I Just Talked About Sex With My Dad For The First Time
A short story about the things we can learn about being better in bed from our parents
We learn a lot of things from our parents. When it comes to sex, we usually learn why not to do it, how to be safe doing it, or sometimes, we don’t learn much at all.
But in a world where 54% of people are dissatisfied with their sex lives, I have to wonder — could our parents help us learn to do it better?
A few weeks ago, I went home to the visit my family.
I brought along a card game I’m developing that makes it easy for adults to talk intimately about sex with their partners, friends, and apparently, their parents.
The game includes 69 cards, and each one has a topic or theme relating back to sexuality and partnership.
“Dad, you want to play a game? It’s about sex.”
“Sure.”
“All you have to do is pull a card and then share whatever you want relating to the topic on the card.”
As he looked at his first card, he blushed — big time. With a slight stutter, he practically whispered, “It…says…anal…play.”
His discomfort was delightful. I knew we were about to cross a serious threshold in our relationship.
“So what comes up for you when you see anal play, Dad?”
“Not into it.”
He pulled another card.
“Orgasm.”
“Well, what comes up for you when you see that, Dad?”
“There’s nothing better,” he said through a smirk and beet red cheeks.
“Do you think of your orgasm or your partner’s?” I asked.
“My partner’s.”
“Why?”
“Because mine is easy. I’ve got to really work for hers.”
At this point, my brother began laughing and my sister-in-law excused herself from the room.
I had so many questions. After all, I’ve spent my whole sex-having adulthood trying to learn how to be good in bed, and perhaps my dad had the answers all along.
“What kind of work do you have to do, Dad?”
He spoke slowly and softly, which was unlike my father, as he is usually an explosion of energy — all. the. time.
“You…have…to…touch certain places,” he explained.
“Which places, Dad?”
The awkwardness was so thick you could swim in it.
“The…clitoris.”
This was the first time I had ever heard my father reference the clitoris in my life. In fact, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as the clitoris until I was in college. And I had already been having sex for years.
“What do you have to do to the clitoris, Dad?”
He sat up, proud as a peacock, and said, “Well, let me put it this way. It’s more about the manipulating than the penetrating, Jared. That’s how you cause the volcano.”
OH. MY. GOD. THE. VOLCANO. OH. MY. GOD.
My father was dropping some infinite sexual wisdom on me for the first time. My brother and I were practically in tears from laughing so hard.
The whole thing was arguably the most intimate conversation I’d ever had with my father — ever.
“Why didn’t you talk to me about these things growing up?” I asked. “You have so much to teach me!”
“I just figured you’d find out on your own. I didn’t decide not to talk about it. It just wasn’t a thing to discuss. I think we talked about condoms with you when you were younger, but the details about positions and things, those didn’t seem like things for us to talk about.”
We played a few more cards. He shared his perspectives on lingerie, masturbation, and other things. We laughed a lot. And honestly, I’ve never felt closer to my father.
It’s amazing how many meaningful connections and profound discoveries we miss out on because we’re afraid of a few awkward moments.
What did you learn from your parents about sex?
What will you teach your children?
Here. We. Go.
If you’re interested in a copy of the card game, drop your email here and we’ll let you know when it’s available.
