5 Tips to Joyful Dating

I just got back from San Francisco, where I was visiting a friend, Seema.

Over dinner, she looked at me with a glimmer in her eyes, and while going through her life updates (new job, parents, sisters, etc), she briefly hinted at her exciting new relationship.

I listened patiently to the whole general update, then, at an elegant pause, I jumped in, “Seema, enough with all the boring stuff. I want the JUICE now!”

A little back story — just like me, she was also engaged to a man, but two weeks before their wedding, they ended it. It had been a 4 year-long challenging relationship, and finally, it combusted. She was sick of always being the ‘giver’.

Seema then went on a world tour (a ‘walkabout’ of sorts) — the backstreets of Indonesia, Bali, etc.

She came back with a renewed sense of hope and peace of mind. She even attended my workshop in SF.

She decided to get back into the dating grind, and dated several men, each getting easier and smoother. Less dramatic. She didn’t feel pumped about any of them. But she did learn how to be kinder and more mindful while dating and ending relationships.

Last summer, she decided to give up online dating for 4 months, to focus on her friend’s weddings.

She was invited to her gay friend’s wedding. It was a big, pompous affair, and she rented the most ridiculously poofy, princess-like green gown.

She went into the wedding in her wackiest yet normal self.

And there, she met a sweet Asian man, whom she presumed was gay.

After talking, she invited him to dance. They laughed and connected all night.

And by the end of it, he asked her out!

She was floored (she presumed he was gay, but he wasn’t + he wasn’t her ‘normal type’), yet she agreed.

On her first date, some of her sabotaging thoughts came up — but she pushed them aside, saying “I’m just going to go along and have fun! What the heck.”

6 months have flown by like no other. Their romance has been sweet and enchanting. They have very little expectation except of mutual respect, trust and honesty. They’re best friends first. They’ve even met each others’ families, and resonate deeply on their values.

She told me, “Sarika, the best part is, I didn’t go into each date, over-analyzing whether he’s the one. Some of my friends have said, ‘Seema, you’re dating an Asian, how ‘progressive’ of you!’ While others have said, ‘It’s been 6 months! Are you thinking of marriage?’ I’ve decided to let others’ opinions go, and just focus on the TODAY, the PRESENT MOMENT. I realize, I just want to be happy NOW — and enjoy every moment of us getting to know each other.”

Then she continued on and on about how amazingly kind, generous and down-to-earth he is… and how she can just be herself. All the fun trips they have planned. And how she catches herself when she’s being resistant to his love.

I am genuinely happy for her!

I could relate, as I too, had an enchanting dating journey with Krishan — where we threw out all expectations, and focused on enjoying the present moment.

Falling in love in this way is liberating and magical, and you grow so much in the process. Romance isn’t dead!

I am sharing my secrets in my upcoming workshop “Love Through Synchronicity: Attract Healthy & Joyful Relationships into Your Life” on March 24th in NYC.

So how can you bring back the romance into dating?

5 Tips to Enjoy the Dating Process

1. Stay focused on the present moment. Don’t overanalyze each date and whether he’s ‘the

one’ (there are obviously some deal breakers, like addiction, etc). Moreover, bring your full presence to each date, and put away your phone (you can also request that of your date).

2. Date multiple men. It’s like networking and meeting new friends. A real partnership will be revealed over time (sometimes over several months), so there is no need to commit to a single person early on. Moreover, not everyone’s going to get ‘you’, and vice versa!

3. Feel free to be yourself. However, coming from a place of self-love and self-acceptance (and freedom from pesky, self-critical thoughts!) — which will allow you to be your ‘true self’.

4. Enjoy the dates, and don’t take dating too personally. Give people 2–3 chances. You can even invite men, treat them and plan fun things — even simple activities like walking in the park are great! Over time, you can see whether you feel ‘energized’ or ‘drained’ while you’re with him — this is a good test for ‘resonance’. Moreover, see if you resonate on deeper things, like values, vision and lifestyle preferences.

5. Clear your inner blocks — your partner may already be in your life (friend of a friend, or online), but if your heart’s not open or you’re afraid of being vulnerable, you may not attract him!

Please share this with your friends.

And I hope to see you in my upcoming workshop in New York City, where you will feel rejuvenated about your approach to dating.