Here we go again

Its that time of day again, that time of week again and that time of month again. It is that time when I am all clammed in my own seat, no where to go and no way to behave. It is that insanity striking my bones again, tangling every joint and eliminating any reason to breathe. It is when everything changes for it to become solemnly belonging to a single person. How does it happen? I can never tell. It is just a the way of behaving and a way of destroying a realm of peace that we are used to. How does this incorporate behind shades of lost souls and how does it tamper within my inner awakened disruption, I can never tell. Its something about her that imprisons me in the most elegant and beautiful and yet tempting way. I foretell how my end will be and how I will fall shattered and bashed to the ground, yet I long for that moment and I long for that entity of myself losing control of its sanity. Its like wanting a slow and agonizing death and yet craving it with absolute content that would just tear the flesh inside out and into my soul bleed powerful poisonous integrity. I desperately linger in the shadows of an embarking and yet disowning perpetual reality. I feel lost and impatient, the cold shakes the insides of me like a hardcore dancing party and yet I feel afraid, sickened and tainted. Those huge scary eyes and that filthy skin, that massacre and that devotion, all of that lies within a single and honest facial expression. Yet, we fall from behind, we fall hard and we fall below. We hold behind our hidden eyes what should be on the outside and what should be visible for the entire world out there. How did we fall unnoticed behind those bards of truths and reality? Can anyone explain those imprisonment cells and how do we fall free behind acres of land? Is it our true reality to fall cowardly behind our own thoughts, afraid to speak out and afraid to conquer what should be ours from the start. We thrive towards what we believe is attainable to our eyes and yet isn’t for our souls. We lie behind what we perceive and yet forget about what has been in front of our eyes the entire time. We mislead our destiny and we mislead our reality, we create a virtual world that only satisfies our eyes and hence we misinterpret every action presented in front of us. It is fear that has been leading the way and it is what life is all about.

All that I am sure of is that I have been seduced without even seduced. I was torn apart by my own mind, the same mind that is now writing this entire thing. It has been my enemy all along, because I have let fear take part of everything that I have believed in, it has shaken my entire knowledge of things, and left me without any and without any self confidence. I have failed to look in the eye, the person that I have devoted myself to without even knowing that I have. I have devoted myself to an absolute stranger who is right now unaware of any feeling or whatsoever that I hold within my ribs. I feel a huge back pain and a heavy heart along with a tormented mind between reality and what has been foreseen behind my eyes as reality. I left all wisdom and departed this land to a place where no one resides but my own thoughts, fear and illusions. I have failed to achieve what I needed to achieve and I have failed to attain all that has been needed for a continuum of my own. Boots, heels and vigorous eyes are what scared me the most, that green jacket and that unholy smile. Where has everything led to? I have made the most awkward and most annoying relation between myself and my own self and yet The main different between myself and my own self, is that the former is my mind and the later is my entire perpetual thoughts.