What does a Buddhist wedding look like? — Our story
Our third wedding anniversary is approaching, so we thought we might share with you our memories, and some ideas that can be useful if you are planning a Buddhist wedding yourself.
A bit of history
Many religions, like Christianity and Hinduism, have deeply ingrained marital traditions that have developed over the millennia. With Buddhism it’s a bit different story: at its beginnings, rather than a popular religion, it resembled more of a psychological self-help group of a small number of spiritual seekers (at first, only men), who chose to leave behind their families, and lead a life of solitude in the forests and mountains. As time went on, and people with families heard about the Buddha, he started to deliver teachings that were useful to them as well — on how to lead a happy family life for example. But at this time, Buddhist wedding ceremonies still didn’t exist: this role remained with the temples and priests of the local religions of the time.
Later, as Buddhism spread to what became Mahayana countries, it became primarily associated with monastic mind training, and for lay followers, rituals for the deceased. Different spiritual traditions took on different roles: for example in Japan, it’s still customary to complete coming-of-age rituals in a Shinto sanctuary, hold weddings in a Christian church, and funerals in a Buddhist temple.
A Chinese Buddhist wedding
Today, it’s still not very popular to have a Buddhist wedding, but as there are more and more people to whom the Dharma is an essential part of life, the demand is increasing for such ceremonies. Since there are no real ancient wedding traditions in Buddhism, different schools create their own rituals, often reflecting their own specific cultural backgrounds.
As we have been studying and practicing in the Chinese Buddhist tradition of Fo Guang Shan, we have decided to hold our wedding at their temple in the heart of Amsterdam’s Chinatown. We also had a separate, legal ceremony with a reception, in which we included Buddhist elements as well: a lotus flower theme, seating cards representing the 4 aspects of Love in Buddhism (Benevolence, Compassion, Appreciation, Acceptance), as ideals in our marriage; and a wedding vow that we said at both of our ceremonies:
“Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech, and mind.
In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly.
The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion towards all sentient beings.”
Our wedding ceremony at the temple started the same way as most Chinese Buddhist rituals start: with bowing in front of the Buddha as a sign of respect, and the the chanting of the Incense Chant. This chant is a small meditative practice in itself: as the monastics light the incense, the participants visualise the Buddhas of all the worlds appearing in the smoke. This act marks out the ceremony from the normal flow of time, and dedicates it to our inner Buddha nature. One translation of the chant goes something like this:
As the incense burns in the censer, its smoke permeates the whole dharma world.
As the great sea of all the Buddhas take notice, it spreads everywhere like a cloud of blessings.
We observe with a sincere heart, as all Buddhas appear in their perfect bodies.
As we have a deep connection with Guanyin (more properly, Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa), the manifestation of the Compassionate Mind in Mahayana Buddhism, we chanted the Heart Sutra, that is traditionally connected to Her. This is one of the most popular, and also one of the shortest Buddhist scriptures, which can be chanted in just a few minutes. It’s about the importance of seeing the deeply interconnected nature of all things for spiritual development. The chanting of the sutra sets the tone for our relationship, as we strive to not only make ourselves better, but also to help each other to do the same.
After the sutra chanting, we repeated a set of standard wedding vows by the officiating monastic, and finished by bowing in front of each other in respect. We then exchanged the wedding tokens — small malas (Buddhist meditation beads), and then the rings. After this, we proceeded to sign the wedding certificate issued by the temple, along with the monastics, and our parents.
At this point, the monastic said a short blessing, and declared us married, and of course, we kissed. We read out our wedding vows, then we finished the ceremony with paying respect by bowing in front of our parents, the other guests, the officiating monastic, and the Buddha.
Having a Buddhist wedding ceremony is a great way to give a good start to your life together, building it on a foundation of mindfulness, wisdom, and compassion. We are very happy we decided to do it the way we did, and we are grateful to everyone who made it a reality.
