When the Going Gets Surreal, Illuminati Ganga Goes SupaReal
Who the fuck cares?!? Look, If I had a $1000 for every time I’ve ended up in a surreal landscape, killed someone (the first person I meet, yeah my target — the one I’m there for in the first place!?) and then team up with some badasses to kill a whole team of motherfuckers and paint the streams red with blood, then I would be a professional assassin — and since I am a professional assassin, guess what? I do have a $1000 for every time that happens.
But did Dorothy Gale? No she didn’t because she was a dumb kid who accidentally killed someone and stole their magic item. she was basically a lucky NPC in a D&D game.
That’s some cool pictures there, I like how Darth Vader was the Tin man. Anyhow this is exactly basically kind of what happened to me when I got to Sarasota — you probably need to be reminded but I went there originally to keep track of Agent 9 when he flipped his wig watching that stupid movie about the Football playing Turkey
Well later on when I borrowed Agent 99’s Time Machine to go back to that same party where we watched that stupid movie to score some drugs
Agent 77 caught me, hooked me up with some killer weed, and sent me off to Sarasota
This is where I do a quote thingee so you know I’m not just making shit up
So I get out the Sarasota airport and as I’m heading for the taxi a little poster comes blown along the ground up against my ankles.
So there I was in Sarasota, and because of the timey-wimeyness of things I was there before Agent 9. I had a feeling he would show up in a couple days, when you run out of a showing of a goofy movie high on shrooms and shouting about how the movie is evil you’re not very likely to be traveling with the utmost precision. I knew he was going to end up here and I was going to watch him but I figured I had some free time.
So, like any guy who once had a super hot affair with a sexy young thing called Madame Satan, when a Satanic Temple pamphlet blew across my path I decided to follow it back to the source and see what might be the result.
I followed the directions written on the back of the pamphlet in handwriting I thought looked familiar, it was like if I was the kind of person who ever paid attention to handwriting I felt like I would know whose handwriting that was but it just was barely outside my mind because, unfortunately, I’m not the kind of guy who pays attention to handwriting. But anyway the direction took me to some rich guy’s house out on Casey Key. Nice place, I bet whoever lives here is a real mellow dude, I said.
Casey Key is a great little bit of rich people land, jutting from a town named Nokomis which is like totally not a name of hidden import to the society of Illuminati Ganga or anything.
In Nokomis I learned there was going to be some sort of Masque, which is a fancy word rich people word for wearing costumes like from that stupid Tom Cruise / Nicole Kidman movie made by that one guy who did that scary movie in a hotel with Jack Nicholson what the fuck was it called oh man, it wasn’t Scream or Bad Hotel — but it was something like that.
So I got myself all duded up for the Masque — anyway I can see I’m going way over my time here — just I’m gonna say — That was a way wicked party man, and I swear, these two girls there — SPROING!
I’ll tell you more about it some time, but right now I gotta take a nap, and rest my body.
Hey — just to prove I’m telling the truth, I got some pictures of my time there
From The Logbooks found in Sarasota.
— Agent 88
The following was originally a tweet, but as you know embedding tweets doesn’t really work more than 75% of the time.
Yep that’s me, A guy who decided to conquer Germany using nothing but a flag and a big heaping bowl of Chutzpah.
Yeah, maybe it was also sort of a joke. Meant to take the Germans down a bit. Let’s just say Germans have killed an awful lot of my family over the last 100 years and I thought it might at least be funny to make them look like idiots and have a laugh or two.
So I said to some of the top guys and gals at Illuminati Ganga — hey I’m gonna make a little project to have some fun. And they said — go for it.
So I arranged for a suitably impressive vehicle
That looked even better with flags attached
And I went driving around Germany, exactly as i said, driving into cities and giving them ridiculous names that they rather deserved.
The only one that stuck was Munchkinland. That place is pretty sweet, and it bears the name I gave it. hah hhah hah
Anyway, some cool stuff you might see in and around Munchkinland
— IG Agent 40
As many of you probably know I’ve been tracking products that Illuminati Ganga is producing in various industries
But the following really stands by itself — behold the Ethereal Bodylesser — a tool that allows you to keep the upper part of your body alive for at least several hundred years.
— IG Agent 77
This article has had a playlist provided for it by the Agents at the Hitmagist
OTHER RESOURCES
As you will no doubt have noticed we reference tweets from the following people who are not members of Illuminati Ganga — check them out
Papa Woof Und Krampus
Eclectic creature of the night, loves cooking, horror & spending time with those it loves. Enjoying life and making the best of it.
https://twitter.com/woofknight
Ammyham @ Feeling freaky
This person is up and farting
https://twitter.com/terminalmemory
UH-OH Account no longer exists!! This is what happens when one farts too much!
Helen Hensell
Writer, Social Media Manager, Mom of 2, and lover of all things positive
Other Articles of Interest
And Maybe A Movie (not available in some regions):
The SARAGOSA MANUSCRIPT Polish Language, English subtitles
