How to Transform Fear into Love and why this is so crucial for a fulfilled life

Alexandra Zuber
Love U
Published in
5 min readJan 17, 2019


“You either act from a place of love or from a place of fear”

sasint via

When I heard this statement for the first time a couple of years ago, it made me reflect a lot about it and I realized it is so true.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist who had examined the 5 stages of grief and regrets by working with terminally ill people came to the conclusion that our two main emotions are fear or love. Yes, we have other emotions but they all stem from those two.

When was the last time you acted based on love?

Think about it, that business you are considering starting but are a little scared of financial uncertainty, that relationship you would like to pursue but are a little hesitant to be open about your feelings due to fear of rejection, that dream of world travel you have but fears of the unknown and of giving up security hold you back.

If you are actually going for it or not depends on if you act upon love or fear.

To avoid any misconception, let's define the two first.

Definition of love and fear in this context

Love is “feeling of unconditional, deep and intense affection, passion or affinity”, so not only the romantic love but the love inside yourself, love for the world and people, the connection with your heart and spirit, belief in the good, trust, compassion, happiness, joy, belonging, acceptance, gratitude, etc.

Fear is “the feeling of aversion that arises from the belief that something or someone will cause us harm or pain, or is somehow dangerous to us”, so not only being scared walking alone in the streets in the night but more about existential fear, fear of success (YES!), fear of being judged, fear of being alone or being abandoned, fear of the unknown, grief, guilt, shame, apathy, anger… you get the point!

Credit: Unsplash: mwangi gatheca, @thirdworldhippy

Love and Fear cannot exist at the same time

If you feel trust or empathy for someone you are not scared. If you feel gratitude, you are fearless. If you feel you belong, you do not have fear. If you are ashamed, feel abandoned or guilty you are not in a state of love.

“Every time we choose love instead of fear, we utilize that power.

And the more we utilize it, the better we become at doing so.”

How to choose love over fear

1. Awareness

If you are aware of this concept, you have a choice in everything you do and believe. You can train yourself to choose love over fear. An open mind and positive experiences will enhance your ability to choose love. As an example, my trust in people and the world has dramatically improved since I have been traveling alone and only met supportive and kind souls around the world.

2. Focus

If you are constantly feeding your mind with negative media reports, you will be scared that you are going to get robbed or something bad is going to happen to you, and guess what, it probably will. But if you choose to feed your mind with positive news, you will attract the good, and good things will happen. Train yourself in this, and maybe it helps you to have someone who will do it together with you.

Where your focus goes, energy flows!

As an example, if someone says something that hurts you or triggers you, try to come from a place of compassion, trying to understand why this person would say such a thing. It has probably to do with their own pain.

3. Feel and dig deeper

Allow yourself to feel. All the feelings! Then ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Only if we feel we can heal and experience emotional freedom.

4. Give and you will receive

What you send out, comes back to you! If you radiate love, you attract love. If you radiate anger, you will attract unpleasant people and surroundings.

5. Practice gratitude

If you do not know how to get into a love state easily, think about things you are grateful for. It can be “little” things such as a roof over your head, health or food on the table. Also, tell people you are grateful for them and see the magic unfolding as a result.

6. Be mindful of your environment

Surround yourself with people who choose love over fear. Avoid negative naysayers. We are the average of the five people we spend our time with. Try it out.

“To live from love not fear, on a practical level, is to shift from a goal of protecting our ego, being right, winning the argument, being not to blame, and move into actually being kind, being loving — in our actions. It is to be willing to stop proving that we’re a good person and actually be that good person — to be courageous enough to open our heart and be love even when our ego is screaming in fear.”

Your reward will be to experience yourself as love rather than the small ego.

“We are rewarded with a freedom that surpasses all other freedoms. Ultimately, it is through our willingness to stop defending our idea of ourselves that we discover our true and indestructible self.” (Colier, Nancy. 2019)

What are you choosing?

Sources: (2018) (2019)

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Alexandra Zuber
Love U

Cert.Coach & NLP Pract., who helps driven freedom seekers to create a limitless, authentic & abundant life through an online income!