Should You Invest in Him?
My fellow psychologist, Kresna Astari, told me that I shouldn’t invest in a man unless he’s done something significantly useful for my life. And I couldn’t be more agree with her.
So I told Kresna about a guy that I really like but he won’t fight that hard for us. Although I know that letting him go would be the best decision, it took more time for me and him to completely loose contact. And what’s bother me is that although I didn’t give him anything anymore, I still spent my time and energy to discuss about our relationship e.g to Kresna. I discussed whether I make the wrong decision, should I keep contact because maybe it’s still too early for us to decide anything, and it might work in the future, etc, etc, etc.
And then I know where I go wrong.
I subconsciously refuse to move on from him because I put his words and romantic actions into considerations. What makes it difficult is because all of those nice things he said is actually HONEST.
But even if his love is true, in the end you can not trade feelings and words with USD. It has low value of currency. Sweet words is sweet but so does cookies. Once you swallowed it, it will become fart. It’s doesn’t have a long term benefit.
The main principal is that LOVE IS BUSINESS.
The key of business is not profit, but sustainability. Profit is important aspect, because of course if there’s no profit then the company couldn’t sustain. But profit alone wouldn’t make a company sustain.
Here are behavior examples that differentiate between what is useful and what is not.
Useful
- A guy who help you in finishing your thesis and his support contribute you to get your degree.
- A guy who introduce you to someone that he knows could get you a good job.
- A guy who commit to marry you and take responsibility to provide you (obviously).
- I’m not suggesting you to date one, but a married man who support you financially and give you house and apartment is still considered as useful. He might not the ideal partner, but even if you got your heart broken, you still have the apartment.
It’s sweet but it doesn’t have long term benefit
- A guy who treat you expensive dinner. Expensive dinner is nice, but you need more than one meal to live a long life. A dinner date is a profit. It should be appreciated, but you can not hold on to that event as a decision factor for his worthiness.
- A guy who text and call you everyday. It does mean that he likes you, but you can not trade his feeling for any currency or career upgrade. Action is louder than words.
- He likes your picture in instagram (geez girls)
It’s not that you should cut guys who haven’t done a useful thing for you, because he might not there yet. The point is, before he do something useful for your life, you better save your energy for something more useful in your life.
Then Kresna put a case into discussion. She said about her friend who date a guy that has done many useful things for her. Her friend has invested in him, but it turns out that he thinks that he couldn’t move forward. Based on that case, Kresna thought that apparently a guy still could runaway after doing useful things. Kresna thought that maybe her opinion could be wrong.
It is not.
The point of Kresna’s theory about what kind of men that worth women’s time is about to ensure that your investment worth it, not to ensure that he will be yours forever. You might invest your time for a guy that unfortunately not ended up with you. But if he has done something useful for your life, even if he’s gone, you don’t lost the investment benefit. If he support you to graduate, you still get your degree no matter your status are.
And women, that is how you make a good investment in love.
