Women Behave Irrationally because of Their Rationality
I made an appointment with my female friend, Kresna. I haven’t seen Kresna for a while. Then she cancelled because something came up.
I told her “OK let’s reschedule”. This is her response.
“Aren’t you miss me? :( “
If we put logic in that situation, there’s no logic that could legitimate her concern. I am being understanding if she got something urgent to do, but she expected me to feel bad because she canceled. Although she’s the one who couldn’t make it, the blame is still on me for not being the sad one. We do this to each other too, don’t worry. This kind of event can be confusing to men (and to fellow women too!), and there’s a perception that women are more irrational than men.
I believe that both men and women are irrational. In fact most of human’s decision, including business decision, are irrational.
Yes we could go with the existential question like “What is actually irrationality?”, but not right now, not in this post.
Those belief led to men’s frustation about the best way to understand us. I discussed with my friend Kresna Astari about our irrationality, because I also find it more difficult to dealing with women’s emotion. It’s harder to resolve conflicts with women whether it’s for interpersonal or work matters.
It’s harder to understand us not because we are irrational, but because we can have problem to say our real expectations assertively. Sometimes we know that we have irrational thoughts, and since we know that it’s irrational, we couldn’t tell others our real concerns or expectations because we’re ashamed of it. And yet we expect people to read our mind and understand us while all we will give to you are hints.
Hints!
Women like to give hints about how we feel or what kind of behaviors we expect from others. That women hints are almost impossible to read.
And when people couldn’t read the hints, well prepare for any level of emotional turbulance or silent treatment. Yikes!
Men expect us to tell them verbally and literally about what we really want from them. It’s not that easy guys! We have pride too!
Especially when it comes to romantic relationship.
Romantic relationships are an arena where emotions run wild, as do misunderstandings of emotions and attendant accusations of irrationality (Jenna Baddeley on Psychology Today).
Human mind have tendency to exaggerate things when it comes to people we love. And for women this could lead to more emotional behaviors, as if we don’t have logical reason behind those behaviors.
But actually we do.
Let’s put it into example.
Let’s just say that I expect my boyfriend to call me 4 times a day. But I know that 4 times a day is too much, especially if we already see each other everyday and I know that he’s busy at office to if he doesn’t call 4 times a day, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. Despite the ridiculousness of the request, if a man love you he actually can meet this demand IF I really say what I want. If I say that I expect him to call me 4 times a day, he would know his KPI and he might try a way to meet this demand or negotiate to meet halfway. Problem could be averted.
But that’s not always the case. I know logically that asking him to call me 4 times a day is ridiculous, and I don’t want to appear as a naggy girlfriend. So I hope that he would want the same things, then I could say that it’s not my demand. But you know, he doesn’t think that calling me 4 times a day is actually necessary. He might willing to do it, but because I request it. But if I request it, then I have to admit that I am kind of needy.
So rather than saying the real reason, I just give him hints. The killer hints!
It’s like a survey with right or wrong answers, while men thinks that the survey expect honest answers from the respondent.
You wish!
It could go with something like “How are you?”
And we expect something like “I am miserable because I miss you.”
And he answered “Fine”. Wrong answer. Here’s a silent treatment for you. LOL!
It would be better if you could somehow give the right answer for these hints.
But actually we don’t just expect men to read and answer the hints correctly.
We wish you to have the same need. If you state/have the same irrational expectations as ours, then it would give us a sense that “OK we’re not irrational because he wants the same thing, he also has a need to call me 4 times a day. Apparently it’s normal”.
And it makes us less lonely in this world (I exaggerate that one).
So our mind is not that complicated but the way we address what’s on our mind can be complicated.
OK so what should you do when you encounter this situation?
Men likes to find solution. Practical one. And it wouldn’t work.
If you respond incorrectly to those hints, the best way to handle it is by giving times until she become less emotional. Because the more you try to explain yourself, the angrier she will be.
Or maybe you want to follow my uncle advice who finally figure it out how to deal with my aunt’s hints.
“Just say that you’re sorry.”
