Dating a German when you’re an Indian.
Dating is HARD. It comes with its own set of challenges, pressures, and expectations. What makes it harder? When it’s inter-cultural but that’s still no reason for anyone to shy away from it. Maneuvering through a different culture can be challenging and well, confusing but with the right amount of information and tools, a fulfilling intercultural relationship is achievable.
Here, we’ll treat the story of ‘Nitika’ (An Indian) and ‘Vincent’ (A German) as a case study to walk you through how you can successfully date a German when you’re an Indian and have a fulfilling intercultural relationship just like they did.
Let’s begin!
Be prepared to be set-up
Being set-up by friends is a very common phenomenon in Germany. In fact, that's pretty much how people date in Germany.
Now, if you're an Indian, you're used to being set-up too but for marriages and not so much for relationships so this will be a new and exciting experience for you. Just like how it was for Nitika.
Nitika and Vincent were set-up by a mutual friend without even knowing that they were being set-up. They were told by their common friend that they should meet each other to socialize and they agreed. Little did they know they had love in store for them!
Be in it for the long-haul
Most Germans will date you for a much longer period of time than most people will.
Why? Because they believe in doing serious relationships and don't really fool around that much. They're almost always looking to build something with you that lasts.
As an Indian, this plays in your favor since Indian parents are always looking for their kids to settle down with someone with whom they've been in a long-term committed relationship.
Punctuality is key
When Indians say, "Main raaste mein hu" (“I’m on my way”), what they mean is "I’ve just woken up and will take an hour to get there." Unfortunately, that doesn’t always fare well for Germans. They take punctuality really seriously.
Nitika and Vincent very beautifully managed to work around Punctuality. To quote Vincent, "Well, it’s not so much middle ground as it is me being on my ground and waiting for her to finally arrive there too, and then, when she does, just welcome her with open arms and act like it’s all good. And then, it’s about patience and about just trying to accept and understand the other person - respect that maybe they are different, maybe they have other qualities; I’m not good with math, for example, even if I’m counting seconds but she is. So, in the same way, yeah, you have to respect these things about each other. So what if I’m ready sooner? In the end, I can just learn from that and say, "Well, okay, I can just do something else and just get ready later because this woman is anyway not going to be ready until five minutes before we have to leave.”
Small talk? What’s that?
Germans DO NOT believe in making small talk. If ever you try to “Kya haal chaal” (Ask “What’s up” to) a German, don’t expect them to respond in one word because chances are that they’ll actually end up telling you what they are up to in detail. They’re extremely good at holding long conversations which in turn will have your Indian-self thanking the lords to have you stumble upon a German. Germans will also indulge you in deep insightful conversations.
We’d know since that’s exactly what happened with Nitika and Vincent when they met for the first time for an unintended movie date. Nitika mentioned that it was really nice for her to talk to somebody (Vincent) that she could have proper, deep conversations with and that it helped to build a connection between them. They’ve been together for 4 years now. Good job Vincent! *Wink wink*
Your foodie needs will always be covered
When Vincent went to meet Nitika at her place for her birthday (Note that he reached her place a day prior to her birthday. That's the kind of German punctuality we're talking about here. All jokes apart, Vincent had simply forgotten when Nitika's birthday was and so he ended up reaching her place a day early), he took a box of Indian sweets with him for her. Now if you're an Indian, you'd know how big we are on food and family.
Needless to say, it was extremely thoughtful of Vincent to take a box of sweets with him along. Unfortunately, Nitika doesn’t really like sweets but hey, it’s the thought that counts right?
You won't have to doubt their sincerity
Even though Germans aren't known for being absolute romantics, know that once you do make it to their heart, they'll love you with their all and it'll show in their actions.
Nitika had a hereditary condition that stopped her jaw from developing fully and to fix that, she had to undergo major surgery. It was hard for her to go through with it because it involved breaking the bones in her jaw and putting them together again by inserting a lot of metal inside her mouth to make everything fit.
Now, we can all imagine how painful that must've been but Vincent being Vincent, made sure that he took care of his lady love in the best way possible. He skipped his exams to be there for her at the hospital throughout that entire week that she was hospitalized. He didn't even attend his exams because he was too worried about Nitika and so, he chose to prioritize her health over everything. Aww!
Keeping Vincent and Nitika's journey in mind, we know that there is hope for a happy Intercultural relationship and that we too can find a considerate and loving Vincent for ourselves because clearly, your efforts aren't for nothing when you date a German, wouldn't you say?
Like Nitika and Vincent's story? Listen to the stories of couples overcoming insurmountable odds in their pursuit of love only on Love Without Borders. It’ll make you want to fall in love again.
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