton of other things.

So when the spectre of ‘Dubai’ appeared on the horizon, being able to learn Arabic was a great incentive (aside from the whole ex-pat package in the UAE).

And the second thing I thought? I would be able to visit Iran.

I have always wanted to visit that country but, given their penchant for homophobia, it, and Russia, are not exactly on my top 10 list of places I want to visit this season.

“Man must rise above the Earth — to the top of the atmosphere and beyond — for only thus will he fully understand the world in which he lives.” … Plato

And then I got to thinking. Why am I always moving around? And, do I understand all I’ve seen and lived through?

I don’t know if I do, and I am not sure that any of us ever understands fully the lives we lead.

But I do wonder.

What is it about my life, about my place in the universe, where is it written that I just cannot be in one place for very long? Is that to by my destiny? I don’t much believe in fate, but…

I can understand that when I was a child, my life was in the hands of my progenitors, so what they decided would impact my life.

Now, as an adult, I am more in control of the decision-making process so, in theory, I should be able to decide if I continue to move, or if I just stay in one place, or what.

Except I am not really in control of that anymore than I am in control of the direction the wind blows at any one time.

And such is my life. Now here, now there.

I am not complaining. That is just how it is. And I try to be the reed that bends with the river, and not the stick that breaks when the wind blows.

The Positives

Thanks to this errant ‘quality’ in my existence, I have learned a lot of things. My education has benefited from all this to-ing and fro-ing.

Not just my academic education, my personal education too. And for this I cannot be too grateful.

For better, for worse, for now, what I have seen, done and experienced has made me who I am. All those places I’ve lived in have helped to shape me and shape my mind, my thoughts, ideas, and aspirations.

The Negatives

The only downside to all this, and those who’ve had a similar life to mine will agree only too quickly, is that all of this, all of these things, make me stand out like a sore thumb wherever I go and whatever I do.

And this is not always a positive thing to experience.

I constantly meet people who think it is remarkable that I don’t think like they do. That it is odd, strange, otherwordly even. And often, when I voice some of my views, most people look at me funny. Most of these -though not all- are people who haven’t really traveled much or lived anywhere outside their country. Make that their comfort zone.

We are all conditioned by our surroundings, of course. But that conditioning, unfortunately, deems people reticent to accept, or even consider, views different to their own.

Not long ago I was having a coffee with a couple of colleagues from work. I mentioned that in Germany it was possible for disabled people to get access to sex workers and that the State, or the local authority, would pay for it.

Personally I think it is a great idea. It is, in my mind, one of those things which makes humanity a bit better.

I suggested as much and said that Spain should look into this one day soon.

Both colleagues almost spat out their beverages.

One of them was particularly outraged.

“My taxes are not going to go to pay for someone’s sex life!”

I was looking at him in surprise. I was disappointed to see that someone who prided himself in being so ‘with it’, modern, trendy, educated, and knowledgable, was actually so bigotted when it came down to it. I was surprised at the lack of empathy for another human being. At how empathy draws the line at sex.

I told a friend about this and he said, “that’s probably because none of their children are disabled, or they have no disabled relatives”.

He was probably right. But why the lack of empathy? Do you really need to have a disabled relative to accept that maybe this was a good idea?

The here and now

So I face the future with a smile. A ‘surprise me’ attitude. But, if I’m completely honest, also with a healthhy dose of trepidation, hesitation, and even apprehension.

Is it better to move a lot, or is it better to stay in one place? I really don’t know. I feel grateful for having lived and experienced different cultures, climates, people. But I am also aware of the price I paid for this.

Was it worth it?

Well, I don’t know. I never had a choice.

“The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing”

Is it better to be a fox or a hedgehog?

Can anybody answer that? That which will happen, will happen, and that which will not, won’t. I can’t really plan for every eventuality. I learned long ago that although you may plan for something, draw out a road map, and lay out the most ironclad contingencies, life, the universe, fate, or maybe Russell’s Giant Teapot, will ensure that things won’t turn out quite as you had expected them to.

And isn’t that the cool thing about life? That great unknown quality?