Hipistical HitLits 06–2023
Charlie and The Chocolate Factory is really the book out of all Children’s books that gets the most twisted. Not just reversed like The Christmas Carol where people sneer that Scrooge will go broke in 5 years, but really twisted up and round and round where what the book says is good is obviously bad and what the book deems accidental must be part of a sinister plan.
Really, there is a worldwide feeling that something is deeply wrong with Wonka and the world he inhabits on many different levels, circling ever downward towards the Devil that surely conspired with Dahl to write the book.
Pretty much everyone explaining the plot ‘badly’ of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory explain it the same way — Wonka is a killer, potential pervert, a slaver and so forth.
And in fact in earlier editions of the book Wonka was pretty close to a slaver, if not 100% one (I weasel here in vain attempt to not have endless arguments as to how much of a slaver Wonka was)
Besides the unreasonable wage and inhumane treatment, Oompa Loompas were Wonka’s test subjects for new inventions. Although the film showed “Whips — All Shapes and Sizes” as cows being whipped to produce cream, the rooms could have been another indication of the chocolatier’s full ownership of Oompa Loompas. Wonka believed that he had “rescued” them from the dangerous jungles, deadly diseases and starvation, expressing a pro-slavery sentiment that echoed the “positive good” defense of the Atlantic Slave Trade.
But even aside from the corruption that lies beneath the comical ringmaster costume of Wonka — there are other issues that have provided a great deal of ammunition over the years — for example the fact that Grandpa Joe, ostensibly a hero, is a jerk and scumbag.
In fact I would say this is pretty much the canonical interpretation nowadays, the innocent version has been subsumed by the cynical one, hence ChatGPT, asked to write a review of the book, provides a variant of this common and generally acerbic take down.
— AGENT 77
Damn, I was so jealous of The Spirit, he lived in a graveyard and got to beat people up all the time for Justice. Also he got laid, even though that was third on my list of priorities, which perhaps explains some things in in my life.
Living in the graveyard was always an interest of mine because it was assumed that you would be able to live in a nice mausoleum with plenty of elbow room, obviously you wouldn’t need to worry about paying rent or property taxes, it would be cool and mysterious, it would save on heating bills, and in the hot summer evenings you could probably open up the tomb and grill some hot dogs in the still of the evening and make out with cute goth girls who came to check out your pad
— AGENT 88
I liked the movie but not enough to ever feel the need to watch it again. Strange for Ealing. Somehow I think Guinness was too much here, joking aside. I’ve heard it argued as the best Alec Guinness movie (I’m sure a lot of people reached for their light sabers when they read this) but actually of the Ealing comedies I always preferred the following
Of course, Kind Hearts and Coronets is also good and look — some of them rather resemble people we know
— AGENT 77
I’ve never really cared much for Satan which I blame on the Satanists I’ve met who do not sell their religion very well. Generally they are all terrible whiners who have turned to Satan to get back at society, as if society gives a shit!
Probably society cares a bit, but only because society is like a screechy kid that’s scared of spiders, and Satanists are the most popular spider to be scared of, but it’s a very little bit — enough to pick the Satanists up at the edge of a magazine and trembling carry them into the bathroom to flush down the toilet.
Sympathy for the Devil is The Rolling Stones’ big devil song which in conjunction with Jumping Jack Flash made them the scariest rock and roll baddies of the 1960s. Scarier even then Jimi Hendrix and he was a black guy who slept with white women, used the word voodoo, and set fire to a guitar!
I must admit the Satan of this song is really a good match for the Satanists I know. What a prissy little jerk, with his threats. Now as it happens I have met the Devil, and he is exactly like this, and if you don’t want to take my word for it I would refer you to Enoch Soames: A Memory of the Eighteen-Nineties which was written by Max Beerbohm which guest stars this same devil.
Some people might conclude that Mick Jagger was familiar with the Beerbohm story and hence the similarities but I think Occam’s razor instead imply The Rolling Stones have had some request from his Satanic Majesty.
Despite their associations with that dickhead Satan The Rolling Stones spent a number of years being my go-to band, even more than The Clash, but then their ability to last through everything started to wear on me.
I got worn out, they kept on going. That’s not fair. After a while hanging on and touring as the last great icon of an aging generation starts to seem perverse, and even if perversity seems very on brand for them I have my limits.
Mick Jagger once told Q Magazine
No-one should care if the Rolling Stones have broken up, should they? I mean, when the Beatles broke up I couldn’t give a s**t. Thought it was a very good idea.
— AGENT 18
It seems strange to say The Stones are continuing when Watts is dead, but I suppose a corporation is bigger than any individual shareholder — maybe it shouldn’t be thought of as a corporation, but a Tontine.
My favorite Rolling Stones story is one about Charlie, somewhat apocryphal, the band had played a show in Boston and were relaxing back at the hotel when Charlie gets a call up in his hotel room. It’s Mick who is extremely drunk and yelling on the other line “Where’s Charlie, Where’s my Fucking Drummer”
So Charlie hangs up, gets dressed, a nice three piece suit, tie, he shines his brown shoes so they’re sparkling and he goes down to the bar to Mick. When he sees him he goes up to Mick, hops on his back and starts whipping his backside and basically rides Mick all around downtown Boston shouting “The British are coming, The British are coming!”
That’s the story I heard. Don’t know if it’s true but I like to think it is.
— AGENT 19
They’re gone and probably never coming back
Who were they, if you don’t know it’s sort of weird to find out now. I guess I am rather sad about it, but I do have my own barrel of guns in the oven, so I can’t cry about it just now.
— AGENT 77
Wicked Wilson Pickett was a bad motherfucker, and a Titan of American Soul, there were two men who could beat him in his prime, James Brown and the fellow standing there to his left. Little Richard could beat anyone.
The difference between Little Richard and Pickett is that Richard quit and dedicated himself to God, which is the definition of a crazy genius — especially when money is on the line.
The other difference is that Richard did the eulogy at Pickett’s funeral because most everyone else was too scared, Pickett died at the beginning of 2006, James Brown at the end, Little Richard in 2020 — Death wasn’t afraid of taking Richard, of course not — what a slander! Death was just very busy with his gardening and anyway whenever he looked over Richard’s way the light shining off of him hurt Death’s eyes so much that he had to have a lie down and rest.
Heck, Little Richard might still be alive today if God hadn’t gotten mad at Death for taking so long, as God was looking to fill out his house band with a piano player. This is why I’m an agnostic.
— AGENT 99
I don’t really have anything else to say here I didn’t already say in
so I will just quote the. ranking I did there
4. Elvis Presley — Little Richard — Buddy Holly
If you put those three together into one artist that hypothetical superstar would be taking the number 1 spot and pushing Berry and The Beatles down.
In the Metafilter post where I first encountered Wyman’s listicle someone argued that Elvis should come first. He does sometimes comes first in these lists but here are the arguments against
1. For a lot of people after the 60s Presley was nothing but a cautionary tale. Thus he was probably not very influential on anyone important after about 67.
2. The top in any field is generally held by people of great natural ability and unbelievably strong work ethics, Elvis had great natural ability but was lazy and quite willing to rest on his laurels. He would never be the absolute top at anything (for a long range of time at any rate)
3. Elvis famously got his break because Sam Phillips the owner of Sun Studio thinks he can get rich if he found a white guy that sounded like a black guy — if that is the premise it seems unlikely that said white guy would be higher ranked than the black guys he sounded like. (influence wise)
4. Elvis did not write his own songs and so forth — lots of people make this argument — but really even when he was a major artist his competitors were writing their own songs (Little Richard, Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly) and when the Beatles came along it became almost a requirement for Rock and Roll credibility.
— AGENT 19
I don’t really have a lot to say about this movie, it was pretty forgettable except Don Ameche was in it
You can read story about how Don Ameche got found by John Landis for Trading Places
That story is why I’m willing to write John Landis’ name without swear words prefixed.
As far as I know Don Ameche was a nice guy and I don’t want to be surprised with any info to the contrary. It just makes me happy that he got brought back by someone who respected his work, and then he was here in Cocoon — for which he won best supporting actor. Maybe it was a feel-good award, but it still feels good decades after.
So that’s why, even though I don’t really want to watch Cocoon again, I appreciate its existence.
— AGENT 6
This article tracks recent developments on the Illuminati Ganga Twitter account, with extra exposition for Illuminati Ganga Agents 77, 88 , 18, 19, 99, and 6.
Curation and Editorial work was done by IG Agent 86.
The Playlist for this article is
OTHER RESOURCES
As you will no doubt have noticed we reference tweets from the following people who are not members of Illuminati Ganga — check them out
Author Brandon J. Morehouse
C.S. Hughes
Note: Deutschland Uber Alles — used in Spirit Movie about stand up guy who knocks down Nazis but otherwise was not as good as it should have been — watch The Rocketeer! Or Captain America: The First Avenger.
Context is important before you soapbox.
Other Articles of Interest in relation to the Agents involved in this article
Agent 88 would like to get high, but his only available source was a party he went to last year:
Agent 77 cleans up dead skinheads and perverts from a party
Agent 18 helps out with music recommendations across the Multiverse and talks too much
Agent 19 helps explain why Bill Wyman is wrong, wrong, wrong and morality does not matter in Rock and Roll
Agent 99 has to save reality all on his own as usual and isn’t a big diva about it or anything
Agent 6 was the primary author of the The Vaults of Fug
