TRAVEL: Living Like a Caveman on the Orkney Islands

There’s a trick to harvesting a limpet from any tidal pool. You must choose a flat stone that fits in the hand, but is heavy enough to knock the little tent of a shellfish from its rocky perch. You get one shot at it. Misfiring with your short, violent chop and failing to knock the aquatic snail free into the tidal pool means it hunkers down and will not shift the rest of the day. Miss too often, gather too few, and you’ll go hungry.

That’s the reality of caveman life on Papa Westray — the remote island amidst The Orkneys archipelago off the northern coast of Scotland. For archeologists, the Orkneys are the epicenter for unearthing the secrets of Neolithic humans — the “cavemen” of 5,000 years ago.

Malcom Handoll of the Five Senses guide service offers travelers a chance to experience Neolithic life firsthand, recreating its primitive conditions while teaching the skills necessary to survive. Would-be Flintstones can choose how long the lessons last from a few hours to a couple days. The longer stays require mastery of everything from limpets to foraging to fire.

“Fire was everything for the Neolithic village,” Handoll says while demonstrating the use of a bow, a sea shell and stick to forge sparks in a bed of dried sea weed. “It takes only three hours to die of hypothermia, so the hearth had to be maintained — and the fire transported, shared and protected.”

This fire wasn’t ready to do much of anything yet, so that meant preparing the 21st century palette for raw limpets. The main body — the portion you pry from the shell with a sharpened stick — has the consistency of any raw clam. But, the “foot” that adheres to the rock turns to slimy mush in your mouth like rotten fruit. The whole creature tastes like aging salted rubber, so it’s best to swallow the poor thing whole.

As the gummy lump slides down the throat, it’ll make you wish Papa Westray’s Neolithic types did a little more hunting and a little less gathering.