Gran

“What do you think it’s like?”

Shattering a three-minute silence.

“What?”

“Dying. What do you think it is like?”

Staring west, taking in the desert, watching brilliant white clouds float through the pale blue August sky.

“Dunno. Never done it before.”

“I know. But when you think about it, what do you think it is like?”

“Never thought about it either.”

“Do you suppose it hurts?”

“No, I think it’s the end of hurting.”

“Maybe. But right at the end, as she takes her last breath, do you think Gran will hurt?”

“Don’t think so. More like goin’ to sleep, I’d bet.”

A long silence

“Do you believe in God?”

“I suppose so.”

Son looks at his father.

“But you don’t know for sure?”

“Don’t think anyone knows for sure. Believing is just that. Believing.”

“Do you think Gran will go to heaven?”

“I suppose. She’s never done nothin’ too wrong. I think God’ll forgive her for the little wrong she has done.”

“Maybe. I know she’s always been good to me. I guess that’s the important thing.”

“Well, sure. And for as long as we get to live, we have to remember her, keep the good times alive in us. I think that’s kind of like believin’ in God. We got to believe that she’s in a better place, where she’s happy. We have to believe she’s back with God, and that we’ll get to see her again. Kinda makes life worth it, don’t it?”

“Yeah.”

Silence.

“What’s your favorite memory of Gran. The one you want to hold on to forever?”

“Hmm. Probably one Christmas morning when I was a kid. I was about your age. Gran and Pa got me a brand-new bicycle, just for me. I had been sharing Uncle Tony’s, but he didn’t like to share much. They said it was from Santa, but I knew it was from them.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. How about you?”

“When I was eight, and I stayed with them for a whole week. We went fishing on a pier at the lake. Gran stood up to do something, and the wind picked up her chair and blew it clear into the lake. They asked some kids to jump in and get it, but they didn’t want to. We laughed and laughed. Pa gave Gran his chair and stood the rest of the day.”

“I remember them telling me about that. We laughed then too.”

Silence

“What’s it like in heaven?”

“Don’t know much about that either. The cartoons always show everyone in white sheets, floating around on those clouds up there, playing their harps. Think it might be like that?”

“Maybe. But I doubt it. Seems like God’d have folks doin’ something all the time. Can’t be that different from here.”

“I hope so. Laying around on a cloud all day would get pretty boring. And I can’t even begin to play the harp.”

Laughter.

Silence.

“Will she be scared when they put her in that box?”

“You mean the coffin? No, I don’t suppose so.”

“But it’ll be dark. Even darker than my room with the shades down and the shutters closed.”

“Well, I guess it will be. But Gran won’t be alive when they put her body in the box.”

“Then how’ll she go to heaven? Won’t she be alive there?”

“Now, you’ve heard of a soul, right?”

“Kinda.”

“Well, the soul is the thing that makes our body alive. It’s what goes to heaven. At least at first. When Gran dies, her soul will go to heaven, but her body’ll stay here on earth. That’s what they’ll put in the box and bury. So, she won’t be afraid of the dark.”

“Good. She don’t like the dark.”

“No, she don’t.”

“Do you suppose it’s dark in heaven?”

“No. I think it’s probably light all the time.”

“Maybe like today, sunny and warm, but not too hot. With a few clouds blowing by, just to keep you company.”

Laughter.

Silence.

“Are you going to miss Gran?”

“Yeah, I imagine I am. Growing up she was my best friend, my partner in crime. How about you? Are you going to miss her?”

“She’s the only Gran I’ve got. And she’s my friend too.”

“I guess we’ll have to remember her together, to keep her alive.”

Silence.

“We should probably get back.”

“I guess so. But I’d rather stay here, just thinking about her dying, not watching her die.”

“I know. But we need to be sure she knows we love her, so she can remember us when she gets lonely up in heaven.”

“Look, a horny toad. Let’s catch it and take it to her at the hospital.”

“She’d love that.”

© Sean C. Jones, 2021