The difference between Soul Mates and Twin Flames

I am a spiritual teacher and guide. Many have come to me, in excitement, telling me that they have found their “twin flame.” Uh Oh, I think to myself. If this is true, you are in for more trouble than you know on the outside, but if you meet this relationship in a new way, see clearly what’s before you as a mirror to you, you are approaching incredible inner awakenings— YOU are on the fast track for spiritual growth.

You see, the difference between soul mates and twin flames is this: Soul mates are anyone we have contracted to meet in our lives to challenge us for growth, whether it be family, friends, co-workers, or acquaintances who set us off: Those who present us with obstacles. And obstacles are always gifts for growth, opportunities to do things a new way.

For instance, we all know of the mother who doesn’t really want her son to leave the house and resents the wife he marries. She will hang onto him directly and/or indirectly, speaking her mind in ugly ways, against him or his wife, or behind his back, digging at him or his new family as not being good enough for her little boy. This man chose this mother in order to learn how to be independent, strong, to live life his way even at the risk of losing contact with his mother and to not be caught in the middle, to live in freedom, no matter what the cost. As soul, freedom is what this man came to learn and he needed to be challenged in order to learn this.

On the other hand, when we meet a twin flame, which is also a soul mate fired up, the relationship is always tumultuous. For instance, we all know the story of the woman who marries one abusive man after another. Likely she was abused as a child, as she also chose her parents. She chose this family as part of a soul contract so that she may learn to say “No!” to a list of things: those who want to control her, those who put a hand on her in inappropriate ways, those who cross boundaries with her, those who want to break her spirit. When and if she learns from this pattern she will come out the other side learning how to say “yes” to herself, to live the life she wants on her own terms, how to be independent, to find love in herself first instead of looking for it in others. She will develop healthy boundaries, will become empowered, and more. She will likely develop deep compassion for others who are in pain and may feel an urge to serve. This may take more than one challenge with more than one man, but this is how we learn and grow and this is one of the reasons we come into a body, so as to forget the contracts we made and to make mistakes in order to face our challenges in a new way.

Twin flames hurry up our growth if we meet our challenges. If we stay in an abusive situation, we learn nothing. We accept victimhood and stay stuck. There is nothing to be learned by staying in victimhood. If something jolts us out of victimhood, such as a rageful man pulling a gun out for the first time, we will hop into another twin flame relationship, having learned nothing from the previous.

Remember, you signed up for the fast track. You are a brave and mighty soul for having done this. You are not here to be in victimhood — which is a choice. An ego choice. The first sign of abuse if a sign of lasting abuse — always. It is time to move on. This is just one way to say “yes” to yourself, and learn to meet a twin flame challenge in a new way. The next relationship you find yourself in will be better. How much better, I don’t know. But once you say “yes” to yourself is monumental as you know you can do it again.

For those who find themselves in twin flame relationships, please take time in between to take care of yourselves, by yourselves. Ponder your part in this relationship and realize that it absolutely was not all about him. It always takes two. This will give you a much better start for your next relationship.

Those of you who find themselves in twin flame relationships have chosen tumultuous lives. Lives of heartbreak and hardship. Please meet your challenges head-on so that you may learn and grow into your brightest selves that you were meant to be. With the most compassion hearts on the planet, with a yearn to serve others. You are the ones who typically grow into a conscious spiritual life and have many awakenings which lead you to your life path. It IS worth it. It will all be forgiven and forgotten.

Note: I have given two examples, using two different sexes, but these are absolutely interchangeable.

Until next time — take care of yourself and keep facing those challenges.

Have fun!

Julie Calvey