Coaaching Deserves Two A’s
How the twelve-step program of AA is helping me to be a better servant leader
My name is David and I’m an alcoholic. It still feels strange when I say, or type, those words. Although, just nine months into my recovery I am still relatively new to the program to be fair. Yet the act of saying those eight words has already gone from feeling like I’m admitting that I took a shit on your rug, to a more humble act of vulnerability and honesty.
The AA program has transformed my life (don’t worry I’m not here on a recruitment drive — if you’re reading this with a glass of wine in hand please do carry on as you are) and in the process is helping me to transform how I coach the teams I work with. Luminus wisely likes to keep its articles short so I will pull out one of the key themes to briefly explain how…if this article isn’t a total turkey then maybe I’ll write more on the subject at a later date!
Humility
I have come to understand that in dealing with other fellow humans I have always lacked true humility. Humility can be defined as “freedom from pride or arrogance”. Other definitions are available, but for this article that one works nicely. On reflection, I have always struggled immensely with pride. Although I was not often outwardly arrogant (I’m smarter than that, people!) I was somewhat arrogant within my own internal dialogue; “I deserve blah-blah-blah”, “I’m better than so-and-so at yadda-yadda”, “These guys would be fucked without me!”, and so on.
As the British author C.S Lewis brilliantly said:
True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.
The program teaches us a lot about self-centered thinking (which can take many, many forms) and I’ve come to realize that when we stop thinking about ourselves, we get out of our own way…we listen more, we are more open and more thoughtful about people and things other than ourselves.
It sounds so simple, so obvious, doesn’t it? I have only really started to learn about this truth, and to embrace it, at the age of 41…and it is making me a much, much better coach.
By practicing humility I can better understand and communicate with my team. I can learn about their needs, their fears, what inspires them, and what discourages them. By practicing the art of not thinking about myself (How do I look? How capable do they think I am? How credible?) I am finding myself better able to grasp organizational needs and help teams to facilitate them. Being humble helps us to build trust, improves communication, and facilitates learning. I promise you though, whilst it is simple, it is not easy.
In writing this article I looked up quotes on humility and this one really stood out for perfectly encapsulating what I’m trying to convey:
Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right. (Ezra Taft Benson, United States Secretary of Agriculture)
When teams focus on what is right, they can achieve anything.
David Anonymoose is a Project Director based in London. If you would like to reach out to him regarding anything you’ve read in this article please email david.anonymous.coach@gmail.com
