DEAR AGNES……………# 9
Tue, Apr 2 at 4:52 AM
I am lost. You can’t see it on my face. I keep it to myself.
I feel like such a fool. I have no right. I never thought I could feel like this again. But just look at the circumstances. No, on 2nd thought, forget all that.
Even though I have no right, I just wanted you to know, fuck it , I love you. I’m breaking all the rules such as don’t beg or if it wasn’t meant to be…blaaa blaa blaa . I love you too much to ever be able to think like that. Of course now, it’s from afar, but can I at least have that?
My clock says 4:44 AM as the tears rolling down my face. 444 suggests that you’re on the path toward twin flame union. I pray for that, for us .
We were having so much fun. We can have it again , and maybe more ? But only if you want that too .
I didn’t know I was falling in love, but I should have seen it coming. I never fought it. How I delighted each time I heard from you and how I hung on your every word and laughed at all of your jokes. my mood was in heaven .
How when we said goodbye, I kept watching the clock for a sign that you might call again the next day .
Two weeks ago, we played a little bit, just like old times. Can we do that again ? It felt so good . A wonderful sad reminder of what we once shared .
I miss you so, I truly ache inside every second that I’m awake. If you only knew, if you only knew..
I have been trying to figure out why I have a short fuse, especially so with a person that I have strong feelings for.. Long story short, it’s a small window of tolerance based on extreme trauma. If someone experiences internal or external stressors that cause you to move beyond and outside of it — you may find yourself existing in either a hyper-aroused state. Hyperarousal is an emotional state characterized by high energy, anger, panic, irritability, anxiety, hypervigilance, overwhelm, chaos, fight-or-flight instincts, and startle response (to name just a few characteristics).
Emotion outside of my window of tolerance puts me in full combat mode. I don’t even realize that my thinking is wrong. Moreover, I’m not even aware that I have temporarily lost my mind until my reality kicks back in much later.
My mind did a flip because of what you were saying to me it “felt” like someone that I loved, was taking me from the penthouse and putting me down in the basement. The hurt was unbearable.
Identifying the problem is huge when it comes to finding a solution . Now that I know about this window of tolerance, I can recognize it and I can try to expand that window, and deal with it.
The yesterday I long for is everything before Febuary with us.I will do everything I can to have “Yesterday Once More”. Please allow your hurt to subside, and want the same things I do too.
