Just because you’re spending all your time together doesn’t mean you feel connected
Many parents are finding that despite having all the time in the world to spend with their teens lately, they feel more disconnected than ever before. The changes that Covid has brought has meant more adults and kids spending more time on screens than ever before, whether for work, school, or entertainment.
And teens are already notorious for holing up in their rooms and not spending much time with their families anyway. More time at home means more time for them to hide away.
As parents, we want to spend time with our kids. But we also want them to want to spend time with us. …
When you use the written word to communicate about the kids, there are some things you should keep in mind
When I got divorced, neither my ex nor I had cell phones. And even when I did get one, texting was such a pain in the ass that I never did it. So when it came to communication, I relied on emails. It gave us a written record of everything that had been said so that neither of us could stand in front of a judge and deny something we’d said or claim something we hadn’t said.
Today, texting is the default communication method for most of us. Frankly, I don’t answer my phone unless it’s my parents or my kids. …
For the sake of your kids, sometimes you have to make nice
Birthdays, graduations, family reunions, holidays, weddings… there are so many family events over the course of your child’s life. And these events, whether you like it or not, will often include your ex. Sometimes they might even include the ex’s family and eventually a new partner.
Whether it’s just your ex or your ex and their family, it’s not always easy to get through these events. There can be lingering resentments, frustrations, and other hard feelings. There can be current conflicts that make things less than ideal.
But for the sake of your kids, most of the time you want to be nice and find a way to make these events the happy, exciting occasions your kids think they are and that they should be. …
If you’ve got a series of highly dramatic, unhealthy relationships in your past, it might be you.
Consider your last few relationships. Did they all play out in very similar ways? Maybe your partner cheated in each one (or you did)? Maybe you constantly argued over everything? Or maybe you had the same argument in each one — the relationship moving too fast/slow, money, time spent together?
Is there a pattern there?
Maybe there are some triggers.
You might also see other signs.
Do you feel bored when life is peaceful?
Do you get excited when you need to drop everything for someone’s crisis — or when you have your own crisis?
Do you spend a lot of time mentally re-living things that have happened — often bad things? …
Divorce is more than just splitting property and defining custody; it’s the loss of something much bigger.
When I married my ex-husband, there was a part of me that knew the marriage wasn’t going to last. We separated twice before the third and final separation that ended in divorce. The few years that we spent together were filled with infidelity (on his part), arguments, stress, fear, and a ton of other negative emotions.
And yet, I stayed. I stayed far longer than I should have. I stayed despite knowing it was over. …
You don’t need a partner to feel great about yourself and your life
Once I started dating, I didn’t stop until I met the man I married. When I divorced him, I started dating a friend within weeks (literally about two weeks) of our divorce being final. Being single, completely and truly alone without even a casual date, was not something I was comfortable with.
In fact, do you know what actually made me stop dating? Motherhood. I had two little boys and when my friend and I agreed we were better as friends, I realized I simply didn’t have time for dating. I was raising my kids without their father, going to school and eventually working full-time. …
Every family has conflict but if you handle it well, it doesn’t have to be a problem
When you’re divorced, conflict can be a serious trigger for both you and your kids. And there are plenty of opportunities for conflict: between you and the kids, you and your ex, your ex and the kids, and between the kids. And that’s even before anyone gets remarried and introduces stepparents and stepsiblings into the mix.
Conflict happens in any family and you’re still a family even after divorce. Sharing children means you’re always family, just in a different way. And this difference is why it’s more important than ever that you learn to navigate family conflict. …
What do you do when your ex walks away without a backward glance?
There are so many things we worry about when we decide to split from a partner we have children with. Who gets the pots and pans? Who will the kids live with? How can we make sure the kids don’t get seriously screwed up as a result of the split?
One thing we often don’t consider is that our ex might split completely. Yet many single parents are left raising at least one child entirely on their own because the other parent has disappeared.
I’m one of those parents. When my ex-husband and I got married, I was pregnant with my oldest. I found out he already had a daughter a week before the wedding. A daughter he didn’t see, didn’t pay child support for, and according to him, that was all her mother’s fault. …
When you’re starting over after a divorce, you need to get rid of all the labels.
There are several labels I can apply to myself.
I’m a mom. An ex-wife. A daughter. A granddaughter. A friend. A writer. A meditation teacher.
But all of those labels describe me in relation to another person. They describe what I can do for other people or how close or distant I am from another person. They don’t describe me, the woman I am and was before I became a mom, got married, or decided to become a meditation teacher. …
And a tip or two on how to try to deal with them
Whether you’re a single parent by choice or through divorce or being widowed, it’s a hard gig. There’s no denying that there are plenty of problems that are unique to single parents. What we do try to deny is that we’re facing those problems and sometimes that they’re really bringing us down.
Depression affects 322 million people around the world. There are many types, with different severities and different treatments. Most involve seeing a doctor and either taking a medication or seeing a therapist regularly — and both of those can sometimes seem out of reach for a single parent.
But denying that your depression exists, if you have it, isn’t going to do you any favors. But there are a few things you can try before heading to the doctor. …
