The Danger of Desire

Fire and Air

“…desire is rooted in absence or longing.” — Esther Perel

One of the first takeaways that hit me when watching Ms. Perel’s TED Talk was the simple phrase “Fire needs air; desire needs space.” It is such a poignantly true statement, and it is unfortunate, because while Absence…

Who Pays the Bill?

One more fascinating perspective that came out of the relationship conference that I attended a couple of weeks ago. This one has to do with “triggers” — a word that has been creeping into the vocabulary of many relationship counselors and communication styles over the past few years.

The Sword, the Frog, the Diaper, and the Corps

It was a small congregation of Mormons in, I believe, Lake Mills. I was wearing my monkey best suit, white shirt, and tie, looking far more wholesome than perhaps my seventeen years warranted. As I looked out over the shining Sunday faces in the…

Stove or Football?

I’ve come back from two back-to-back relationship conferences with a full head. These were the best kinds of events, where I both taught the things I know and also was challenged with some ideas that I hadn’t come across before. In some cases I had come across them before, but because of the…

The Uncomfortable Twist, Part 3

In which our riveting tale of conflicting human desires comes to a climactic denouement.*

In part one of this series, we talked about the wonderful ability people have to identify patterns and make use of them. In fact, we’re so good at this that…

Keith’s Reset

Sometimes I find myself thinking “Damn, I kinda wish Gray wasn’t doing so well…” — Keith, 3/10/13

Let me take you back a few years. I was handling a particularly bad breakup, well, badly. Newly divorced, a couple of my kids having decided to go live with their mother, my oldest…

Gritty Scary Love

Of all the myths I’d love to dispel about love, it’s the idea that love is pretty.

[caption id=”attachment_1215" align=”alignright” width=”300"]

See what I mean? Click on the image for the full effect.[/caption]

Invalidate Yourself

Hello from Fever-ville!

This post is coming to you from the recuperative (I hope) chair where I’ve been fighting a flu that’s been going around my house. I say “hope” because the fact is, I’m a pretty lousy patient.

The Uncomfortable Twist, Part 2

Lies, damn lies, and statistics. — Mark Twain

Never tell me the odds! — Han Solo

I was fortunate enough to have a father who introduced me early on to the wonders of British comedy, especially Monty Python. There’s a…