Loving from a Distance A.K.A Cutting Them Off
Is self love and it isn’t selfish, mean or rude, it only leads to peaceful and better mental health.
Do you know those people who you truly love but whenever you’re around them it’s like you aren’t at peace, you feel a negative vibes or they just bring the worst in you. For the sake of our mental health, those are people we cut off & love from a distance since we can’t change someone or unknow someone after we have known them, and this can be friends or even family members.
Cutting people off is staying away from them and loving them from a distance. Because hating them even if they wronged you, won’t help most especially if they are people who you can’t avoid like family. I personally believe hatred is associated with unforgiveness or holding grudges which is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person, this is why it’s better to forgive, love them from a distance and cut off our closeness.
There’s a video on tiktok where a lady in a panel asks “how much disrespect can I take before I cut off a friend or a family member?” And a man responding “how much poison can you take until you die?”
It’s okay to cut toxic family members from your life because blood maybe thicker than water but blood isn’t thicker than your peace of mind — Radhika Bose.
There are several reasons why people are cut off such as; betrayal, manipulation, excessive negativity, growing apart, self prioritisation, self protection against abuse be it physical or verbal. In which it leads to benefits such as peace of mind, good mental health, self-respect, self-love, healing, making room for loving and healthy relationships.
You can’t control the wind but you can control your sails meaning it’s not about what happens to you in life but how you react to it. In this case you can’t control how other people talk to or about you, but you can only control how you react to it.
When a snake bites you, you don’t go back explaining to it why it shouldn’t have done that or why you didn’t deserve it. You go get yourself to the hospital to heal.
Sadly the healing process may take a long time because cutting people off is not easy and can be a painful process even to the one doing the cutting because letting go of someone you loved or cared about is not easy.
“Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about someone anymore, it’s just realising the only person you really have control over is yourself.” — Deborah Reber
How To Love From A Distance
- Pray for the situation & the person; Ask God to change your attitude towards what bothers you about them. Ask God to help you love them as He does and also understand them.
- Keep your distance; you can love someone and not want to be besties with them which is okay, greet them nicely when you see them, you don’t have to make stories with them especially if you know their energy can drain you.
- Set Boundaries; boundaries are guidelines that YOU create to show others how to treat you and what’s okay to you and what’s not okay to you.
- Get Busy; because healing can be hard and you might miss them keep yourself busy to avoid going back to those who hurt, manipulate or abuse you. When they try too come back to you try hard to resist because no closure can come from them, it comes from within. If they disturb you, not respect your boundaries you can stay away from them completely and even block them.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. — Maya Angelou
5. Don’t gossip about them; take the high road, be classy, graceful and don’t talk badly about them even if they did you wrong but you should also know there are higher chances of them talking badly about you whe you cut them off because the want to make you look like the bad person, or that you have changed.
Most people who get cut off like to victimise themselves and to make you feel bad for the decision you’ve made but don’t let them.
If you know in your heart & soul that know you are not a rude, mean or unkind person or that you would never consciously hurt anyone’s feelings, Never stop standing up for yourself, your right to be treated respectfully and drawing your own boundaries.
Cutting people off doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. NOT EVERYONE IS MEANT TO STAY!
With Love,
Sandrahope M.
