5 pre-relationship eliminators
On the dating scene? Here are 5 things you can scan for and check off to save yourself time before you get too “into” someone.
Considering that how we do one thing is how we do everything, for the most part…
- Eating and lifestyle habits.
Is the person constantly eating out instead of cooking at home? Are there more pics or mentions of beer than green smoothies? Boxes of ramen and mac and cheese in the cupboard that have maxed their sell-by date? Or no food at all?
Is his/her timeline full of drunken photos at 1am but you don’t see or hear about the person exercising, traveling, reading and relaxing?
Maybe you answered a confident and resounding YES! to all these questions. And maybe you share the same interests. You may have found an amazing match. People do all or some or none of these things and it doesn’t make them bad people. It’s not so black-and-white.
If, however, you’ve reached the age or maturity level where you realize most habits work against you when they are the norm but can be fun when they are the exception, find a person who shares that same balance. Someone who is doing more of what you do like and less of what you don’t.
2. Time management.
Very, very few people have an accurate concept of time. Even fewer feel able to master what they have taken on and how to deliver with the same amount of hours Beyonce has each day (she has the same amount — 24). Look what that woman does with it.
Does the person constantly seem overwhelmed, overburdened or maxed out? A victim of his/her own calendar, like it’s a ball and chain wrapped around an ankle? Do they find time to party but seem to have no time to cook, clean and go to therapy appointments?
Consider this person prioritizes exactly what matters — which may or may not be the way you will want them prioritizing farther down the line for you, the kids you might have or the eleventy-billion adventures you want to have!
See what they sort and how and think about it.
3. Complaint is the constant.
Yes. We all have complex lives full of emotions, issues, parents, crises, health concerns, etc. etc. etc.
A massive percentage of people talk about life in negative terms or complain about it like each complaint will reduce the pain of the thing. Life never stops being annoying because it’s testing our resolve and capacity as humans (IMHO).
Is the person complaining or troubleshooting? Is it a pity party of 1 or a confession of self-awareness with an intention to change? Are they constantly criticizing politics, the weather, the behavior of random strangers?
If misery loves company, you will have no shortage of it. #housepartyoftheworstkind
4. Response time to communication.
We have all morphed into bots clinging to technology like Kenny and his Woobie in Mr. Mom, and I accept that.
Given that has become our new cultural norm, you want to use the phone to your advantage. You’re staring at or leaving it with arm’s reach on a daily basis and unless your person(s) is sleeping or underground in a cave, you know they are doing the same thing. Really pay attention to how this person uses it when engaging with you. Do they treat your communication as important? Do they leave hours or days between messages? When they follow up or disappear, do they explain why?
Read between the pixelated lines, my friends.
5. Positive Pollyanna platitudes.
Pollyanna was one tough young woman. She overcame a lot of adversity and still had a smile on her face, always trying to see and share the silver linings in life. Until she had a major accident and then she was like, “f%&^ this”.
Pollyanna was even COOLER after her accident, after she went through soul-crushing despair and eventually came to grips with her grief and pain AND the positive impact she had on so many people.
Someone sharing positive platitudes without the white-knuckle truths of life is probably avoiding some deep, dark pain themselves or lying to you about it. That won’t end up working well for that person or for you. Trust me on this. I’ve dated this person (a few times) and my clients are sometimes married to this person. Or they ARE this person, until they give up the Pollyanna platitudes and really take life ON.
It’s called emotional maturity, folks. And if you want a relationship that will last and be filled with the safety, security and respect you crave, you want to achieve this for yourself and seek out someone who is working toward it.
Unless you don’t want that — in which case, this article of is no use to you.
