Ambition Without Direction

is a terrible thing and I’ll say as much

I think finishing a project can leave a bit of a void where it was. Maybe for some deeply held subconscious belief that’s why I refuse to put my work in progress to rest.

It’s this racing feeling with nowhere to race to. The want to do something great rather than the want to do something specific.

It’s an unpleasant yet addicting feeling.

Ambition is so addictive. The wanting to do something combined with the payoff of doing something. That’s all addiction is anyway, right? The dopaminergic system? Craving, action, payoff. But it’s all in the craving. addiction doesn’t have to be any good, just ask a smoker.

How we love and hate craving.

Craving with no payoff. I think that’s what turns people into evil henchmen.

Maybe I’ve just consumed more “A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor” in the past 24 hours than is advisable (I did devour the book in a day, it’s a very good read). Yet I can feel why Theranos existed. Humans like power, status, and riches but they also like ambition, achievement, and recognition.

The people at the bottom of the pyramid were promised a trip to the top.

And even the promise to be a cog in a great machine is enough. I might just take it.

I’m not talking about “We’re a family here at [massive company x]” I’m talking about “We’re going to turn industry [x] on it’s head here at startup [y]”

I like to think I’m a smart enough person, optimistic, not excessively naive but if Theranos’ hayday was today and Elizabeth Holmes walked up to me with a pitch I would have taken it hook line and sinker. I might have bitten the pole too just for good measure.

You really think you wouldn’t have fallen for it?

“One Tiny Drop Changes EVERYTHING”

Forbes did.

Maybe I’m just the weird one but I think most people want to work they just don’t want to work without a reason. Most people are happy to clean their own room on their own time but hate being told to do it. Most people will work on hobbies or passion projects for hours. Most people work a job so they can, you know, live.

So many places promise you can be part of something great and I think that desire can outweigh the desire to do something great for many. I’m not exempt from that.

I hate to say it but I fear mediocrity. I see potential and I want to see it lived up to. I fear wherever it is that dreams go to die.

(For what its worth I have infinitely more respect for the McDonalds crew members who paint in their free time then c-suit executives who miss their sons baseball game and drink themselves into a stupor)

So I fill the void with media and when I can production rather than consumption. If you have a better coping mechanism than that I’d love to hear it.

When I have a direction its often not something traditional and socially acceptable. I don’t want to become a doctor to heal the sick or a lawer to exonerate the innocent. I want to create things and I want to fix things.

Whenever you say you want to be a Writer or a YouTuber or help fix climate change the silence of others speaks volumes.

So if anyone’s trying to start the next world changing company cast out a line. I very well might bite.