I Dated Madame Satan!
The Log of IG Agent 88
I was just thinking — what would be funny is if Agent 86 put a picture of a big turd in a truck stop toilet in Sarasota here for the splash page of this entry.
Splash page. hah!
Anyway, I’m in Sarasota now. The Flight got here OK. I was pretty stoned the whole time, as detailed in this fragment from the previous log entry
You have to scroll down a bit, it starts out with some stupid crap about a guy who held off the whole Persian army from using the toilet in a cafe at the gates of hell. My story about killing my buddy Fortunato was lots better!
So I get out the Sarasota airport and as I’m heading for the taxi a little poster comes blown along the ground up against my ankles.
And that naturally reminded me of that time I met what may have been the love of my life, dated her, and lost her out of my own foolish pride.
I’m talking of course about Madame Satan!
I know you’re thinking — she’s bad, because she has a cigarette and her name is Madame Satan.
Well in the words of my personal friend — Bill Fakespeare
What’s in a name,
Letters — that’s what
BAM
It’s over, Talk to the hand loser!
And as for the cigarette that wasn’t just any cigarette she was smoking.
You see Madame Satan is a very important member of Illuminati Ganga, I’ll let you know who later — this here is like the part of the story where you build up anticipation for the big reveal so that’s what I’m doing.
No, this cigarette was special. It was one of a set of cigarettes specially rolled by IG Agent 777 who was some sort of crazy scientist working on a secret project hidden somewhere beneath the city of Naples — Naples, Italy that is (not the one in Florida), any way he had poured some concentrated dream stuff onto the tobacco of those cigarettes, and when you smoked them — man, things got trippy.
So you see, she wasn’t bad because she smoked or because of her name. She was bad because of the wickedness of her mind, and the deep devious plans she had for world domination.
We met when I was 19, she was an older woman — more experienced. I was young dumb and full of expletive deleted, I’d just been given my first assignment as an assassin in Illuminati Ganga
Under the tutelage of IG Agent 1012 — the deadly Orth Mugong
Orth was only 29 years old and the time but looked a bit older because of his size, and whenever he was reminiscing about the music that was hip just a few years before or girls that he used to date I would think “Damn, I hope I die before I’m that old”
And now that I’m 28 years old it doesn’t seem so bad, definitely not as bad and out of touch with things as 40 or whatever age that grumpy old Agent 77 is. I mean his skin is wrinkled. That is not a cool look.
But when I was 19 I had a cool look, so it was natural we would meet. Me, a cool young assassin, her a hot nightclub starlet who was doing her Masters on Memetics at Stanford.
The first night we met, we had sex in the club in one of the secluded alcoves in the back. The security guard came back to let us know the cops were in the place looking for lewd behavior. She was extremely miffed, nobody likes to find out they’ve been working at a place too cheap to properly bribe the cops.
I still remember the song playing was Streamers, by Wave Racer, that was my jam. That was our song.
We were pretty much inseparable after that, two hot young things attached at the genitalia.
But my work was driving us apart, I had to drop Orth into a vat of acid at the Illuminati Ganga LSD manufacturing factory hidden underneath Keanu Reeves house, he was protecting the then current director of Illuminati Ganga American West Regional Headquarters who I had a kill order on.
It turned out someone had infiltrated the communications chain and the kill order was fake. I thought something was fishy, but I didn’t follow up on it because if it turned out I was wrong it would look really bad, that’s what I mean about being too proud. If you’ve been told to kill someone and something feels wrong, follow up on that.
I nearly would have been dropped into something much less pleasant than acid myself, but Madame Satan actually showed through Memetics the manipulated message indicated transmission through a 4 step interlay.
So I was reprieved, when I came out of the great tribunal hall of Illuminati Ganga that is in the nexus of Realities between the 12 Possible San Franciscos of the American Multiverse I ran to embrace her
But she was as cold as the voice of the chief justice of the Tribunal when he called me a young idiot and hoped that at some point in the future I’d wise up. Well the future is now and I guess I know enough that no matter how much you love someone and how well your bodies mesh up sometimes that ain’t enough.
And she said to me that we must never be together again, and then kissed me goodbye on my cheek.
And then a couple years later — here I am still a criminal and assassin working in Illuminati Ganga’s criminal division, and now for some reason here in past times Sarasota to guard Agent 9 when he shows up, and she’s the new Director of Illuminati Ganga American West Regional Headquarters, which I always knew she would be a mega-success like that.
And that’s the big reveal, not only did I date the hot Madame Satan
But she turned out to be the super smart future boss of me, Agent 81!
The Preceding article was taken from the log of Agent 88.
A playlist has been made for it by the Hitmagist group of IG Agents
