Practicing Self-compassion

Self-compassion is an important mental skill that we can develop as part of our mindfulness practice. It is traditionally a part of Buddhist Love Meditation, but it can also be cultivated as a standalone practice to improve our mental health.

Self-compassion practice is scientifically shown to:

• let you deal with negative experiences, conflicts, and perceived failures in a healthy way. (1)
• lower stress, depression and anxiety symptoms. (2)
• give you a way to self-soothe (3), so you can deal with relationship conflicts better.
• increase psychological well-being. (4)

Self-compassion practice has three main components: (1)

Mindfulness:

Use your breath to become aware of what’s going on inside, without judgement. Observe the feelings and other mental processes for what they are, without deeply identifying with them.

Self-kindness:

Express love and acceptance towards yourself. Wish yourself well, and know that you are worthy of acceptance, no matter what.

Connectedness:

Extend your awareness to all beings, and acknowledge that everyone goes through difficult experiences. Merge your self-compassion with the naturally arising compassion for others, focusing on our common capacity to experience pain and love.

“Self-compassion results in a cognitive-emotional mindset, which responds to negative experiences with more self-kindness, mindfulness, and awareness of the common threads of humanity. In this process, self-compassion does not simply lead to the replacement of negative feelings with positive ones; instead, individuals high in self-compassion cognitively accept and integrate negative experiences.” (4)

(1) Neff, K.D., & Dahm, K.A. (in press). Self-compassion: What it is, what it does, and how it relates to mindfulness. In M. Robinson, B. Meier, & B. Ostafin (Eds.), Mindfulness and self-regulation. New York: Springer.

(2) MacBeth, A., & Gumley, A. (2012). Exploring compassion: A meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review, 32 (6), 545–552.

(3) Leary, M.R., Tate, E.B., Adams, C.E., Allen, A.B., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92 (5), 887–904.

(4) Zessin, U., Dickhauser, O., Garbade, S. (2015). The Relationship Between Self-Compassion and Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-being, 7 (3)