What Is True Intimacy?
Experiencing True Intimacy In Your Marriage.
Intimacy is a feeling of closeness and emotional connection. Intimacy is one of the key ingredients to a long lasting, happy, strong founded and healthy relationship. Intimacy is a high level of openness & vulnerability you can share with someone that can lead to an unbreakable bond.
Intimacy is what makes lovers soulmates. Having intimacy with the person you love can be the most rewarding thing in a relationship.
From a very insightful book “The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women” by Dr Gary & Barbara Roseberg. The authors say women spell intimacy as T-A-L-K while men spell intimacy as S-E-X. And Intimacy is the second love need for both men and women right after unconditional love.
Intimacy requires time, effort and patience to be created and to be maintained because when not maintained a relationship can go through very dry seasons. Low or no maintenance of intimacy can be caused by different reasons such as child care/birth, parental responsibilities, being too busy to connect or stressors like work pressure, financial worries and other concerns & responsibilities.
No matter the reason for lack of intimacy, no intimacy in a relationship can cause terrible relationship-threatening consequences such as;
- Rejection; when someone feels rejected when craving or asking for intimacy they tend to isolate themselves making the relationship not of togetherness but of two lonely people only in a relationship by words.
- Low self esteem; feeling like your patner is no longer attracted to you which can bring up and magnify insecurities.
- Resentment; lack of intimacy leads to endless conflicts, frustrations, bottled up feelings that can make someone be extremely angry for the smallest things.
- Infidelity; because everyone has needs and longs for intimacy sometimes if they don’t get the intimacy they crave for they can go looking for it elsewhere. Note that infidelity isn’t always physical people can cheat emotionally too.
For example when a woman doesn’t feel understood/adored she becomes easily vulnerable to other men who show even the slightest interest in her thoughts & emotions and same is true for a man when their intimacy need is not met they also become vulnerable and lustful towards other women and pornography. I am not saying that when your marriage lacks intimacy then it’s okay to cheat on your partner or blame your partner for the consequences, all I am saying it does leave the door wide open for it to happen.
Note: You are responsible for your own moral decisions.
If you both don’t value your marriage then you won’t care about what lack of intimacy can do to your marriage and you will end up having anniversaries but not an actual good & healthy marriage that God intended for you.
Intimacy is vital for a marriage to run smoothly. Just like your device can’t get internet without data connection. A relationship can’t get healthy and strong without intimacy. Or to make it easier for guys to understand it’s just like how limited it is your game console to work without a controller.
Intimacy is a two way street as in when a woman doesn’t get the T-A-L-K she starts seeing sex as a chore and when a man doesn’t get the S-E-X its harder for him to feel connected with his wife to make the communication line open with her.
Intimacy in a relationship is interdependent. Most women respond physically when their emotional needs are met while most men respond emotionally when their physical needs are met.
You can meet your husband’s intimacy needs by:
✅ Reviewing the sexual aspect of your marriage and there’s no better place to begin other than talking to God honestly about the issue. You might be surprised what might be revealed to you, perhaps you were doing it to manipulate your husband or only when you need something, this will help you know where you need to change and therefore make the experience enjoyable.
✅ Cleansing Your heart of any pain; because having unresolved pain will make it extremely difficult to open your heart and body to your husband.
✅ Learn What Satisfies Your Husband; observe, ask him about his wants, likes, desires and what pleases your husband sexually.
✅ Commit yourself to meet those needs; spice up your romance, flirt and play with your husband.
“A fulfilled and vibrant sexual relationship is part of God’s plan for a great marriage”, “Meet your husband not halfway but all the way” — Dr Gary Roseberg.
You can meet your wife’s intimacy needs by:
✅ Listening to her; by giving her undivided attention when she’s talking, listen to understand and not to fix her problems most of the time women just want to be heard and take out what’s bothering them.
✅ Understanding her heart; even in the smallest things don’t be judgemental by words or attitude. You can pray with and for her so as you can understand her more. When she shares her interests, fears, desires, what hurts her try your best to understand where it’s all coming from in her emotions.
✅ Giving her attention & affection; kiss, hugs, flowers, make an effort to spend time together, show her affection in public too, surprise her with dates & picnics.
✅ Resolving conflicts; unresolved conflicts lead to distance between spouses because of anger, bitterness and grudges. But when conflicts are resolved it’s easier to connect emotionally.
✅ Safeguarding your relationship; don’t encourage flirting, physical touch, intimate talks, flattery with other women cause it doesn’t matter how innocent they are, when your wife notices that it will hurt and break her heart and such actions can easily lead into unintended consequential places. If your wife is warning you about a specific woman believe her because she knows how easy for a man to capture another woman’s heart without him even realising it.
“If a man wants great sex with his wife behind the bedroom door, he needs to work on the way relates to her outside those doors.” — Barbara Roseberg.
As a couple also make an effort to create opportunities for intimacy; make time for each other alone away from the kids and other responsibilities to focus on your relationship and deeply understand each of your intimacy needs.
When you meet your spouse’s need for intimacy, you are a step closer into building a safety net against temptations.
It’s never too late for the both of you to bring intimacy alive in your marriage.
With Love,
Sandrahope M.
Reference:
“The 5 Love Needs of Men & Women” by Dr Gary & Barbara Roseberg.
