Wisdom for my broken heart

Wisdom for my broken heart

Get out of bed, there are no solutions there

Take your share of the responsibility

ONLY your share of the responsibility

Eat!

I said eat!

You do not need to lose any weight over this.

It will be ok

but it will suck for a couple of days

a couple of weeks

a couple of months

and then you will be ok

Next time you fall in love you will think this was worthy

Just like yesterday morning, when you were feeling so happy over the moon, and you saw the old familiar face, and he bagged to have you back, and you remembered all the pain, and how he was not worthy, but the pain had showed you a better place?
Well, same will happen again…

Because remember last time

When he left

and you noticed he was not that into you

and you felt like the world ended

and you thought you were going to die

You wanted nothing but your fathers hug

so you could feel like a little girl again and dream of true love

without the knowledge that in the real world love is not for real

When you cried so hard you could not recognize yourself in the mirror

When you were so sad, you could not look at yourself in the mirror

When every word, every song, every inch of your body reminded the smell of his mouth

the sound of his voice whispering your name

his laughter

his eyes

when everything was suffocating

overwhelming

too much

and another step seemed too much to bare…

well, that passed!

You got out of bed

you dressed up

you went out with your girls

and life went back to normal

it will be the same now

You will cry a few more times over this

Cause this is what you do, you cry

and then you will get up

and you will feel a little bit better

then you will laugh so hard about some bullshit

and be surprised that you are laughing

then you will look at yourself in the mirror

and wonder one more time what could have been different

Cause this is what you do, you wonder

And then you will miss him just one more time

and you will overemphasize this ONE thing that he does better than anyone else

A was his love making, flower giving, show offness

B was his friendship, his family, the safety of a constant boring love

C was the way he looked at you, as if you were God’s last gift to humanity, and how he drank from every word you spoke

D was his spontaneity, the craziness to leave the house in the middle of the night to go meet under the moon, the amazing poetry you shared together, the exact same taste for music and jokes

E was the way he made sure you were always protected, always safe, the many nights just the two of you, feeling like life could not and would not get any better than that!

This time, once again, you will come up with something… you always do!

It is in your nature to find potential, and worship it.

So just remember, when you think of the way he stared at you down, as if for once someone other than you were in charge. He was not. He failed. He was not even in charge of his own body, his own mind. When you think of how you two talked for hours and you thought for once you were being heard. Bullshit! You were doing all the listening, you were the one staying up late, taking time from your personal time, he was just using his spare boring time at work with you. When you felt like he came after you, and showed up in your life as if the universe was conspiring for the two of you. He was just bored. You caught his attention and he came after, as irresponsible little boys do. Without wanting to give anything up, without wanting to sacrifice his own safety, his space, his time.

With all of that just fucking remember of you!

It is you who is in charge, all the time.

It is you attracting all this mess.

It is you who loves to dance, to flirt, to be funny.

Just like it was you the great lover, you the real friend who made that home a safe place.

You the inspiration, you the spontaneous, wild, poet who loves jokes and laughter.

It was you who brought upon a sense of protection and pretended to be in the best place of your life.

It was all you!

So lets get out of this bed, and get this day started.

And learn what there is to learn, and throw away the junk

Let’s move, because life is movement

And tomorrow, when the empty come back, when you feel lonely, when you feel sad:

read me!

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