The State of Love — An Introduction
I remember the first version of my parents falling in love story the least. I remember it least because it was probably the most inaccurate, or perchance I’ve annotated the narrative with so many more details over the years the whole thing has manifested into this bristled timeline of events and occurrences that somehow lead to their creation of me. I remember it least because it’s difficult to think about our parents flailing around in young love the same way we are. Our parents were always our parents and we never knew a time before they were.
As I grew into the age of love and lovemaking I only had their story to reference and imitate. The girls were often seeking the unsurpassable love saturated in their favorite films — The Notebook comes to mind. In a young and naive state (not that I’m beyond that now) I sought to copy and blend these examples placed before me but was unsure of what it meant to have the “perfect moment.” It’s not “the perfect moment” to lose your virginity on prom night. It’s cliché.
So much of my young forays into love were experiments that slowly eroded away the fantasies I’d been brought up with. It was my first time being so exposed to someone and sharing outside of my family circle the dreams and ambitions I thought to pursue. That part was easy, once I began to formulate my own voice. But how to support another, and how to craft an intimacy that can withstand conflicting interests; the ability to make a sacrifice for your partner and have faith they will do the same for you when the time comes. That must require complete insanity or incredible trust, maybe a bit of both.
In this spirit of complete insanity I packed my things, left my apartment and set out for the east coast to meet a close high school friend of mine in St. Augustine, Florida. He was moving back to New York City and we decided to take a road-trip, staying with friends of his, and drift up the coast. For me, however, they were complete strangers letting another complete stranger stay in their home. I thought it insane for people to open their doors for me on my friends vouching alone, even so the hospitality we received was akin to visiting your grandparents for a weekend.
My first testament to the state of love is that it is still, very much, alive and well in our cultures despite the headlines, shootings, economies, and betrayals plaguing us in present times. Over this journey I spoke with people, all strangers to me, about the state of love in their lives and over the next couple weeks will publish the states of love I encountered.
We’ll begin in Florida where a late night roundtable revealed more about my own state of love than I intended. A three-hour discussion with three strangers on the streets of Durham, North Carolina involved brotherly love and the expression of love in friendships of all levels. Virginia is for lovers — a statement fully sanctioned by the state as they proclaim it from their welcome sign at the state border to the license plates on their cars. In no way did the couple we meet there cause me to doubt the states proclamation. New York City, our final stop in this trek, gave a fascinating window into one way the city is spearheading a movement to re-introduce love into the medical system and the effectiveness it is having on trust in an otherwise untrustworthy and seemingly broken system of care.
The eastern United States gets caught up in a lot of bad images, from lethal bouts of racisms to the ineffective representation in Washington to the hustlers of New York City. Strip away these mechanisms and underneath lies souls in search of love and acceptance — unable or unwilling to offer it up themselves.
Look for the next article, The State of Love — Florida, on Thursday July 2, 2015.
