Get Your Hands Dirty….Make Your Marriage Work.

We have a tendency to look at others who are successful in an area of life and conclude that they were lucky.

It’s a psychological gimmick that helps us shift our responsibilities by blaming something else for our failure, something outside our control.

You see someone who is young but keeps rising in their career and you think, Oh, they know someone. They are sleeping with the boss.

Oh, it’s the family they were born into. It’s the people they are connected to. And so on.

You see a friend who has had a happier marriage than you and quickly assume that it is because they married the right guy or girl. Meaning, they didn’t work for it. They were just lucky with who they ended up with.

As much as those things can be true and definitely contributes to one’s chances of success (e.g. being born into a wealthy family greatly improves your chances for financial success). Does that mean it is impossible to be successful without those factors we can’t control? Are we completely hopeless and can only be successful by some random selection?

So we’re just going to give up?

God forbid.

For every one born into wealth, you will find those who built theirs from nothing. There is a reason why we have both old money and new money. And if you think about it, old money was once new money. Someone worked hard from zero to build what others are now enjoying.

For every person scheming and sleeping with the boss for career favors, you will find those who have risen by continuously adding value and making themselves indispensable to their organisation.

Yes it is true that being careful about who you marry and picking the right person greatly improves your chances of not ending in a divorce.

It is true that being married to a wonderful person makes things easier but trust me, there is no human being who is perfect, not one.

Your friend’s husband/wife is not as perfect as you think. Besides, you don’t live with them to see their weaknesses so quit thinking they have someone better than you do.

Assuming that they have a happy marriage because they are lucky is not only ignorant but also belittles the hard work those people are probably putting into their marriages.

You weren’t there when they said sorry when it was the hardest thing they could have done. You weren’t there when they decided to forgive their spouse for a betrayal that could have easily broken up their marriage.

You don’t know how hard they’ve worked on their communication skills, emotional intelligence and ability to express themselves without hurting their spouse.

You don’t know how many times they read, meditate and confess 1st Corinthians 13:4–8 just to make sure they continuously maintain a love mindset.

Now that you are married or if you intend to be, to increase your chances of success your focus should be on the following things:

• Being the right person through continuous improvement rather than trying to force change in your significant other.
• Working hard to confront and tackle your emotional issues and baggage based on your past experiences and family background.
• Getting your hands dirty by learning all you can about how to walk in love, how to keep being a loving person even in the hardest times and how to love someone you feel doesn’t even deserve it.
• Learning all you can about communicating effectively by reading books, articles and getting counselling about effective communication that is laced with grace. (read Collosians 4:6)
• Finding mentors who have successful marriages and learning directly from them.
• Praying and reading 1st Corinthians 13:4–8 habitually (it really really works, i tell you).

Marriage is hard but if you are determined and focused, it can be the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to you.

Let’s get down to work and reduce the number of divorces in the world. It starts with you and I.

Let’s Make It Work.