You never taught me…

Mom, we need to talk.

“One of these days, Lizzie, someone will catch your eye and then you will have to watch your tongue.”

So maybe I did learn this last night. Yes, last night. Okay, let’s try this again.

Last night, 06pm.

There’s this awesome, incredibly stupid drama going on the whatsapp class group about someone sending an e-mail complaining about some groups that were not randomly done as we were requested to do. Now picture this, because it’s me and I always get the intel first-hand. I know who sent the mail. Would I ever call it out? Nah. Right now I take it very lightly, but last evening it was such a drama I quite worried this was my share of Grey’s Anatomy drama I had been missing ever since the season ended. Nevermind my position on this, nevermind anyone’s position on this. Do you know what pissed me off? An adult (supposedly) calling out name by name for the responsible one. What for? To shame them? Who gave this person the right to? I want to know. Someone tell me. That’s a person you’re firing at, dammit. Grow up and deal with it, we were supposed to do groups randomly and we didn’t. Whose fault is it again? Grow up.

07pm.

Nevermind the drama when there is so much homework to do. Did I mention that because I’m now in Europe I get to see Game of Thrones many many MANY hours later than I was used to? I lived in a GMT-4 before, I saw GoT at the same time as NY. Now? It’s Tuesday, nearly noon, and I haven’t watched it yet. Can you imagine? I’m dying. Anyway, I so want to watch GoT and Penny Dreadful (already downloaded on my mac) but there’s homework to do.

08pm.

Penguindad starts joking. I follow along, I like this little game we have. But oh, hold on, remember I’m stressed out already? So there’s this one joke that is not at all too far for normal people. But it’s a little too far for me. I didn’t scream, shout, pull a tantrum or anything. I was well pulled out. But then I had to open my mouth and say “you know this would be the perfect time to tell you I’m hypersensitive so don’t joke like that with me”.

Way to go, way to fuck it up. Yey me.

08.15pm.

I’m trying to fix it up, half joking half not joking as much. Normally when I pulled a comment like that on my bff or person, they’d be like “yes, I know, you cried at the ending of Terminator 3 for god’s sake”. But this guy doesn’t know that. Penguindad never met this side of me before, the one that’s breaking slowly out of stress. I’ve managed to pull a monologue and finally decided on a “just scratch this, how was your day?”

08:45pm.

Still silence. Women like me tend to make soooo many theories in our minds in all this radio silence time, tiring. I told someone on whatsapp “fuck, I screwed up”.

09pm.

I get a voice message, and thank god he agreed to ignore my weirdness and told me about his day. We resume our joking… only it’s not so joking as much.

11pm.

My neurones are shaking as they cry out for a break, or maybe just the bed. Screw Got or Penny, they need to sleep. Me? I want to scream “mom WTF!”

Mom, dear mom. You told me love was chaos. You should’ve explained yourself a bit better. You should’ve told me sometimes I shouldn’t cry out my shit like that, I might scare the one person patient enough to put up with my character. He likes playful me, childlish me, pianist me and even singer me. Dear god he just likes me, general and that’s it. I just never thought being liked like this was such an enourmous responsibility.

It’s scary. Love IS scary.

So I wrote this like 2 weeks ago but had forgotten to post it. Whoops.