Moms on Blockchain

Moms are the best. They love us unconditionally. They always know what to say. They make the best food. They give the best hugs.

Moms are the best.

So for Mother’s Day this year, we wanted to collectively say “thank you” to all of our moms. Without them, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

Hold up. Do our moms even know where we ended up? Do they understand what we do? Have we called them and explained to them our jobs?

Nah. (We’ve been terrible children.)

We must remedy this situation — pronto. Here’s an idea. To see just how deplorable we’ve been as children, let’s all text our moms and ask them the following question: “Without doing ANY research, what do you think blockchain is?”

So that’s what we did. Here are their answers, complete with screenshot evidence. Do our moms know what we do? As it turns out… no. No they don’t.

Maureen (Molly Moriarty’s Mom)

Molly’s mom Maureen makes a valiant attempt here. She clearly doesn’t know what blockchain is, but if you think about how we often explain blockchain, it does kinda sound like a necklace. So well done, Maureen.

Molly was also nice enough to give her a 2nd chance at bat which she hit out of the park.

Nan (Chris Cohen’s Mom)

So Chris’s mom Nan totally hustles us. Her first answer is a classic mom answer. It even incorporates small children playing with things. However, unable to pretend she doesn’t know what she’s talking about for long, she quickly follows up with one of the more clear and coherent explanations of blockchain I’ve seen. Of course, notice how Chris pulls a classic son move and trolls her at the end.

Don’t be a dick to your mom, Chris.

Elie (Desi Bogdanova’s Mom)

Desi’s mom Elie is needlessly tentative, here. Her answer, although short, is actually not too bad. She was able to immediately link the concept of blockchain to the concept of cryptocurrency which not everyone can do. Well done, Elie.

Desi, maybe take more time to explain what you do to your mother so she’ll have confidence next time.

Linda (Lauren Wolff’s Mom)

Ok, this is pretty upsetting. Lauren’s mom Linda clearly had a cheat sheet, or someone feeding her answers, or she’s just really smart. Not fair, Linda. Look at her pretense of modesty at the end with the “pretty hard to write down when you know so little” act.

I’m not buying it, Linda.

Debbie (My Mom)

Oh boy. This just broke my heart. My mom’s answer was actually a good guess. However, she immediately followed it up with a heart-rending “I know it’s all wrong.” Have some confidence, Mom! Bless her heart.

Except her lack of confidence lasted all of 5 seconds before she hit me with this gem: “Anything else?” It’s as if to say, “yeah I’ve got answers. What else you need?” Perfect, just perfect Mom.

Maria (Enddy Dumbrique’s Mom)

This last one’s a doozy.

First, I need to point out that Enddy didn’t follow our instructions (this is the same guy who’s mom still thinks he works at Costco). He was supposed to text his mom but decided to call her instead. So we don’t have visual proof of her answer. However, what we do have might be way better. Nay, it is way better.

Here’s the conversation between Enddy and his mother as transcribed by Enddy. Please note that this conversation initially happened in Spanish. We’ve decided to post the original and a (questionable) translation for ultimate comedic effect. Enjoy.

Enddy: Madre, sabes lo que el blockchain?

Mom: (With an urgent tone and completely confident that I’m referring to my car) Es also con tu caro. Que paso con tu caro? Te dije que le hechas agua.

Enddy: No Ama! No es algo con el caro.

Mom: A mi no me quieras ver la cara de pendeja. Te dije que le heches agua a el caro.

Enddy: No Ama! Mi caro esta bien. No tiene nada que ver con el caro. No mas quería saber si sabias lo que es el blockchain?

Mom: Enddy no me mientas.

Enddy: Mom! En serio no tiene nada que ver con el caro.

*** phone dies*** Calls back mom

Enddy: Entonces sabes lo que es el blockchain?

Mom: (In anticipation that I would ask her again, mom had her answer ready and reads from google search in her Mexican Accent) Deegeetal lefjers in whish transahshuns maid in bee-coin……..

Enddy: *** laughing so hard and in shock after hearing my mom say words like “Digital” “ledger” “distributed” and “bitcoin”***

Mom: (In sarcastic and all knowing tone) Quieres que te lo repita otra ves?

Enddy: No mom, I think you got it.

(She then gives me the guilt trip for not coming and having dinner with her. She convinced me to go over and pick up the food she made for me. As I put the food in the car, she goes around the car and checks the dashboard to see if my car needs water. I catch her and I tell her “Mom I told you there is nothing wrong with the car”. She then leaves and brings me some Radiator fluid and says “you never know”.)

And now the translation, courtesy of Google translate (Enddy offered to translate himself but this is way funnier).

Mom’s are the best, aren’t they?

Originally published at lucidity.tech on May 11, 2018.