What Would You Say You Do Here?

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Lula & CO

10 min readDec 15, 2018

CO.Aching Defined: The Very Long Definition for my Coaching Certification

The article was originally published on Dec 15, 2018, on Medium. Parallel published on Linked In. This article was written for my IFC and ADDCA coaching certification. This is the article I point to when I take on a new client. Think of it as a What to Expect [when you hire a Coach].

My short definition of CO.Aching, is Optimizing…everything.

But, for my clients who would like the bigger picture of what that means, or who would love to hear the rationale behind why I cite coaching as CO.Aching, it goes a lot deeper. I re-create the etymology of coaching to better illustrate what a Life Coach does. First a few words about me.

About Me

I am embarking on my (International Federation of Coaches) IFC Certification. [4] A specialty in ADD/ADHD and Executive Processing modalities from the ADD Coach Academy fits well with my background. I have a Masters of Education, (M.Ed.) with a concentration in Developing and facilitating Professional Learning Communities.[6] It also is complementary to my work in Engaging and Motivating Education or stated another way, differentiated (individualized) instruction. As a now 25-year veteran Educator, both in and out of the classroom, I have always sought to empower student learning and focus on educating the whole child, physical, cognitive, and socio-emotional. This is as easily applicable to adults as children; our brains are wired for engagement and validation.

After leaving the workforce for several years to be a full-time Mom and subsequently Graduate Student again, like many, I have now re-entered the workforce and needed to diversify. I am currently pursuing an MLAW in Education Law & Data Security Cyber Law. The foundation for which was found in my Graduate Thesis, Increasing Parental Involvement Through Technology, Marriage or Divorce? (Leverson, 2006). In a nutshell, I believe that through technology we can reach, educate, and engage all of society to create a culture in education and the workplace that is fully inclusive of neurodiversities, ending the learned helplessness that can be a byproduct of our current system. This drive has fit well with the tech startup community.

This project fueled my long-time passion for Education Policy reform and work as a Health Policy advocate, including data privacy and cybersecurity, which was further sparked through my deep research into the Assistive Technology needs of students in an effort to create a structure that optimized their personal learning and cognition while transcending the deficit thought model. A model where the focus is on weaknesses, versus strengths. [7] Something that can be done easily with advocacy or parental/employer education, in this age of technology. My philosophy is simple, I believe in Kennedy’s EggHead model of synergy, always shifting the focus towards highlighting students’, clients’, or colleagues’ strengths. [7],[8].

As my students grew, they routinely would come back to me for guidance. These experiences correlate closely with my former role as Chief Engagement Officer for Chicago Blockchain Project, an incubator of sustainable Blockchain projects focused on creating smart cities that are fully optimized for cross-industry, human growth and development, along with my new role as Director of Presentations at Athena.Trade. I believe Blockchain Technologies and Digital Ledger Technology (DLT), will offer transparency into every industry, especially Coaching and Education, and other professional certifications thereby, symbolically increasing legitimacy to all through vetting, credentialing, and elimination of wasteful processes.

Currently, I spend my time advocating for Blockchain, educating investors, and analyzing projects or coaching entrepreneurs. I love connecting them to others and watching their projects move forward as they develop. Paralleling when I was in the classroom with regards to my former and present students. Continuously, I have gravitated towards an educational advocate role, now digging deeper into Fintech and Cryptocurrency with interest in the Regulatory law to facilitate these ‘game changing’ technologies responsibly with data privacy as a cornerstone, as we eliminate bad actors who pollute the technology landscape, stifle innovation, and stagnate growth.

CO.Aching Defined

That brings us back to the core, what is Co.Aching. Do you not have spell check, you may wonder. Please read this next section, as that spelling was deliberate. Coaching is a partnership of guidance and provoked wonderment. This explains the ‘CO.’ part of my definition. Aching as defined by Merriam Webster as “deep emotional longing.” [1] However, I prefer the Apple Siri definition, below, “feeling intense or wistful sadness; sorrowful: an aching feeling of nostalgia. [2]

Coupled together, the etymology of coaching is a partnership of wonderment to discover what is missing, or what one is wistful for; yet, since we seldom address deficits in Coaching but rather, build on strengths to complement same, the process is re-framed to state the following.

CO.Aching (n.)
A partnership to provoke wonderment and empower one beyond the feelings of nostalgia by optimizing everything through leveraging their unique inherent strengths.

As my beautiful, 11/year-old daughter cites, it means I ask a lot of questions, and in Coaching mode, [never, or only with permission] offer answers.

Coaching is not Consulting

Coaching towards passion and soliciting a life-engagement that has never been experienced prior, can be an abstract task. How do you guide someone to understand that the questions they ask themselves are superficial, without telling them why or sounding like a contrite and pompous know it all?

The answer lies in the ethos of coaching, and my personal belief that I do not have the answers. But rather, my clients do. I only empower them with tools so that they may discover where their answers may be found. [4] This is the narrow line between Coaching and Consulting. While consulting offers a few pearls of advice or suggestions about what has worked within personal experiences, the consultant guides the session. Coaching on the other hand, is an entirely different process. Although questions are imperative to consulting, think of it this way: questions are to consulting, as a differential diagnosis is to medicine, offering a strict set of directions; whereas, questions to CO.Aching are a Choose Your Own Adventure that is initiated, written, and executed by the client.

Not the Fixer

Coaching is a difficult process, especially if you are a fixer, which is where many of those who desire to coach find their motivation. Not to make the world a mini army of themselves, that is egocentric; but rather, to make the world a better place, through their eyes. Yet, success and better, are mere perceptions. These abstract terms are in the eye of the beholder. Coaches do not judge, they listen.

I Don’t Need a Coach; I am Not Broken

Both of these assumptions are false. Let me address them in turn. Whether or not you need a coach is a personal preference. Sometimes, my clients only need a starting point, while other clients may need more time or a longer term coach. Further, it is highly likely that a broken person needs a different level of support. Occasionally, clients need help navigating through all these resource choices, this is another area that I frequently assist my clients with.

I use a Coach. Therefore, while I may be biased, I see an outside opinion of a third party as an imperative in making complicated and rational choices while carefully weighing all stakeholders, the definition of being an adult. In this instance, a coach can guide you to simple questions in a confidential manner, as you desire. Such as highlighting, what if you didn’t? When the client says, “Hmm. I do not know,” that more often than not, triggers more thought, which may or may not be needed. It is up to the discretion of the client, not coach. This addresses the first half of the statement. Now, on to the second, our clients are not broken in any respect. They are simply in search of more, or unaware of their inherent strengths and how to leverage them to achieve their goals. Coaches offer tools such as open-ended questions, which may reveal blind spots in thinking. I pose this rhetorical question, If you use a rearview mirror to gain insight, are you broken? Let us hope not. This point is fundamental and must be highlighted. Coaches do not have the answers, only the client does, and this statement is both the beauty and curse of coaching. To better illustrate this facet of coaching. I will apply this to two of my favorite subjects, Seinfeld, and baseball.

The Forest, Not the Trees- Perspectives

One of the best tools I offer my clients is the power of perspective via reflection, re-framing, and re-purposing various life events through an alternate lens that assists them in looking for strengths to nurture and capitalize on previous efforts thereof. This is best illustrated in an article I read today [10]

There is a story about an exchange between Jerry Seinfeld and a young comedian. The comedian approaches Seinfeld in a club one night and asks him for advice about marketing and getting exposure.

Your Work Is the Only Thing That Matters

Forget about everything else

medium.com

Continuing on with the lesson from Seinfeld, it becomes clear,

“Just work on your act.”

The author muses about various times in his life when he looked for the quick fix or ‘hack.’ When in actuality, all the while the answer was to keep working on his own act. We can generalize this to look inside yourself. No one has the answers only you. But many seek the quick fix, the innocuous pill that will surely make us successful. He continues by citing that,

“Because if that were even remotely true, we wouldn’t be drowning in so much mediocrity — if not outright garbage. The reason it’s not true is that nobody… pursuing an artistic career, wants to hear what sits at the core of Seinfeld’s advice: Your work isn’t good enough. Keep your head down. You still have a long way to go.” [10]

But, it just is not that easy to look inside oneself, nor to face the fact that you are not there, YET. The author continues with his strategy, which is called imagery. The neuroscience thereof is found in the function of the Ascending Reticular Activating System (ARAS). [11] His solution at first glance is simple, but, there is also a great reflection into his own evolution lurking within that statement.

About a year ago, my mind began to construct this recurring moving image that would play on a loop whenever I was working on a book or a particularly difficult article. I’d close my eyes, think about the project, and there it would be. The image is of an unidentifiable baseball player at the plate…[10]

This first description is superficial. At first glance, it appears as if this is a simple strategy, until, he dives in much deeper.

I don’t see where the ball goes, whether it was a base hit or a grand slam. I suspect earlier in my career, I would have cared about the outcome. I would have cared about who the player was and what team he played for. I would have needed to know whether the ball went foul or found a fielder’s mitt or cleared the upper deck. But as I have gotten better as a writer, paradoxically, it doesn’t even occur to me that such a thing would matter. [10]

I apply this generally to the way that when we tend to focus on details of what may go wrong via rumination or perseverate excessively upon the negative events or our choices that did not work out as well as we had hoped, we tend to lose sight of the big picture. Understanding the difference between analysis and rumination both comes with experience, or practice and also can be achieved with the assistance of a Co.Ach, (as the client is able and willing.)

As the writer has matured, and through the help of this tool, we see his transition of perspective in that he focuses on himself, not on what did or did not hinder his effort. When I demonstrate this, I purposely do not use myself. Because we are our own worst critic. I use a third party, an article to illustrate this transition. Then, I follow it with open-ended questions.

This is a great example to describe both the hyperfocus aspect in the short term when everything for those with ADD melts away and the long term ability to reflect objectively, the ability that generally comes as a function of time or through the help of a Co.Ach. Without which, rumination frequently may overtake your thoughts as described below,

“If you cease practicing for a second, if you let your mind get wound too tight or simply allowed to drift elsewhere, you will lose that ability. Your bat will stop connecting with the ball, your batting average will drop and soon enough you yourself will be dropped, first from the majors and then the sport altogether.” [10]

But, if you stay the course and focus on the larger picture by concentrating on your act, you will see the power within yourself resided there all along. Tools such as these are what coaches offer, they are not magic, they are just lying in your hat often overlooked. These tools parallel Dumbo’s feather, in the famed tale of Dumbo the Flying Elephant. In short, coaches bring your inner values and outer actions into focus. Allowing you to be harmoniously empowered.

When a business is perfectly lined up with the needs of the market.
When a song taps into some wave of emotion you didn’t know was there.
When a painting or a poem shoves you in your solar plexus.
When an article touches on some truth about the world that needed to be said. [10]

These are the signs, the tangible evidence that demonstrates you have transcended the negative or fearful thoughts that stopped you from living genuinely. But, you crushed that by maintaining focus on your inner strength and conquering your present issue through empowerment. In other words, you have achieved optimization.

“We need to forget about tertiary concerns and stop fiddling with shit that doesn’t matter…We need to keep our eye on the ball…Nothing else is of any consequence” [10].

I believe that Baseball analogies, 90’s rap references, Music Lyrics, Sex, and the City, Seinfeld, Office Space, and Disney can explain 90% of this world. The other 10% is still up for interpretation. Interested in learning more? Click here.