A stroll down the Garden (Tofu) path

CHOPPED — Garden Tofu Salad with Thai Adventure Dressing — 2.5/5

Last night, I read about a scientific study which concluded that eating vegetables makes you more attractive*. Given that I am due to get vigorously appraised for my physical appearance in the next few days (full story, next Monday) I decided to go back to my old ways and order a fresh, meat-free salad.

Today wasn’t a great day for options on our lunch ordering system. I hate when this happens. Every time, I feel frustrated for 5 seconds and then sharply have to kick myself for being a privileged white bastard. Oh nooo, there aren’t enough options of curries, sandwiches, salads, sushi, traybakes, smoothies or soups for me to chose to have delivered to my office door? Boo hoo, Catherine, boo hoo.

I decided to plump for what I knew would be an unsensational salad from Chopped. I wasn’t aware of Chopped until I moved to Dublin a month ago. Since then, it’s been impossible to avoid it, as there’s one on every corner of the city. But, as I want to sample something from every provider, today would tick them off the list.

To spice up my “Garden Tofu” salad, I decided to go WILD and order the Thai Adventure dressing.

OK, so the first lesson today is that you shouldn’t name a dressing “adventure”. It’s inevitably going to be a let down. Also, because I like a mix of leaves rather than just one, I ordered the mixed leaves. Lads, this 100% looks like a wee bag of Florette they picked up at the Supervalu down the road.

Those leaves ain’t fooling no one, boo.

The portion size was decent, and somehow I like their really squidgy tofu. All in all, she wasn’t a total cop out, just very average.

Tomorrow, we’re definitely going down the path of a meat sandwich.

An aside with Jordan

  • Name: Jordan Boyd, J-Brizzle, J-Dog, The Young Prince, 🐍
  • Age: 15 (22)
  • Favourite Things: Ethical fashion. “I will fight anyone who disagrees that Patagonia is the best brand ever.”
  • Top new releases: Provider — Frank Ocean, We Find Love — Daniel Caesar, SUMMER — BROCKHAMPTON, Sky Walker — Miguel, The Way Life Goes — Lil Uzi Vert
  • Favourite NutriBullet recipe: “I’m a bit of a NutriBullet connoisseur. I’ve been having one every night for two years now. This one is all about the gains, so you probably shouldn’t have it, Cat. Banana, pear, chia seeds, oats and peanut butter. So much peanut butter.”
  • Favourite movie: “Stand By Me is the best 80s movie ever. Friendship didn’t exist before that movie.” (For reference, I asked Jordan when he was born, he answered without a shred of irony “1995” 😑)

Thank you, Jordan, we all love you. 🐍


*True! The increased number of carotenoids makes your skin look healthier, and ultimately does more for your overall attractiveness than even a tan. Read more here.