December 31, 2017

Dear love,

I see how unbelievably frustrating it is to feel like your lover doesn’t care what you have to say or doesn’t want to listen. I justify it by thinking your stories are too long for my taste, that the point isn’t made until you’ve covered every single relevant and non-relevant detail, and that you ought to accommodate my preference. I know now I sometimes I’m just not in the mood to listen to you, nor to anyone, and by sitting through despite my disinterest, I hurt you.

I would normally be nervous for tonight. Anxious a fight would break out with a stranger, on edge someone would be mean to you. I admire that you stand up for yourself so heavily; it is what I have always struggled with. What I do not understand is why these altercations arise as frequently as they do. Someone is always there to be a dick. Sometimes, I am proud of how I bow my head or silently smile, knowing I win watching the other person lose control.

You’re an Irish man. You’re lively and livid. You defend your honor until death and, as your darling, I’m defended by your same token of pride. I’m working on being less embarrassed. I’m working on letting you be you. I’m working on working through the incredible amount of distress it puts me through. I’m working on communicating my feelings more accurately and lovingly to cease distress I cause you.

May love keep you safe,
Your highly sensitive lover