PROTEIN & VEGGIES

Messy As Fuck Veggie Burger

a vegan recipe, or is it sculpture?

It starts off pretty, and ends up like a sloppy joe tornado just passed through town : ) Or maybe not, depending on your burger handling skills. Perhaps consider this meal to be a kind of gamified plant-based eating, testing your player abilities to handle dexterity-challenging situations.

A low carb bread (e.g. Carbonaut brand) is sufficient, because big thick buns will send you directly into a carb coma sleep anyway.

Any veggie patty will do — what’s shown is Costco’s Chipotle black bean burger which is my favorite plant-based burger, though any plant-based burger will work.

Then, layer onto the patty:

• Arugula (or some other fresh green)
• Tomato slice
• Guacamole
• Tomatillo salsa
• Kimchi
• Shredded beets with horseradish (the surprise ingredient that will make you appear to be a veggie burger genius)

Top with the remaining slice of bread, and let the messy as fuck burger handling games begin!

These toppings take North America’s burger format to new global heights by integrating cuisine influences from Latin America, Korea and Eastern Europe.

Whether it does so in the American melting pot or Canadian mosaic style is above my paygrade and categorizing competency. It’s not really worth worrying about cultural appropriation here because globalization, like life itself, and very much like this burger, is messy as fuck so why pretend otherwise?