Obama and I differ around being “My Brother’s Keeper”
At first glance, this might seem like splitting hairs, but there is a critical difference between being responsible TO another — and being responsible FOR another. If you get them confused there can be a lot of heartache.
Let’s first look at what President Obama said when he initiated “My Brother’s Keeper,” and then some reflections on how being responsible TO and being responsible FOR show up in your own life at home and work. I’ll finish up with an application around loving Mother Earth.
Here is what our President said at the initiation of his program.
“That’s what ‘My Brother’s Keeper’ is all about. Helping more of our young people stay on track. Providing the support they need to think more broadly about their future. Building on what works — when it works, in those critical life-changing moments.”
— President Barack Obama, February 27, 2014
While I have had no direct interaction with My Brother’s Keeper, the intent is wonderful and upon looking at their website, the program is successful. That is all just great. Any effort to address the persistent opportunity gaps faced by boys and young men of color so that they can reach their full potential is to be lauded.
My issue is with being anyone’s “keeper.”
It is just so easy to take responsibility FOR someone else, thereby crippling their own freedom of choice and stifling their sense of control over their own actions and the consequences of those actions.
We do, however, have a responsibility TO those young people. It is our responsibility TO create ways and means by which the young people in the program can more effectively take responsibility FOR their own lives. That makes perfect sense to me, and I’ll bet it does to President Obama.
My sensitivity to the differences between TO and FOR comes from working as a family therapist and family business advisor.
All too often, as you can easily imagine, someone in the family system (or any other social system system such as work or school) is behaving in an under-responsible way. Note: that’s different than being outright irresponsible.
Some common examples:
· In families where there is an addict, it is inevitable that someone is enabling by being overly-responsible FOR the under-responsible addict.
· Parents, out of the goodness of their hearts, over compensate with loving attention and take too much responsibility FOR helping with homework.
· Employers care for a dedicated worker who is an underperformer. Maybe he or she was promoted above their level of competence. Maybe the work grew beyond the worker’s ability. The employer tolerates the situation too long, taking on too much responsibility FOR the gap in performance until there is a breaking point.
· A boss discovers that he is fishing too much instead of teaching his people to fish. It can be very seductive to assume the helper role, only to find that your people have become unconsciously dependent upon you to be responsible FOR them.
· As parents age, the next generation struggles to find the line between being responsible TO one’s parents and being responsible FOR them. Everyone wants to sustain independence and agency as long as possible, and the line gets blurry.
You get the idea.
We have a responsibility TO those who are willing but not able, but if we take responsibility FOR them, we are crippling them.
Parenthetically, this is much the differentiator between Democrats and traditional Republicans. Each has a strength and a weakness around both TO and FOR.
We are not to “keep” human beings.
In Genesis, Chapter 4, we have the story of Cain and Abel. God came to Cain and asked, “Where is your brother?” to which Cain, who had killed his brother Abel, replied, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” This reply is actually a non sequitur, a conclusion that does not follow logically given the context. Cain “kept” his brother when he killed him.
The word “keeper” appears more than 450 times in the Hebrew Scriptures, and none are in reference to “keeping a human being” but always in reference to keeping land, sheep, goats, cattle… property.
So, we aren’t to keep each other, but we are to love and support each other.
Here is my take as a Contemplative Environmentalist.
If we want to be responsible FOR our own survival, then we better be effectively responsible TO Mother Earth. She is unquestionably responsible FOR herself, as we are FOR our own selves. But today, with her in such ill health, we must find effective ways to uplift her, and that means taking responsible FOR her health while we still can.
Obama’s intent is understandable and his appropriate injunction to help our brothers (and sisters, I might add) is embraced. In my world we are all in the Kin-dom of God, struggling to be responsible TO and FOR in ways that enhance life.
Mother Earth longs for us to be take appropriate responsibility FOR our hurtful behavior. She is waiting for us to change our ways. Let us encourage each other to find those ways and means, personally and as communities and corporations, so that her life is truly enhanced.
We have, I would suggest, an opportunity to be responsible TO each other as we challenge each other to be responsible FOR our treatment of Mother Earth.
TO and FOR. There is a difference.
In 2020, I wrote the book LOVING MOTHER EARTH: Integrating Environmentalism and Spirituality, which can be purchased on Amazon, and know that if you do, $5.00 from every purchase is donated to The Sierra Club.
You can learn more about me at Loving-Mother-Earth.com.
