How to talk to children about coronavirus

As COVID-19 continues to evolve, parents are left wondering, “What do we tell the kids?” A registered psychologist weighs in.

By Emily Gilbert

The situation around COVID-19 is rapidly evolving. Content in this article is as of the date posted and may be subject to change.

COVID-19 has brought up many questions for which experts are still trying to find answers. For parents with younger children, it may be difficult to know what to tell them. You may feel that you want to be honest when they ask questions. At the same time, you may also be concerned with not wanting to scare them.

It’s safe to say that many children will have already heard of the virus. Valérie Legendre, a registered psychologist, says don’t try to protect them by avoiding the subject altogether if they ask.

So, how do you navigate the big topic with the little ones? Here are Legendre’s tips for creating an informative and reassuring dialogue:

Adjust the explanation you give depending on your child’s age

“What you tell a 5 year old may be very different to what you tell a 10 year old,” Legendre notes. “Kids have different comprehension abilities depending on their age.

“Separate your time and chat with kids individually,” she says. This way, you can avoid one child asking questions that another may be too young to handle.

Answer the question they ask, but don’t go into detail

According to Legendre, one of the most important things to remember when talking to kids is to just answer the question they asked. Don’t go into more details than you need to.

“Just give them the information they need to know,” Legendre says. “Answer their question clearly, but without going into too much detail that they don’t need to know. Kids are curious, they will ask more if they need to know more but respect their own rhythm. It’s a continuous process.”

Clarify that they understand your explanation

Legendre says it’s important to check in with your child after explaining something to them. Make sure that they interpreted your explanation in the way you intended.

“Ask something like ‘What did you understand of what I just explained to you?’ or ‘What does that mean to you?’ This can really help,” she explains.

“Sometimes as adults, we think we’ve explained something well. But it may not be perceived by a child in the way we intended. Check in after explaining something to your child. Make sure that they are digesting the information the way you want them to.”

Remember that it’s okay if you don’t have all the answers

COVID-19 is a situation that is changing every day. Legendre emphasized that it’s okay not to have all the information when talking about it with your kids.

“Parents shouldn’t feel like they have to know everything,” Legendre says. “Explain to your child that it’s an exceptional situation. Tell them we’re getting information every day, but trust that as parents, we will keep you informed.”

They might have a specific question that you aren’t sure of the answer to. Legendre suggests reassuring them by saying that you will find out and come back to them with the information if it’s available.

“One thing you may consider is explaining to your child that you don’t know the answer right now. But that there are lots of doctors and scientists working on it trying to find those answers.”

Keep an eye on their news intake

Another tip that Legendre shared: keep an eye on where and how your kids are consuming news.

“Limiting exposure to continuous news networks or disaster images can help,” she says. “These images can induce fear in kids and may provoke questions without digestible explanations.”

She recommends keeping an eye not just on the TV, but on iPads and other devices your kids use.

Be aware of your kids’ presence when talking amongst adults

Maybe the kids are playing in their room, distracted. It may seem like a good time to talk to your partner openly about coronavirus.

Legendre says before launching in to adult conversation about the virus, check there aren’t any little eavesdroppers nearby.

“We’re in a closed environment where everyone is learning to live together in a different way,” Legendre notes. “Be aware of your kids’ presence before talking amongst adults about the virus. It’s possible that they may be playing, but still potentially listening.”

Other things that may help navigate this time with children

It’s a different kind of normal for most families right now. In our conversation, Legendre shared some additional tips that may be useful for parents.

Check in and help them take action

Sometimes it may be hard to tell if your child is anxious. Legendre says it’s important to check in with them regularly.

“Try not to play down their concerns,” she says. “At the same time, remember to only answer questions they have asked.”

One way to help kids may be to empower them with ways that they can take action right now.

“When a child feels like they can have an impact on the solution, their anxiety may decrease,” Legendre says.

Some ways to do this may include:

• Encourage them to wash their hands. Pick different songs that they can sing (in addition to Happy Birthday) while they do it. Turning it into a game may make a routine task more fun
• Try some reinforcement activities, like stickers or stars for washing hands before every meal
• Explain why they can’t see their friends right now. But show them how they can connect by setting up video chats
• When limiting contact with grandparents, explain why. Let them know they are helping keep grandma and grandpa safe
• Get them to draw a list of things they think they can do to stay healthy
• Involve them in household jobs or activities so that they feel they are contributing

Make a routine and stick to it as best you can

Even though there’s no school, Legendre says repetition in a routine is important for children.

“They will recognize the repeating schedule from day to day, and this is reassuring,” she says.

She recommends trying to strike a balance during the day. Create time for intellectual stimulation, physical activities, free play and time needed for hygiene and meals.

She also knows in this new normal, creating perfect routines may be easier said than done.

“These are unusual times,” she says. “Everyone needs to find their own routine that works best for your family.”

The most important thing when it comes to routine building, she says, is consistency. It doesn’t matter what activities happen at what time, so much as it does that the routine is pretty much the same every day. She says when your child goes to bed at night, they should know essentially what’s happening the next day.

And even though you’re all together and there’s no school, it isn’t a holiday.

“Your day-to-day is different now, but make sure the kids know it’s not vacation time. Keep approximately the same bed time and the same time for getting up in the morning,” she says. “Then schedule other activities for the day in the way that works best for you and your kids.”

Don’t hesitate to ask for help

Even though many people are physically distancing these days, it’s still possible to seek help in different ways.

“Don’t hesitate to call on qualified professionals,” Legendre says. “Several psychologists have adapted their services and offer virtual or telephone consultations for parents.”

Check out our Stress and Anxiety Explorer for ways to connect with a counsellor by phone or text. In the coming days Lumino Health will feature which psychologists have the option to book virtual appointments as well.

“Also, don’t hesitate to connect with other parents and co-workers that are struggling with the same thing,” Legendre says. “You may get support and strategies you hadn’t thought of on your own.”

“Sometimes it feels like you’re all alone, but you’re not. Knowing other people are experiencing the same thing as you are can be so helpful.”

The #1 takeaway: Do your best and don’t be too hard on yourself

We asked Legendre what the most important thing was that parents should remember after reading this article.

“We need to be flexible and realistic when it comes to our kids’ routine and our own work day,” she says. “It’s a bit idealistic to think we will be able to do the regular 9:00–5:00 with kids at home and be just as productive as if we were in the office.”

We chatted about the challenges of the performance-based nature of work culture today. Legendre reflected on how this is especially challenging for parents in the situation we’re all in right now.

“My advice to parents? Do your best,” she emphasizes. “Be open to adapting your routine with this ever-changing situation, but go easy on yourself too. Don’t expect to be as productive as you would if you were in the office. If you put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect, you’re more likely to struggle with stress. Remember — it’s okay to make mistakes. We are in a continuous adaptation process.”

Originally published on Lumino Health