In Sickness & In Health
There comes a time in life when the pain of life makes us forget who we are. It makes us devoid of our emotions, clouds our judgement, and makes us forget who or what we are fighting for. We lose focus of what we were striving for when we started, and most importantly we forget that the journey of healing is as important as its destination.
The team of Love Heals Cancer met a couple going through something similar. The husband Nutan has had Brain Tumour and has been trying to get better for some time now. Standing resolutely alongside his love unwavering in her determination has been his wife. LHC had a beautiful and fruitful three-hour healing circle with the couple and answered all their queries and doubts.
If you notice, sometimes people are more comfortable sharing their intimate problems with total strangers simply because they know they have nothing to fear. After all, who would they tell and even if they did how would it affect them? The ease of communication and the trust the couple placed in LHC helped us in finding out the problem they were facing. They told us about their family problems and the wall of frustration that has been growing between them since Nutan was diagnosed with Cancer. When the two of them opened up, we realised that the effects of the deadly disease and the imminent death threat holding their relationship by a thread had not only deteriorated the quality of their life but also the bond they shared. Taking care of her husband, his medicines, and hospital visits along with looking after their four years old daughter had made Nutan’s wife resentful and forlorn.
This kind of reaction is perfectly natural and happens to all of us. She was angry at God that her husband was suffering and bearing all the household responsibilities alongwith having to see her husband suffering she felt cornered. Consequently, her uneasiness and frustration were getting in between their relationship and hurting their marital life. The patient, of course, was suffering too and his condition was not improving.
As you know, this is why at Love Heals Cancer we always put the caregiver and patient at the same level, and urge everyone to understand the importance of rest and rejuvenation for the caregiver. Seeing your loved one going through the most challenging ordeal of his life is not easy. Add to it the responsibility of taking care of him and everything else along with maintaining your psyche, and you realise how difficult a caregiver’s job is.
Along the line as a caregiver when we lose our cool and calm, we need to take a breath and rest. At this inflexion point, we need to remain focused on why we started on this challenging journey. I know when the one you love might leave you any time it is difficult to stay optimistic. But we have to realise being negative doesn’t accomplish anything either. We have to continually strive to be better and motivate our beloved who is going through the worst time of his life so that he can proceed through his healing journey without distractions or remorse. Just remember that until the environment and the mental status of the individual is not positive and he truly believes he can get better, no medicine or lifestyle change can do anything. After all, it is our body that is fighting with the disease.
However equally important is for the caregivers to take care of themselves. And that is why we have time and again mentioned that healing circles are not only for the patients. In a healing circle, people open up to discuss their problems and get advice from their fellow brother and sisters who are or were going through the same thing. It gives the members of a healing circle pure joy to let everything out and indulge in a healthy discussion. This is something caregivers can utilise to take care of themselves for when they are physically and mentally healthy only then can they take care of the patient.
We need to understand that it is not only the duty of the patient to get better and the caregiver to take care of him. It is a symbiotic relation just like a marriage where two individuals depend on each other for the joy and happiness of their lives. Hence sometimes the role might be reversed where the patient might need to give the caregiver moral support, and the caregiver has to take rest to rejuvenate. After all, it is “in sickness and in health” for both husband and wife.
Nutan and his wife realised after talking to LHC and after introspection that they had become lost in their approach towards healing and they started to rectify that. They met us two times again after that, and now it seems that the happiness has returned to their doorstep. It has still not crossed the threshold, but there has been a start which will inevitably lead to a beautiful end. For them, the healing circle acted more like a couples therapy session, and an unprecedented yet beautiful story was formed in that session of ours.
Who knows what the next one has in store for us? Keep reading to find out and of course be healthy and spread the love.
