Stop “networking”, do this instead
If you are an entrepreneur or freelancer (or are thinking about finally leaving your corporate job, so you can become one), you have probably thought that you need to “network”.
You go to a party or event, and depending on your character, you are either awkwardly trying to make small talk with people, give everyone your pitch, or flutter around the room capturing contacts and scanning LinkedIn QR codes.
I have always hated the idea of “networking”. It felt cheap to try and “sell myself” to a bunch of strangers in the room, most of whom would probably not be a fit for me anyway.
Some of my colleagues actually systematically “work the room” when they go to an event, measuring the success of an event by how many business contacts or LinkedIn connections they collected.
But to what end?
Both, my own trepidation and “working the room” actually come from a questionable perspective in the first place — a very egotistical one at that. Feeling like “you need to network” and “it’s hard to meet the right people” is driven by fear and scarcity thinking, rather than allowing a flow of abundance of connections. Only counting the quantity on the other end of the spectrum, is more about stroking your ego, too.
It’s community, stupid!
What helped me overcome my issues around meeting people, was to let go of “network”, and instead focus on meaningful connections — focus on community.
Your community enables you to be who you came here to be.
Community has two dimensions: people you can support, and people who can support you in supporting more people.
Who you can support
Your primary community is the people who you can benefit.
If you create value for others, you create a bond of belonging.
Even if they don’t even know about it. It’s not about a tit for tat. A give to get.
You are life. Everything that is alive creates more value than it consumes.
If you want to feel alive, give yourself fully. See what brings you joy, what you are good at, and find others who can benefit from that.
This could be anyone at the party or event, or a stranger you meet by chance.
So be curious. Curious about others.
Start with learning about them. They might be absolutely not for you. That is okay. You just learned about someone, their world, their perspective. Learning about life is reward in itself. Curiosity shifts you from a scarcity to an abundance mindset. Diversity of perspectives provides a more dimensional, fuller, and richer picture of reality.
You have also just given someone the gift of attention. Acknowledge them for whatever you can find about them that stood out for you, and move on. Acknowledging them before you move on adds to the gift of attention you have just already given them. It shows you have been paying attention and adds just enough extra so that you can leave gracefully, without them feeling like they now need to return the favor (or talk your ear off for the rest of the evening).
Then, of course, they might be TOTALLY your type.
Don’t jump on it. Hold it. Wait for them to come to you.
Keep learning about them, keep asking meaningful questions. They will figure out themselves that you know something that might be helpful to them by the questions you ask. Let them discover you and what you can offer. Show them, don’t tell them.
If there is a mutual connect, you have established the opportunity for a value exchange. Make sure you make clear that this is what you do. That you do that for a living, and you would be happy to support them with their work. Exchange info and move on (you don’t want to start your engagement right then and there and spend the rest of the evening providing free advice).
Who can support you?
The second kind of community are the people who can support you.
The first step here is to be clear about who could actually support you.
Not just “I need a bookkeeper”, but be as specific as you can be: Be clear about how often you work together, how you work together, how you want to feel when you are working with them, how you feel after you encountered them.
If you are an entrepreneur and hustling, don’t just look for “an investor” — be clear what kind of investment opportunity you are really presenting, and to whom that opportunity would be of interest. The more you know about your ideal person, the better.
The clearer you are, the sooner that person will show up in your life.
And they will show up. You can increase the probabilities, e.g. go to events where there might be a few of those hanging out. You can ask your existing community for support — with whatever detail you feel comfortable sharing — , or, of course, actively search for them and approach them with a clear ask.
Whatever you do, keep building community
Slowly build yourself a trusted network of people you can support, and key supporters for you in your life.
None of us can do this alone.
We all need each other to be the best versions of ourselves.
Surround yourself with people who inspire you and hold you accountable to be your best self.
This is your life, so forget “networking” and start building your community.
The future belongs to those who create it. That is why I work with change leaders and their teams to create future-ready cultures and organizations…. Through my work with LUMAN and other projects, I provide frameworks, operating metaphors and tools to support leaders around the world in their individual evolution and in growing their capacity to create future in their teams and organizations. I have worked with startups, NGOs and with global brands in a variety of industries around the world. More at http://philiphorvath.com.
