That Moment I Told Her I Slept With Someone Else
A Touchpoint True Story About Honesty
I was sitting across from Lara at the table in our tiny one-bedroom apartment, slurping on fish soup, and listening to all the stories I missed while I was away for the week. My unpacked luggage sat by the front door. Our toy poodle, Joey, rested on Lara’s lap, staring at me in disbelief. It was as if Joey knew the truth.
I was a cheat. A phony. A liar. I was indiscriminate, immature, and undeserving of love. I was an absolute buffoon. And Joey knew it.
That night, I hung on every word that dribbled from Lara’s lips. Every moment of minutia about ‘the girls in the office’ sounded like poetry and I’d become enchanted with the way she bit her lower lip while thinking about what to say next. She was, without question, the most wondrous woman I’d ever known.
I was replaying our entire relationship in my mind. The moment we met by that fountain in the park. She asked me to take a picture of her and a friend. Our first kiss at the bowling alley. Our first trip to Iowa to meet her family. All the sex in all the places. The moment I asked her to marry me while we were on a ferris wheel in London.
In my eyes, her body was flawless. She was built like a dancer because she was one, and no matter how mundane her days as an Account Executive had become, she still had the fire of those Broadway nights inside of her.
I was so in love in with Lara. With her smell, her laugh, and the way her hair got tangled and she never seemed to care. I was in love with her oversized hoodies and tiny green eyes. There was no part of her I wished to change or sought escape from. Lara was home and had been for almost seven years.
The shame and disgust I felt for myself was immeasurable. I couldn’t hold back my truth.
“I slept with someone,” I whispered, interrupting her story about a change in command on the Ad Sales team.
She went silent. Her pupils dilated. I could see her chest get heavy.
“I cannot lie to you and I’m sorry. I love you with all my heart. And I will not lie to you. I made a mistake. It meant nothing. I don’t want her. I don’t want anyone but you. I’m sorry.”
I started to cry. My face fell into my hands.
After a moment, I heard her get up. I did not open my eyes. The front door to our apartment opened and closed.
I sat at that table for another hour contemplating what my life would look like now that I’d broken the best part of it. I would have to find an apartment. I would have to let go of my best friend. Everything would be different and I was frightened. And for what? For some random woman I met at a business conference.
I cleaned the table, did the dishes, walked Joey, and showered. Lara texted me that she would be staying at Beth’s apartment and we would talk in the morning.
I slept on the couch.
The next morning, I was awakened by the sound of our front door. Lara stood still in the foyer, looking down on me. Her voice was calm and steady.
“Who was she?”
“A woman I met at the conference.”
“What happened?”
“We had a few drinks and I slept with her.”
“Why?”
“Because I was attracted to her.”
“Do you want to see her again?”
“No.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Parts of it. But I felt guilt and shame throughout the entire thing.”
“So why did you do it?”
“Because I have a lot of work to do.”
“Why did you tell me about it?”
“Because I cannot lie to you.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you.”
She laid down on the couch beside me. We were silent for what felt like a lifetime.
“Thank you for telling me the truth,” she said.
“I will always tell you the truth.”
That was four years ago.
Today, we’re married and we have a beautiful daughter.
